Internet infidelity

I didn't want to read and run.
Its not Internet Infidelity, its just plain infidelity.

If this were me, I'd tell him to leave. Ask him to make plans to live elsewhere. This is not just a one-off, and he didnt even take the counselling seriously.
He's retired and having the benefits of your hard earned good money. Who pays off the credit card? Please dont say its joint money?

He wont change, love. You've given him all the chances to change already. He is taking you for a mug.

Sorry.

Definitely kick him out, you don't trust him and he's taking the proverbial.
Good luck

See a solicitor. Of the divorce kind. You can't possibly go on like that.

I agree with everything above.

I am so sorry to hear this.
But you have to be realistic now, don't you?
It's not going to change unless he really wants to and so far he has shown few signs of sticking to his promises I am afraid.
You have been given good advice re seeing a solicitor, act now before it gets even more complicated, but make sure you protect yourself financially whatever you do.

Thanks for all your comments so far.

Don't worry, FinnMcCool, I have my own separate account and money I earn goes into that. I do have a works pension, which at the moment goes into the joint account.

He also now keeps his mobile phone on his person at all times, which of course adds to my suspicions.

I shall definitely be seeing a solicitor.

Glad to hear it. He has had enough chances and you don't need to put up with his disrespect.

Another thing is, he reckons he only started straying because I pushed him away physically. That is not true and probably just an excuse to try and make me feel bad. He also seems threatened by my academic qualifications, not having any himself.

Just think of yourself and your needs. On the face of it it would seem you will be better off without him. Remember about leopards, he isn't going to change.

Sorry he's been such an ar$e madaboutbooks.
Agree with everything above. Doesn't sound like he is likely to take responsibility for himself and his actions, which makes it very hard to progress.
I suppose if I were in that situation I would try to balance if I wanted to carry on financially sharing everything but living more or less separate lives, or cut my losses and live independently.
So far there's not really been much talk of emotions, wonder how you feel about it all?
Solicitor should help clarify your options financially.
I know this will make me seem heartless and cruel but I would be thinking about my quality of life and finances - what kind of house would I prefer to live in, do I really want to split everything 50/50, erm how is his health....?
Heartless I know, sorry
All the best to you, hope you come out of it in a better position than you were before.

Take legal advice - you deserve better.

4 times!!! He's not going to change I'm so sorry but he's not. You will have to make a HUGE decision here either to put up with it or kick this loser out!!

Sorry to hear you have had to put up with this unkind and deceitful behaviour. I think your husband has had quite enough chances and
I agree that you should see a solicitor before doing anything hasty. Don't leave your home. It's important that you protect your financial position and get a fair share of the joint assets.

Good luck.

You are never going to trust him again, are you? Also, for him to blame his infidelity on your 'pushing him away' physically, is rotten. Shows him up to be the weak man he is. You definitely deserve so much better, Madaboutbooks.
I would chuck him out, for sure - but see a solicitor. You've had enough problems without having to concern yourself with having to share your hard-earned money on this philanderer.

He needs to be shown the door pronto but only after you have found a good solicitor so that you do not have to give away too much to this ratbag. He may beg and plead but he will never change and if he is now retired, he probably has a lot of time on his hands for his philandering ways.

Yes please look out for yourself. He has no regard for your feelings. The thrill of the conquest and excitement is probably like a drug and he'd never stop until his health gives out or till he actually got help which doesn't seem likely.You deserve someone who respects you.

Not sure I agree with others.At least not until you have had a real heart to heart talk with him.These sites are probably addictive, and he gets a high just from talking to women on there, never mind anything more.Is he depressed, did this behaviour start when he retired? You are working all day, he is alone and possibly bored? Sounds as if he loves you and doesn't want to break up.After a talk, tell him that you will definitely go if he does it again, but that you won't keep bringing it up and hitting him over the head with it.This is all, of course, if you actually love him, and don't want your marriage to end.

Married blokes who chat up women at the pub probably get a high out of it too but if they take it further, as this guy has done, it's simply infidelity as FinnMcCool said.

I wouldn't want a man that didn't want me. That simple. Whose to say he will be there when she needs him? We are too old to have to deal with such games.

I think the point is though, that this man had not previously strayed( presumably) and the OP loves him and wants the marriage to work.Anyone can make a mistake and wish they hadn't, however, agreed, that you can't keep forgiving forever ( although some do.)

I got divorced 24yrs ago ,I had not worked for 20 of those years as I was bringing up our children and also he had a good job .He had an affair and promised to end it but of course he didnt.What I'm try ing to say is a leopard doesnt change its spots, so get out , you don't need him . I am now happily remarried and he treats me and my now grown up daughters like princesses.

The fact that he has been to a hotel room with a woman would finish it for me.
Only you can decide if you love him and could put up with this repeated behaviour.

Me..... I'd see a solicitor and don't let on to him.
This is so you know what your financial position would be and you can have a think about that. If/when you tell him to go, you will have considered it well, and will do it with confidence.
And also take the feet from below the ar$e !!
That should give him enough excitement to be going on with and he can meet up with as many on-liners as he wants.

The usual excuse is to blame the other person, in this case you.

No, you are not to blame. Leave him to his habitual affairs and make a wonderful new life for yourself. I know that 24 years is a long time, but you are still young enough to be working and have your own pension, hold your head up and just do it.

I'm sorry to read your post Mab and agree with the others- you deserve to be treated with more respect. He's playing mind games with you saying he's going to end the relationships then not. By keeping his options open, your husband is making it more distressing for you. It seems to me that you need to stabilise the situation by taking charge a bit. Begin to make a plan. Assess your financial situation; look at your resources to see what your options are in terms of housing and finances. It may shock him into focusing on the real issues.

He's made his choices and now it's your turn - choose a better life. Believe me, I've been there and you don't need a liar and a cheat in your life.

When your marriage is falling apart it feels scary and fears of an uncertain future are very real, but do you really want to hang onto this person who hurts and deceives you? Don’t allow fear to make your decisions.

Thinking of you.