Emotional

One of those things , can't do right for doing wrong

I totally lost it with my son this evening. Over not very much at all. Well, over a tin of biscuits actually. I wanted to chuck 'em out so I didn't get fat on them. (No will power) He didn't go along with it. I haven't shouted that much in a long time. I have now got a bent tin lid cos I threw it quite vigorously on the floor.

Yes. It's the time of the year. This holiday has gone on quite long enough.

Don't worry about it. I don't.

DD2 has sent me a very funny facebook message venting her fury at her MIL for expecting to be waited on hand and foot over the three days she stayed for NY.

I could have said, 'Why am I getting it in the neck?' but that's what Mums are for, I suppose.

Definitely the time of the year.

Wow that's impressive Jinglebells, not sure if the restaurant would have been too pleased if I had thrown the wine :-) it's funny there's lots I could say to him about his behaviour, but I always think what's the point he's his own person and especially as I'm only ever there for a couple of a days at a time ( I live in scotland and he's in Ireland ) we used to be really close when he was a teenager ( I was a single parent ) but we appear to be very different now.

I feel the same about my sons. There's a distance it's hard to understand. Age? (Mine!). Different world views? Pressure of their iwn families? Just how it is? I've managed to avoid major rows by a lot of tongue biting but I'm not sure it's a sustainable long term strategy.

Rockchick - a lot of us have been there and, I'm sure, sympathise! I'm still regretting something I said to DiL 2 years ago although it's gradually blown over and we're OK now.

I find it helps to throw things too rockchick but perhaps next time let the baby chuck his baby food all over his Dad and pretend you didn't see it coming.

I once threw a sieve of tinned tomatoes at DH (well I kept hold of the sieve) he had the sense to stand still so of course they missed and just splattered all over the kitchen wall and worktops.

Try hammering the lid straight jingl

Anya very good advice, not seeing (unless child is in danger, of course) and letting it splatter all over his nice clothes
Everyone getting fraught after spending time together!

we all have to bite our tongues with grown up children/partners at times.
Let them look out for their own children in future, perhaps they won't mind baby food all over their best jacket.

Oh dear, not easy is it? I am impressed with you jingl If I ever disagree with my DD over anything (which is rare because I am too afraid of becoming estranged) I feel guilty for weeks and apologise even when I know I am right. It doesn't make me feel good about myself but the alternative doesn't bear thinking about. My DH has been unwell and gets very stressed if he thinks DD and me are going to fall out so I just paint on the smile and seeth inwardly.

KatyK that sounds like me with DD, I've never said anything that I felt I needed to apologise for because I'm to scared to cause a rift.
There have been a few times when I should have though.
I annoy myself.

So sorry about this, Rockchick! I was thinking what Anya was thinking - next time let things happen and see how he handles it, LOL!

Actually, maybe s was just embarrassed that you kept noticing things he didn't. That doesn't excuse him for turning on you that way, of course. Ugh!

Or maybe he really thinks that when you're there, he gets to be a "kid" again and you take over as a sort of "second mother" to baby. I hope not. That would be very nervy on his part, IMO.

Either way, I say pull back, next time, and let/expect him to be the parent (and his wife - where was she in all this, BTW?)

The thing to keep in mind Rockchick is that you did nothing wrong x

nina It's sad isn't it? Unfortunately I let things really get to me when I was going through an awful time and I, what she described as, 'had a go at her and she hadn't done anything'. I should have kept quiet as it made matters worse. Like some have said above, I thought we were close but now realise that we were/are not and we are very, very different.

Oh we're fine today. A good dinner (cooked by me) has been happily partaken of by all. Hopefully he's learned not to boss me around. Grrr!

Just wanted to add that I understand all the tongue-biting, etc. I do it, too. In fact, as I mentioned in another thread, a few years ago, my relationship with my ODD was rather difficult, with periodic episodes of our not speaking. Finally, I decided to pick my battles more, not always react to perceived slights, etc. Sometimes it bothers me, too, just as it does some of you. But it has improved our relations a lot. And when I think that my long range goal here is to maintain a relationship with both my DDs and my GC for the rest of my life, if possible, well, it seems very worth it.

Jingle, I'm glad things are ok with your son now. I must admit I don't totally get what happened. Or rather where it happened. Was it in your house or his? If it was in his house and they were his biscuits, that's one thing. But I doubt that. If it was in your house or the biscuits were yours, how could he possibly think it was ok to tell you what to do with them? I think it would have been totally ok for you to tell him something like, "Excuse me? I reserve the right to do as I choose with my own things/in my own house!" But regardless, I'm glad he learned his lesson!

Thanks for all your support last night Gransnetters really needed it. I appreciate this site so much as don't have any relatives at all to bounce stuff off when the going gets tough. Looks like a lot of us bite our tongues, never thought that would be my way, not that I like confrontation that much but sometimes there are things that need to be said. It's funny had thought yesterday was a great day and that I had loads of fun with kids and helped to give s and dil a bit of time and didn't overstep the mark as a granny, but you never know how somebody else perceives situations. Next time as suggested will keep mouth closed and concentrate on just the fun bit.

I always used to feel sympathy for my exMIL when she would say (about ex) "I didn't raise him to be that way." She was always so miserable (or annoyed) when she said it.

Now I find myself saying it about my dd. It's frustrating, and some days I'd like to tell her exactly what I think. We've fallen out anyway as I refused to be a doormat, but I notice she comes back when she needs something. She did just recently, but is back to "no contact" as she doesn't need anything right now.

I'm polite, but I'm refuse to be a doormat or stand there and be openly criticised (especially for something I've not done). I may be old, but I haven't hit senile yet (I don't think! ), so I don't appreciate being spoken to that way, and won't tolerate it. I don't like falling out with her, but I do expect reasonably civil behaviour from her.

Yes, it was in my house Wendysue. It was a box of biscuits DD brought home from work. Left over from staff celebrations. We ate one inner pack, then we both (DD and I)agreed to throw the rest out. Son was so indignant! Grabbed said biscuits off of me. I grabbed 'em back. Packet fell on the floor. I stamped on it. He picked it up and took it off to his bedroom. No doubt he will take them home to his house, where he will eat them. With a spoon.

[shrug]

Oh, I am so sorry, but the picture of you just stamping on the biscuits made me laugh. I'd have been tempted to do a little dance on them myself. Don't blame you. Your biscuits, your decision.

How did the tin get dented then?

throw out biscuits? - I am on your DS's side

They weren't Scottish shortbread were they?

Ana as I exited the kitchen, via the dining room, my cake tin lid just happened to be on the table. And I felt like throwing something.

D'you want any more detail?!