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New boundaries and eggshells ...

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Imperfect27 Mon 04-Jan-16 11:41:46

Hi - at this moment I think I am the newest granny here - first GS born yesterday smile , but already I am learning very quickly that a new set of boundaries is in place. I would say I have a good relationship with my DD and SIL, but all of a sudden I am having to reign in my enthusiasm about becoming a granny and am waiting to be invited / told / learn (by osmosis?) what is required of me ... all the ground rules of parent/child relationship have changed overnight and from being a confident mum who never ever thought I needed to analyse / double check / I am suddenly aware that I am a very unconfident granny who doesn't want to do the wrong thing and who is going to have to learn the art of being silent - never imagined it would be a problem, but suddenly not an easy task! (It has begun with not saying a word about 'perhaps turning your phone off DD', when she is complaining a) of being exhausted and b) inundated by messages from well-wishers on the day she has given birth. I know I have a very loving and kind daughter and a very respectful son-in-law who will want me to be hands on, but I am alert to the mine-field of possibilities for apparently imposing when I only mean to be helpful. I suspect this is very common. xx

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Anya Wed 06-Jan-16 10:56:18

Brilliant answer QuirkySand grin

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cayuga123 Wed 06-Jan-16 13:42:51

So I've just had a text from my friend who is a first time Grandma of 3 mth old GD and had worried about not being needed. ' off to Nottingham everyone's sick and exhausted' she said . I said ' off you go. grandma to the rescue'. She said ' by broomstick transport'. Imperfect, It will happen!
My tale of DiL was really to say that not all relationships are strained but we only seem to write about the ones that are!

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baNANAGran3 Wed 06-Jan-16 15:12:17

Congratulations Imperfect, such wise words you've been given - GN at it's best. Your patience will be well rewarded. I get in very well with DD but many years ago was sorry when she said that they would have a week to bond with new baby before any visitors. (We did live over 300 miles away at that time so to visit meant we would stay with them). I think the bonding lasted three days before we got the please come phone call. Although wanting to go it alone the new parents will be worried and anxious a lot of the time - your time will absolutely definitely come. You'll be fine.

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hulahoop Wed 06-Jan-16 18:17:54

Congratulations imperfect being a grandparent is brill just enjoy be there when needed if that's possible give lots of praise to new parents as to how well they are doing just go with the flow and all will be well x

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Imperfect27 Wed 06-Jan-16 18:49:16

Thank you, Today has been reassuring. I posted elsewhere m the relationships forum (Inherited Grannydom - paying it forward) about my own mother and afterwards I posted an edited version on FB. My daughter saw my FB post and text to say I am already doing a wonderful job ... made me well up! I was with my own MIL at the time and DD was also texting about having had a teary time as she could not comfort my GS last night - he seems to be suffering from wind. It is day 4 - lots going on! I was able to quote my MIL's advice (think this probably made it more acceptable) that she might want to try drinking fennel tea and also suggested positioning baby on shoulder, or lying him on his tummy and stroking back. All we'll received. Hurrah!!!!! smile smile smile

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mutti Wed 26-Jul-17 18:19:43

Just found and read this thread from last year. Such wisdom from everyone!

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