Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

Ok (sigh), from everything you say in this latest post, I can see there is a strain between you people and DS/his partner. I'm so sorry about that and not just cuz you gave them the deposit for the house (I know that must sting though). I don't recall if you ever said why there is an issue between you (or maybe I missed it since I'm still fairly new here). But I feel for you and DH regardless.

"Trouble is she is very insincere and pretends stuff she does t mean which I don't like."

Does "she" here refer to DS' partner or her mother?

Oh bless you wendysue, we dont have any issue as such yes referring to sons partner. I guess we try hard stay neutral but when they met she was living is very poor place boys share room now sne expect our son provide luxury she told us they need large room each etc. Also Xmas she made very little effort it was embarrassing.

However to hear her talk you would imagine we are very important to her, we doubt the sincerity. I knew they moved her youngest into guest room but presumed he would move out when we visited which isn't very often , but it seems they dismantled double bed, got him new single and obviously didn't give thought to us staying. Fair enough but it hurts. No we get on well with her on Surface but I no longer feel like making. Much effort I. Face of such insincere talk,
It is always our son who tries look after us while she plays with her phone.

Sorry if not explained that well!

Rhinestone, I would definitely say thank you as Jenty said. I have found over the years I have had to forgive and forget for the sake of peace.
Celebregran, I know just where you are coming from with being hurt at not being able to stay with your son and family after giving them the deposit for their house. I too have done just that and never get an invitation, whereas her parents have never give anything and they are the ones to have seen grandchildren grow up, where I have been very much on the sidelines. I accept it because I don't want to be estranged and we have never have discussed it really or fallen out about it, because
it wouldn't make any difference, my son rings me frequently and. I know he cares but his wife will always come first if I were to say anything. Is there any chance you can change your holiday to fit in with your dons plans. My mother used to say, when they are little they make your arms ache, when older they make your heart ache. How true I have found that, sometimes I feel like taking a slow boat to China, because you just walk on eggshells most of the time.

Oh yes, celeb, now I remember about that Xmas visit. And now this...
Do you think you''ll visit less often as a result? Do you even want to be there while DS is away?

No wendysue we would t my son rang yesterday had nice chat, we really is busy with they away end month and his PhD work deadline 1 July then he away California and Washington he is I s reserves still with army, he was an Officer till came out about 6 years ago so had been training all weekend.

He doesn't always explain. Things well, we fear his partner is manipulative but of course like luckily legs keep quiet.

We will visit but we have beach boys still enjoy so they will come here In August

I feel thankful that our son still loves us and wants us.?This estrangement does take confidence away and makes us very vulnerable.

I have made firm decision not to contact T Again it is too distressing never hearing back, I hope and pray she makes full recovery.
Likewise no more gifts to little ones, again too distressing and rude on their part, and we suspect M never told gifts from us, we. Normally send. NExt vouchers .but as T Not cashed cheque we feel can't afford to risk wasting. More money on vouchers I do t have income it all comes from G I won't even get pension until am 66??. Feel better having made decision.

Sorry. Luckylegs FORGOT SAY we paid for warners break so can't change date, however we have booked in nice B and B instead now as didn't want waste Lisa having agreed to care for GD.?

It seems like very similar situation for you.I know our son cares for us very much and have be content things are never ideal are they?

Thinking of yogsgirl it is painful birthday times i can't allow myself to think of M nearly 8 and not seen her since baby of 9 months, my daughter has to live with her cruelty to us guess I believe you reap what you sow.

WendySueHow did your Mother's Day go?
We went to lunch with my daughter, my mother and my daughters children. I never heard from my ES or ESS nor any cards from my ES children. It was nice but my DM is Bipolar and was in her depressive stage . She was quiet and down most of the time.
I did text my stepdaughter as my husband suggested, and thanked her and her partner for the card and gift card. What I don't understand is how my son could tell my daughter to say hello to me when she was visiting him but he can't call or text me or my mother for Mother'sDay. This is the second Mothers Day he's done this.
Daughters husband was passed out In drive with the car on and one foot out of the door at three in the morning the other day. He had no recollection of it the next day. Very stressful for my DD.
More later everyone.

Hi all, I don't where last week went...had lots of 'bitty' things on so didn't have time to check in here. I did start to write a letter to my baby granddaughter who we don't see. I want it to be finished in time for her 1st birthday so I can take to the solicitors to leave with them. I'm thinking carefully about what I write.
I've also been keeping busy all the time as I find it takes my mind of things. As soon as I stop I start worrying about my ED, my son and his ex wife and the baby.
I hope you are all getting on OK and coping with the gorrible situations we all find ourselves in. Much love (((hugs)))

I mean horrible!

Evening everyone, it's been a few days since I was on line as we've just got back from our first weekend away at our static caravan. Did I tell you we'd bought one?, I can't remember if I did or not.

We looked in to buying one about 4 years ago, we thought it would be nice for our GC, we could take him there for weekends and they could use it as well, of course that was in the good old days, or should I say what we thought were the good old days. We went for a look about 3 weeks before we went to Florida and hey presto, we ended up getting one. Mr. S. isn't one for impulse buying but my goodness, when he goes for it,he certainly goes for it. It's on a beautiful site, only half an hours drive and yet feels a long way from here and from them so, if we don't get a buyer, still no viewings, it'll give us some where to escape too.

I expect Wendysue and Rhinestone you're glad that you've got Mother's day out of the way for another year. I think you were right to thank your SD for the gift Rhinestone and I'm sorry that your S didn't bother to send a card or even a message. It must be very difficult for you with your mum being the way she is, and your son must know how hard it is for you, which makes his behavior worse.

Those of us that still have a child/ren who love us are the fortunate ones; there are some who've lost their only child or all of their children due to estrangement. It's such a difficult decision, not to contact them and begin the process of letting go but for what it's worth Celeb, I think you're doing the right thing.

So many of us have fallen into that trap Luckylegs, we together with my brother, surplied the deposit on ES's first house and allowed it to be transferred into the one they live in now; just 300 yards down the road. If only we'd known what was to come; probably just as well we don't.

Hope all is well with you and yours Yogagirl

Hi all
Rhinestone yes you did well in sending a 'thank you' to your SD, let it go now and move on into happier times, she has shown she is sorry for her hurtful actions.
Celebgran best you stay in B&B nearby, gives everyone a little breathing space.

I had a lovely 4 days away with my ND & baby GD, beautiful weather, we just had a lovely relaxing time, on the beach every day. Sang 'happy birthday' to my precious GD who was 6yrs on Sunday, wrote out her card before anyone woke, felt very sad of course, but then my D&GD came into bed with me for a cuppa, so cheered me up.

Smileless static caravan sounds lovely and good that it's near for a quick break away.
Hope alls well with you Ucan & Luckylegs* Wendysue and all

Hi yogsgirl and Smilelss, rhinestone, wendysue, luckylegs and all sorry memory
Yes we offered stay b a b yogsgirl but they don't have any time To see usuntil August ?

Not much support in View of sadness we struggling. Through,

Wow Smilless exciting adventures getting caravan and can pets go too?

I have just written letter telling t what I think of her but doubt will send of course, it is 10 years since she married into that dreadful family.?Within 3 years of marriage she had cut off her entire family and godparents.it does seem strange.

Yogagirl it's not about b a d b it's so hurtful that our son had promised us a room to always stay there and now moved stepson into it a d dismantled double bed rather upsetting to say least. Kids eh why did we have em?

Well I've done it ladies, well almost. Mr. S. is out so the email I've written to ES in in 'draft' waiting for Mr. S.'s approval before hitting send. Knowing that ES told DS he has no recollection of saying we'd never see our GS's has been going around in my head, so I've written to ask if we can see them.

It's not a begging or pleading email, I don't do begging and pleadingand I'm not expecting him to say yes either. I'm expecting him to ignore it, which of course would be the same as saying 'no you can't see them'. If he actually responds and says 'no' well that would be even better. Are you? well don't be.

He's spent the last 4 years blaming us for everything, lying and telling anyone who'll listen that we've abandoned him and I'm sick of it. I want him to come out and say it, to show everyone that what we put in our email about them using their children as weapons is true because the only reason they've stopped us and your EC are stopping you is sheer spite.

So the time has come ES, no more BS, no more lies and smoke screens. We haven't asked since November 2012 and even then you didn't say we couldn't, you responded with "he's my f...ing' child well now I'm asking to see my GS's, do you have what it takes to give me an answer?

Watch this space ladies but don't hold your breath. It took him 3 weeks to reply to the last email, this could take years.

Very brave Smilelss and I hope a d pray you get a positive response write more later tired, ?Had so e????for us all. And ?For you smileless for email. X

Thanks for your kind words Celebgran re GD's birthday Sunday. I've stopped praying now, prayed on my knees every night with a bible in one hand and GD's little socks in the other, socks left from when she lived with me. 3.5yrs of praying and nothing, so God is not there for me, never was, unless I missed it. Sorry you are upset about not staying at your NS's but with his SS growing, I can understand they need their own bedrooms. It will make things easier with your d.i.l for you C not your d.i.l lol. Don't send that letter to T C.

Well done smileless on your email, imagine if you got a reply saying 'yes' you can see your GSs, keep us posted

Hope all's well with you Jenty

Sounds like you had a mixed Mothers' Day, Rhinestone, with good parts and bad. Sorry about your poor DM and that you didn't hear from ES or ESS and family (did you expect to?) But glad things are better with SD. Also, how lovely that you got to enjoy the day with DD and her kids.

My MDay was good, too. No estrangements here, so didn't have that problem, but as I've said before, "There but for fortune..."

Thanks for the good wishes, Yoga! I felt such a tug on my heart strings when I read about your singing to GD, etc. Please don't give up hope/faith. You will see her again, someday, no doubt, even if not till she's older.

Uke, I'm glad you save cards and such for your GD, too. Good idea. Better than sending them when they might never get to the child.

Celeb, I'm another one who thinks you made a good decision about T and family. I know it must not have been easy, but no sense beating your head against a stone wall. Please don't even send that letter - she may not even read it and if she does, it won't help.

But in your case, Smileless, IMO, it was a good idea to send that email! Even if you get no reply. Either you'll get to see ES and your GC or he'll prove your point. I hope it's the former, but I get that either way is good.

Smileless, please save BOTH emails (if he replies), so he can't twist what you said.

SmilelessIm happy for you about the caravan. (I admit I had to look it up because we call them manufactured or mobile homes here in the states)I gave one concern about the email to your ES . Will that make your other son seem like a tattletale? Will the boys trust with each other be lost? Or is it not an issue with your DS?
I too wanted to write my ESS after what my daughter told me my ES said but I feared that my ES would never trust my DD. I'm so paranoid about everyone that I myself don't know who is telling the truth or not.
I'm glad you have the guts to do this and like you say you will either be ignored or have a hateful note written back. Hey, I never thought a hateful note would be better than silence.

Sorry ladies tired to post much, no ygaigryogsgirl and wendysue I won't post letter just got it out of my head ! Put it in drawer where I keep all stuff to do with her ??

Yogsgirl they have 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms that's what makes it distressing, never mind love my son very much and I know it is not him sadly his partner seems manipulative .

Hair done off for weekend, both bit stressed but hey ho should be fun they upgraded us to a suite. Long storyline friends we going with had basic room and She wound me up texting to say they been upgraded, theynarenfun and we are fond of them but v careful r emember bingo winners didn't even buy us drink,?
Anyhow warners came good and offered USA huge,upgrade too, guess what theirn2nd Grandchild,due,this weekend and I think it is upsetting me crazy isn't it.

Smilelss do hope younger posiitve response.

Yogsgirl keep bit hope there like you I have prayed and prayed sooooo hard but no one answered,

God bless all x

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2635217-This-is-really-chilling-I-think

You might like to look at this very unkind Mumsnet thread before you make any further posts on here.

I don't see why anyone should worry about what Mumsnet posters say!
They are entitled to their opinions - just hope NC never happens to them, they might have to revise their nasty comments.

Post on ladies. Remember, Sticks and Stones.........

Thanks for the link Bounce interesting, but mostly very boring, couldn't read it much past the first page & speed read a lot, just to get the feel of it. As Fairydoll has said [thanks for your comments] they may have to revise their comments when their C gown up and I think that is exactly the problem, growing up! The re-post were not from our page and I haven't seen those posts on any other page on GN, so where they have got them from I really don't know, I only occasionally visit other pages on GN, so must be one page I've never seen, or it's a completely different web site. The only thing reading some of the comments on that mumsnet link did, was make me more aware of the pointlessness of trying to get through to my once much loved and cherished daughter.
There was one nice poster on mumsnet, that wouldn't be put off posting and she said some nice things about parents and that we are not all bad

Nice weekend ladies

oh the lack of understanding and empathy on mumsnet!! ? one day it might happen to them !

Ive nearly caught up with all the posts and do understand what everyone is going through but one thing I dont understand is that why havent you cut the fraying thread which can not be tied and move on with your own lives? Yes its a hard thing to do but it has to be done for your own sanity. Its a choice your kids have made regardless of the way we feel...

take that first step and move on!

I've read the thread on Mumsnet, I would hesitate to judge anyone on here who is estranged from their children, whilst I appreciate that there are two sides to any argument and family relationships can be complex, nevertheless "walk a mile in another's shoes" before passing an opinion. As others have said, Mumsnetters in the main have younger children and who knows how things may pan out for them once their offspring are adult and make lifestyle choices that may adversely affect their relationship.