Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

Jenty61 us rejected ones always think other people's families are perfect. However I am coming to realise that almost every family has problems; it's just that most folk don't talk about them and some even put on a front. I am being a bit more open about things now (not giving details) but I'm amazed at how many people - after mentioning a family problem - come out and say they have experienced similar. Look at all us on here!
Do try to do something today that gives you pleasure, even it's just getting yourself some chocs and watching a good film, having a long soak in the bath with a good book, or going for a nice walk.

Jenty61Before my ESS and his wife decided to not talk to us they NEVER came over or called to come over even when they had ten weeks off in the summer. It was us inviting them for holidays or asking to take them to dinner or babysit that brought us all in contact. We baby sat for three years at least once a week and we still had to do the work. We would pick up the GC at the moms school and we met on a street to return them at the end of the day. They NEVER came over to drop off and pick up their child. We live 40 minutes from their home. Actually my ESS teaches in the same district that I drove to everyday for years.
So I realize now that since we have been estranged over a year that they only used us . I wonder how many of those Sunday visitors you see do the same thing to their parents. I agree with UkeCan that it all looks good on Facebook and at the churches and restaurants but I too realize that things aren't what they appear. We all live under an illusion. Every time I envied someone , something bad happened in their family so I learned not to do that. Please don't think I'm lecturing you. I just want you to feel better and know we are here to support you. These women have helped me so much in the last year to get up and continue on with my life .

thankyou Rhinestone and Ukecan ....am having an off day...being on your own just makes you think more...took it out on the housework then went for a walk ...?

I have just worked so hard, not had time to think. But weekends and holidays are the worst. I get so down sometimes thinking what is the point and just getting older with noone really caring. Then I realise how selfish I am being, I have had a good life really, just didn't expect to be on my own. Watched a programme the other night about people with real problems, one little boy hadn't walked since birth and another lovely lady was going blind and deaf, so I told myself off and decided that this weekend I would decorate the smallest bedroom, there is more panit on me than the walls but it has stopped me brooding. So to all those on your own. ??x

Luckylegs??keep your spirits up.

Ukeca and Jenty it is hard at family times, we have had lovley social weekend with v good friends, but I would give anything to hear from my daughter, especially to hear how she is having been. So I'll. Sadly she does t have the common decency to let us know.

So keep smiling and enjoying our lives best we can, just had lovley lunch with good friends, and they we so kind and understanding.
Likewise last night enjoyed meal and evening with old friends, I feel we are very blessed with that

Smilless and yogsgirl hope you enjoying weekend.?????for you all as bank holiday, Gra working tomorrow, so ironing for me then evening with t godparents,

Morning Girls

Yes it's sad that every holiday time, we feel sadness, the TV ads, and as said, all the happy families out and about enjoying the long weekend.
I was up at 5am this morning thinking about my precious little GD, her birthday is looming, she would have been phoning me with all the excitement of her coming big day, so I just had to get up and make a cup of tea, always makes me feel better.

I'm teaching a class this morning, it being a family leisure centre doesn't help the pain in my heart, watching all the happy families! I'm then going to my ND for dinner, so something to look forward to. My ND and I are going away on Friday for a few days, so we will be away on GD's birthday. It's painful to buy her birthday card, it's painful to write loving words in it, knowing I will be just walking to the spare room and popping it in her gift sack, same when it's GS's birthday in 18 days time As always I will put an advert in the local paper wishing them a happy birthday, I always get a call from the paper saying 'you can't put this, you can't put that' when I say something like ^ Love from your real nannie^ I also put money in a savings account I opened for them both.

I wish you all a happy bank holiday Monday

Morning all yogagirl
Is so very painful I could joined you woke up at 4 could t get back when i did woke up at 6 with panic attack first one since found out about T illness.
Didn't disturb Gra got up like you cup tea always calms me down.
Had lovely time With good friends over weekend but it is hard for them to know what hell to say is amazing how cruel and heartless T is, and her in laws. Despite pleasing to be informed of her progress zero. My dear friend just said before we said bye anytime ring am here for you they are lovely couple who we see about every couple months for Xmas, genuine friends we feel blessed with our friends.

Poor Gra keeps checking his phone it tears me apart to see him so sad.

O.Brighter. Note can't believe got all hol weight off alreadt??
Not on painkillers either but got be careful with knee,

Gra work today took him the the lovely new car, am paranoid about anyone parking too close, it is so much more powerful (turbo) than other one loving it??

Enjoy lunch yogagirl and good idea go away.
I will photograph M card and send it with. Next voucher and put on her blog.
Bless her she will be 8 and must be so worried about her mummy.

Hope rhinestone and Jenty a d ukcan sre having good day. Smileless you quiet hope all well. ??for us all. It is bank holiday and cold and wet.?

Oh dear meant see. Them . Xmas and every couple. Months during year.

It's cold and wet here too in the states. What is a bank holiday?
We have our Mother's Day coming up next Sunday. I have made up my mind not to even wonder if I will hear from both boys. Don't want to set myself up for more disappointment.

Rhinestone heart bleeds for you I hate Mother's Day since losing our daughter, realise am lucky to have my son but it is still so heartbreaking every year.

Evening ladies, hope you all managed to do something nice for yourselves this bank holiday weekend, which is a weekend which is followed by everyone being entitled to have the Monday off Rhinestone, not that everyone gets it though, although I think if you have to work, you get extra pay, perhaps, maybe. I'm so pleased that you've been helped by sharing with us on here, you've helped all of us too. Another site I go on is based in the States, I think I'm the only Brit and bless their hearts the pain and anxiety is intensifying as Mother's day approaches. Thank goodness ours is over and done with for another year but while I remember, here are someto help you get through yours.

Oh well done Luckylegsand what really matters is that some of the paint goes on the walls and not all of it on you. I've found that too Ukecan. When you have the courage to let people know your family isn't perfect, it seems to give them permission to admit the same.

I'm sorry you've had a bad day Jentywe all have them and you did the right thing by coming on here and telling us how you were feeling. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully it will be a better one for you.

It's been a strange week and not just because I've been quiet Celeb. It takes a few days to settle down after returning from Florida what with the jet lag and I've been really busy, flying through all the work I had to catch up on. Got back to the gym on Saturday so all was going well until yesterday. Skyped DS in Oz and was really looking forward to it as we hadn't done so for 4 weeks, only having a brief 'phone conversation in that time. All was going well until he brought up ES who sent Mr. S.'s email, his reply to Mr. S. and our reply to his reply (hope you're following this) to DS.

Now I hope you're all sitting down and maybe amight be in order. ES according to DS, can't understand why we don't think we'll ever see our GC because he has no recollection of ever saying so. Do you think that the note we received on the Christmas Eve of GS's 1st Christmas telling us we were no longer a part of ES's and GS's lives and were to stay away, may have been a clue???

Oh and how about that fact that GS is 4 years and 4 months old and we haven't been allowed any contact with him since he was 8 months old!!!!!

Aren't they just unbelievable; fabulous in a sick and twisted kind of way. Well our email certainly hit a nerve didn't it. It's the first time we've ever told ES that he's using his children as weapons against his own parents; probably the only time anyone's ever actually said so and now he could be wondering how many others think the same thing.

Sorry for the long postbut this is what happens when I haven't posted for a few days, I end up with so much to say.

Oops, sorry Yogagirl forgot to say how lovely that you're going away with LD and GD.

Smileless, your ES is feeling guilty, hang on in there, he is trying to justify his actions to his younger brother by manipulating the situation. I might just be temped to send ES an email, just explaining the note you received over four years ago, (do you still have it?) and the failure to reply to any request for contact says it all and wait. Wouldn't put anything in it other than the facts, put of course in a gentle way, because that might be sent too, but there again I can't sort my own daughter out.
Yogagirl, have a lovely break, know that pain inside is always there, one day those lovely grandchildren of yours, will know just how much you thought about them and they will see that bag of dreams you made.
Celebregran, you are doing so well, I just hope your T makes a full recovery, whatever happens the shock she must have had, it must have made her think of her mom. No one could have done more than you and your husband.
Jenty and Ukecan, well another Bank holiday over, I always think when I look at the neighbours having family round, they must think I have done something really wrong for my own daughter not to want me, so thank goodness I have found you all and know I am not alone.
Wendysue, not Bank Holiday for you I know, but hope your weekend was good.
Off to meet some friends for a long walk, be so nice to have a good chat, they are all married and have their husbands and families, so I just skate over my position and we find plenty of other things to talk about.

Celebgran hope you enjoyed your Friday with D, how did it go? I had a lovely dinner at my ND last night, thank you. J's mum was there too, we get on well, so very pleasant evening. Baby was allowed to stay up a bit later, I put her to bed and gave her last bottle sitting in her nursery cuddling up, so lovely. I'm sure my ND gives me these moments with baby so as to try and heal my heart a bit.
It never gets easier though does it. I'm going down hill with the approach of GD's birthday, GS's is 18days after GD's. You think before these special days come up, that you will be ok, but as they loom, I suppose you think of them more, think of all those lost years and memories, that can never be got back Understandable you are having a bad time of it Celebgran we all understand how you must be feeling.

Thought I'd post before losing it!

Welcome back Smileless no extra pay for Bank hols for me and no whilst I read your post as it's only 9.30 in the morning How ridiculous for your ES to say that, his brother must think so too, they cannot justify what they have done, no matter how they word it. My b.i.l is over from Africa on a short visit and it would seem he has [unknowingly] been cut out too, we took it that any family living outside the UK was somewhat safe from alienation, but when my b.i.l got married, all were invited, but nasty said he wouldn't go if any of us were going [that's the entire family] I'm sure nasty s.i.l expected to be 'Best man' [ya right!] My b.i.l said to him, he would make sure he sat on the other side of the room to the rest of the family, but of course that was not good enough for him, so they did't go to the wedding and my b.i.l now tells us that he hasn't seen or spoken to them in the last 2yrs!

Luckylegs Thank you, I hope you enjoyed your walk with your friends and your chat. I'm not so bad now, but I find the subject I want to chat about most is this sad estrangement, like you I don't mention it anymore, as in the beginning it's all I spoke about and I'm sure all friends and family, including my ND were sick of hearing about it, so it has to be buried, sad in itself
I just feel like a popped balloon, I'm not as I was before all this, I'm always sad, I know it shows in my face and I'm now quiet, whereas before I would be the 'life & soul of the party' If I was ever reunited with my ED, she would find a very different person/mum, than before this living nightmare!

Hope you're ok Ucan Rhinestone & Jenty

Slow down ygaigrl??not til this Friday will report back can't wait see little D open
Her pressies can't believe she is 3 already?.

Will post more later hope everyone having good day,? X

Smilless no wonder you were angry?Is Es trying cause trouble it certainly sounds like it.

Perhaps we should have said that to T it may have brought a reaction,

We didn't really enjoy evening with godparents because they are sadly so very self centred and braggy that our. New car did t go Dow. Well.

Sad when her godfather was so kind to us day he took us to see T people are as they are sadly,

Glad your had quality time with little one yogagirl hope it helped heal a bit,
There are now words to help our sadness just good we can all relate to nod a shocker for us that T so seriously ill but still does t want her parents, almost impossible to understand.

Hope Jenty you feeling bit better.
Ukeca. 61 you too,

Luckylegs what lovely post read it to my dh it makes. Me feel better that you think we done our best, wonder if T will cash cheque,?

I really dont know whats worse our children stopping us from seeing the grandchildren or the grandchildren as adults who have been brainwashed all their lives who dont want any contact ! it just seems never ending...

the upside is knowing we arent alone and theres encouragement and support here..thankyou..

Thanks for the good wishes, Lucky! You're right, we didn't have a bank holiday but our Mothers Day is coming up, as Rhinestone mentioned.

Yoga, I'm glad you had such a lovely time at ND's. And Celeb, I hope you have a good time with D on Friday, too (love that name, BTW!).

Sorry you feel you've changed as a person due to the CO, Yoga. But I guess that's to be expected, unfortunately (sigh).

Smileless, it sounds as if ES is feeling guilty. Oh well.

But yes, as Lucky says, he must be trying to justify himself. Like her, I'd be tempted to remind him of that note. But unless you have a copy of it, he'll just deny it.

If I had the note, I'd be tempted to send a copy to both young men. But that would be putting DS in the middle, so maybe not.

What did you say to DS, if you don't mind telling us, after he told you what ES said?

Anyway, hope you and everyone else here are doing reasonably ok.

Ladies I need your help. My step daughter sent me a card and gift for Mothers Day. She usually does but I'm having a hard time getting over that she lied to her dad about not being able to see him when she came in town because she would be too busy. And then we found out she was at the birthday party her brother, my ESS gave for his son. Of course we weren't invited nor my daughter just to refresh your memory. My husband told her he was upset and disappointed that she lied and she said she was sorry. My problem is that I'm still mad about her lying so she could see her mom and everyone else. I can't get over that she did this to her dad knowing he is estranged from her brother. I don't want to talk to her but I need to thank her. It's interesting in that she never called me after my ankle accident nor when mom was in the hospital not when she heard my DD was getting divorced. I only talk to her twice a year to thank her for the two gifts a year. I used to call her all the time but it became one sided. What do I do? All opinions accepted!

its hard letting go of upset and anger .....if it were me I would just send a short thankyou note for the lovely gift...that way you are leaving the line of communication open even if you have no intention of using it...

Rhinestone it is a no brainer call her and thank her and do not mention past grievance,

It is soooo good that she sent gift a d card still.

Speaking as one who has. Not received any acknowledgment from orchid, flowers, cheque and cards we sent to ed on her illness.

I know you won't forget her disloyalty to your husband but best let it go she has made the effort. ?

We had great time seeing D, despite both being bit stressed at moment.
Think constant sadness worry of T and tiredness after holiday, shower pump the. Faulty replacement all sorted know done yesterday ?

Bring with M and little D just lifts our spirits. Can't believe she is 3 now little boy due I. July.

Hope smileless feeling better now?
Must be in water we now been told cant stay at our sons have moved his stepson into guest room etc etc. I must admit had a good cry.

Also our ds is away the week we going stay near them typical ?

Have good evening all we got old friends visiting but feel v tired, don't think they will stay long,?He has Parkinson's xx

Rhinestone, I agree with Jenty - just a brief TY note and be done with it.

Celeb, glad to hear you had such a good time with M and D! And congrats to all on the coming baby boy!

Sorry you can't stay at DS' and that it made you cry. (((Hugs))) But understand the reason for the change and suspect you're just more sensitive, right now, cuz of T.

Actually, you may find you prefer staying in a hotel/motel - more privacy and so forth. But can you change the timing so you can be there when DS will be home?

Thanks wendysue, but it is not very good when we gave them deposit for house my dis said ii your room mum, they actually have plenty of space but it seems we are no welcome to stay which would have upset.me enormously regardless of. Y vulnerability at moment,

I offered for us stay b a d but weekend we could do ns said he must study for his PhD which has been ongoing for last 5 years so I took hint then.

Sadly his partner is only interested in her son's and her mother who will of course be staying for a month. Trouble is she is very insincere and pretends stuff she does t mean which I don't like.