Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

We are okay but there were 80 mile per hour winds in the area. It was very scarey. We are on a second floor of a building and no where to hide really.

Oh Rhinestone what a shame that the weather isn't too good at the moment, where in Florida are you? Glad you found us, I think if you contact GN HQ and ask them too, they'll delete the other thread for you.

I'm so sorry that the news about your mum isn't good. It must be of some comfort that your DD is keeping an eye on your mum. I do hope that you'll be able to relax and enjoy your holiday and that the weather improves for you.

Of course you hope you'll get a response to the card you've sent Celeb, that's one of the reasons I don't want to send them and as you say Yogagirl and heavenknows what kind of relationship could we possibly have with our EC if they did want to reconcile? How could we ever trust them again? Would we spend the rest of our lives waiting for them to betray us all over again? I'll never be able to trust our ES again and I just don't see how you can have a relationship with someone you can't trust.

You must be stressed out about your appointment this week Celeb, which day is it? Glad you enjoyed your night out, you too Yogagirl. We had our friends son round last night, his parents are in Oz at the moment visiting his brother who lives in Sydney and come back at the end of the month.

Have a good Sunday, we're going to skype DS in Oz now, this time last week we were 2 hours away from landing at Heathrow; I can't believe we've been back a week already.

Oh, Rhinestone, how frightening! I think I would be a basket case! Glad you're all ok though! Whew!

I get that you don't believe SD - I don't either. But at least, it seems she was trying to spare her dad's feelings, so that's good. It still doesn't explain why she couldn't find time for him. But maybe she thought eking time out for her nephew's birthday party was a bigger priority though I know that might hurt DH. I also suspect some pressure from her mother and ESS to keep DH at bay. You may have your own reasons to dislike her, I realize, but I think you should cut her some slack here. I imagine she's kinda caught in the middle.

Rhinestone Hope you are ok with the tornado! other than that little thing enjoying your holiday in Florida. I hope your mum gets the treatment she needs and gets better soon.

Heaven I understand how you feel about your D dipping in and out of your life and only when she needs you, but I so wish my D would dip in and out, I miss her soooo much and my GC, you're totally correct in not putting up with that nonsense, but even so I wish I had that situation rather than mine with total cut out, not knowing a thing about what they are doing, and unable to get any news of them from anyone, as all family cut out.

Celebgran sorry your knees are playing you up, have you tried a knee support? [one with a hole for the knee to move] I, as you, still hope, but after 3plus years of total silence . No matter what happens, those years have gone forever those years when our GC are at their cutest and are really 'into' their nannies & granddads

Smileless enjoy your Skype visit with your NS & D.i.l. If ever there was a reconciliation with my estD, yes of course things would be different, if she throw a strop again, I would not be running after her like I did this time, but I would make sure my GC knew how to get in contact with me and to not let their mother stop them seeing me.

for all

Yoga, I've been thinking about what you said here:

"I now wish my ND & I had gone round and just marched her out to the restaurant, maybe we could have lifted the fog from her brain and saved her from being totally brainwashed into hating the people that loved her & her children more than anyone else in the world!"

Please don't beat yourself up about what you maybe shoulda/woulda/coulda done differently. TBH, I don't think it would have helped if you and ND had "gone round" to ED's house. I hope it doesn't hurt to hear this, but, to me, that's just a fantasy. Most likely, she wouldn't have answered the door. Or she and SIL would have screamed at you from behind it. While I haven't gone through this experience myself, I've seen too many stories, both here and on other sites, where a GP "just went ahead and went over" to an estranged son or daughter's house, only to find themselves ignored, verbally abused or to have the young couple call the police and accuse them of "trespassing."

Yoga, the more I read about your situation, the more I feel that ED is being controlled, somehow, by SIL and his parents. So sad. But I don't think there's anything you can do, until and unless ED decides to reach out to you.

If it's any comfort, I've also heard stories where the daughter finally realizes what kind of man her husband is, packs up her kids and herself and leaves, heading for her parents. Maybe you have, too. And maybe that's what will happen with your ED, someday, though it's anybody's guess as to when. Or maybe not. But I hope so.

For the second year running, it will be my eldest GS's 5th birthday tomorrow (19th) and I have not been allowed to send him anything or be in touch or see him. I bet he doesn't even remember me now. Certainly the youngest won't and he is 3 in June.

I agree though, how would I trust my ED if we ever did get in contact again? This is the second time that she has taken the children off me so I can't afford to go through it again. It wouldn't be fair on them, getting to know me and then her taking them away.

I'll have to concentrate on learning to play my new piano which arrives later today, I've just near killed myself sweeping up for where it is going in the kitchen. I get worse with my breathing late at night, I know I should go to bed as it is 3.30 am but the house is quiet, my DS is asleep and not demanding my attention (we can't win, can we? One doesn't speak to me and the other one wants my attention 24/7 but then she was like that when she was at home, but apparently she has done all her upbringing herself .)

I've been ok recently but then saw this thread and had a read. I have read the ones before this. I do think however, even if we keep things going, doing our own thing, that it is always there in the back of our minds. I watched Sex and The City 2 earlier (not very good) but was a bit upset because my ED used to watch the series. And I have First Wives Club to watch which we both sat and watched a few times. It's awful, depending on how we are feeling at the time.

Onwards and upwards, all of you take care, do something nice for yourselves. Love to all. Xxx

Really feel for you Rubylady, it is always at the back of your mind however hard you try. Inside I feel almost panic with it all, but know I have no choice, like you to go on. I keep thinking of things that perhaps I should have done at the time that I would do differently now I am in this position, then that makes me feel worse for not doing it, if that makes sense. I have realised that I am not any good with confrontation with loved ones I want everything to be right so give in for a quiet life so problems do not get addressed properly.

Good luck with the piano, my granddaughter learnt to play it and I loved listening to her, especially when she jazzed it up, I think if you can play music it must open up your life so much. I wish now I had learnt to play some musical instrument, but at my school it just didn't happen, my family certainly were not interested, then marriage, children and other demands on the purse do it didn't happen.x

I have just come across you all and hope you don't mind me joining you. We are estranged from two of my dh children and so have never met 4 of the grandchildren. We genuinely have no idea why and this has been going on for a good 10 years now. My ss (brother to the other 2) remains close to us and we see his 3 children regularly, but understandably he does not want to get involved. My own 2 dgd love my dh to bits and he is grandad to them. Dh had severe health scare last year which they will have heard about but still no response from them. I sometimes just want to scream, honestly we are nice people, and it breaks my heart for dh.Bit of a long one, please forgive me for that, but it helps to let it out.

Thank you Wendysue you are correct on all three points and I hope you are correct on the last one; where she packs up and finally leaves him, cos that's the only way I'll every see her again

Rubylady for tomorrow, to try and brighten your day tomorrow on your GS birthday. That happens to me too re; watching a programme my estD liked and thinking of her..all the time! Enjoy your new piano, clever girl

Luckylegs & Lonniefrances

Smileless We are in Naples and Sarasota this vacation. Honestly I have been to both sides of the state and have never been so scared in my whole life as that storm the other night. My friends even sat in their closet for an hour until it let up. And my DH just went back to sleep leaving me to pace back and forth.
I'm trying very hard to enjoy my time here and I have managed to do some retail therapy but mom is on my mind daily with constant phone calls to and from various hospital people.
I did text my son about his grandmother. They had such a good relationship but he never responded nor called my daughter. And my brother stopped responding to me the night before mom went into the hospital. I have contacted his closest friends and they haven't heard from him. So today I will call the police and see if they can check on him. If you see the movie" Joy" that's me taking care of everybody.

WendySue My problem with my SD is that she lied up and down about not having time to see anyone, then lied and said she didn't see the kids , then lied again about not knowing about the party until the last minute. She didn't want to hurt her dad but she hurt him more by not being honest. So my ESS and his wife have now not only estranged us but also my DD and her family. They are evil, cruel and no good.

Yogagirl thank you for your kind wishes for mom. It's been a nightmare this last year.

Yoga, you're very welcome. I think it's very normal to start blaming oneself when there doesn't seem to be any immediate solution. But unless there's something one has truly done wrong, that's not really fair to oneself, IMO. If estD is being controlled by other people, it's not your fault in any way. Like you, I hope the more positive possibility comes true.

Rubylady, how awful not to even be able to send GS a gift! At least then, you would be able to feel you had some kind of relationship with him, even if only from afar, and that he would have some fond memories of you. I don't know why some parents deny their kids gifts, just cuz they've had a falling out with somebody! I get that it's hard to arrange visits if the adults aren't speaking, but why is a gift a problem? I've looked at some DIL boards and I see them telling each other "no contact means no contact," so no gifts or cards from the EGPs allowed and so forth. But I don't understand why it has to be so extreme. I'm so sorry about this!

I wonder, don't these parents realize how hard these special days must be for EGPs? Or don't they think about it?

Anyhow, I think the piano is a great idea! Music is such a great healer!

Also, I don't recall if you ever said, but I hope you have an account or accounts for your GC, where you can deposit a financial gift for each birthday and so on. I've read here and elsewhere about EGPs doing that. At least then, maybe you would feel as if you were doing something for their birthdays. And when they got it, years later, they would know you were always thinking of them.

Luckylegs, I know how you feel about wishing you had learned to play an instrument. Me too. My parents gave me piano lessons, for a while, when I was a kid, but I didn't appreciate it back then and didn't practice enough, LOL! So, after a while, they let it go. While I'm not in the unhappy situation some of you ladies are in, I've still had my bad days, here and there, of course, and being able to sit down and play something would have been so nice. I do listen to CDs and the radio, so music is still part of my life. I hope the same is true for you.

Welcome lonniefrances! I'm so deeply sorry about your estrangement from dh's 2 children. Were you close to them at any time? If so, my heart goes out to both of you!. If not, then it still goes out to poor dh - and to you, also, cuz I know it must be hard to see him in pain. I'm sorry, too, that you people never got to meet those 4 GC. I hope dh has an open FB account, even if only those GC can contact him someday when they're old enough, if they are so inclined. I've heard of some EGPs doing that.

Or maybe they will be able to get your address or phone number from their cousins if they're interested. There is no guarantee that they'll ever want to reach out to you people. But at least one of them might though they probably won't be able to till they're in their teens or older.

Anyhow, I'm glad you still have a relationship with dh's other ds and his kids. And with your own 2 dgds, as well. How heartwarming that your dgds love dh so much and see him as their actual "grandad!" I hope you both take lots of pleasure in these families and try not to focus too much on the ones you are estranged from.

As you can see, your post was not "long" - this is long, LOL! (Sorry people)

Wendysue you seem to dip into a lot of different forums, I wondered if you dip into 'mumsnet' ? It would be very interesting if there were any parallel stories on there about cutting their parents out, why they have done it and how they feel about it or if their spouses have made them do it, giving them an ultimatum. I have wondered if my estD ever goes on.

I added long post and nt sure what happened so annoying.

Happy and sad news M my nephew wife little D mum is expecting again good news!

Sad news T birthday tomorrow never gets easier.

Yogagirl cant believe your little one in 6 months,

Fingers crossed get some help with knee assessment tomorrow

Rhinestone hope weather picked up and you managing to enjoy holiday.

Smilelss hope you settling,back to normal.

Had pm on Facebook from girl used be uni with T she said how sad she was that T can be so cruel To me, especially when she remembered how she looked forward to seeing and hearing from me.

It is strange. She wondered why and who is influencing her, I think we know that,

Afternoon ladies. lonniefrances glad you found us and now that you've broken the ice by putting on your first post, I hope you'll post again. Yours is as all too familiar and sad tale of estrangement and we all understand your pain and frustration; it must be particularly difficult for your DH. Goodness, 10 years that is a long time. It says such a lot when there is more than one child and not all choose to abandon their parents. My DH had a health scare nearly 2 years ago, and as with you, our ES remained silent; it really is deafening isn't it, the silence.

It's truly awful rubylady that this has been done to you twice; no wonder you feel as if you could never trust your D again, I know I'll never be able to trust our ES again, the trust has been totally destroyed even though the love lingers on.

You're right of course, it is always going to be in the back of our minds for the rest of our lives but at least when we're busy moving forward and rebuilding our lives, it keeps it at the back and not in the fore front. Good luck with your piano playing. It was god to hear from you, keep in touch.

I used to do that Luckylegs, dwell on what I didn't do or say, or what I did but you know what, I know that we did nothing to justify their treatment of us so I don't do it any more. This is down to them not us, their fault not ours and their ultimate responsibility.

You know what Wendysue, I'm convinced these awful people do know how hard GC's bday's are for estranged GP's and that's why they try to put a total block on anything being sent; they do it because they know it hurts, they do it because they can.

We no longer get the cards we send put back through our letter box, they probably go straight in the bin, but even if we did it wouldn't stop me from sending them.

From what Wendysue said about what she's seen on d.i.l. boards Yogagirl about 'no contact meaning no contact' I expect that's what we'd find on Mumsnet too. It would be interesting to know if any D's have been given an ultimatum and if any d.i.l.'s have given the ultimatum to their husbands.

Celeb to lift your spirits tomorrow andto wish you luck with your knee appointment tomorrow andto toast M's wonderful news.

Take care everyone.

Welcome, lonniefrances from me too.

Nothing suprised me now 3years ago or thereabouts mynah was v I'll off work and dreadful cough, xray etc. Strong antibiotics I was so worried wrote to ed nothing,zero no reply,that taught me she doesn't give a damn about us and makes me wonder how sincere she ever was.

Thanks smileless do hope get so,e positive help tomorrow feel such old fogey with bad knees.

Oh well shepherds pie ,ad no get washing in waste time reckon too cold to dry and try limp upstairs for spot ironing!?Rather?As went acquacise

Life is just so hard sometimes isn't it!

Yes it is Luckylegs.

Thinking of you Celeb and my thoughts will be with you tomorrow.

Celebran to take your mind off T's birthday today and to help you through your hospital biopsy. Thank God you got good news too, with M having another baby, congratulations to all It's nice you get messages from your estD's friends, saying how they can't understand her cruelty to you, we know they wouldn't have done this off their own backs, but still they have gone along with their nasty husband/wife, no one could brainwash me to hurt my mum&dad, sister&brother, children and rest of my birth family, I would have simply said "NO!"

CELEBGRAN- I'm thinking of you today with your ED birthday. I'm sorry for you.
LUCKYLEGS- I was dwelling the other day about what I should have or shouldn't have said when EDIL said her children deserved a better grandfather.
RUBYLADY- I told my DH the same thing as you said. I will never ever trust my ESS and his wife again even if we do reconcile. How could we?
Well ladies I fell getting into a boat for a tour and severely twisted my ankle yesterday. It swelled up immediately and after four hours at the hospital I am on crutches which I don't use very well. I guess between moms hospitalization and this now, I should not have come on my vacation. Life is one adventure after another I guess. I have some pain but my foot looks ugly. I don't even know how it happened... one minute I'm stepping down into a boat and the next my face is on the seat . But this pain is nothing next to the pain we all suffer. This will go away in a few days.

Well I got very tearful at my knee assessment, is bone on bone left knee so fluid injection won't help want to put off surgery until lost bit weight so going opt for steroid injections I think to help pain for moment.
He wasn't a very kind sort of man to be honest, he couldn't understand why I was upset! My right knee marginally better got some cartilage.

Saw locum gp this afternoon. For more pain relief he was sooo kind I got tearful again explaining he upset I was ? He was lovely the more he said kindly don't cry, slow down, worse I got? Just take 2 new painkillers.

Thanks rhinestone and Yogagirl and smilelss I have had better days.
Hurts to think daughter I would have died for and did my utmost to help doesn't know or care about my horrid problems now.

On bright note yes ???great news about M new baby.
Also emailed son about upsetting appt despite home being in meeting got nice email back saying he loved me so much, so that helped.

GD had us up last night sick, she is on heat today bless, last year was very slight she is 13 nearly.

Tomorrow is the camera bladder cystoscopy oh hell roll on Friday,

Hope your bladder procedure went ok today celebregran. After the most awful day yesterday when I felt as low as I could be, today I feel a lot better. I think my decision to bow out of the distructive relationship I have endured for so long is the right one as I have given so many of my good years that I could have had, trying to alter something I can't. Have you heard the prayer.
Give me the courage to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference. Why didn't I take notice of these wise words years ago, I might not have so many wrinkles and certainly would be slimmer.

Thinking of you all.

Oh Celebgran so sorry you had such a bad day of it yesterday Your knee does sound bad & painful, maybe an op would be your best option, you will need it in the end, so have it now and save yourself all that pain and trips to the hospital, and injections ach! I always say avoid surgery, but you sound like you really need it if it's bone on bone How cruel our children are! like you, I would have died for my Daughter! Good luck today at the hospital, stay strong

Rhinestone what a truly horrid thing your husbands daughter said to him! Sorry about your ankle, easy done, you and celeb are certainly in the wars As you rightly say the pain will go in a week but our grieving just goes on and on...

Luckylegs yes I've hear that saying, easier said than done though, when it is excepting being 'cut out' of your beloveds lives I'm glad you are feeling better with your thoughts I just can't get them out of my mind, no matter how much I try fed up with my mind being full of sad thoughts! I do the same thing with 'If onlys'

Celebgran lovely picture of you and T, you both look so happy and loving, if only we could turn the clock back There's that 'If only' again

Thanks Yogagirl, we really were so close and loving it makes me feel sick inside now to think of all have lost. If only she would relent and see me at again, but I am afraid it is unlikely now.

Yes I will go for knee op but I have to lose stone in Weight before they will refer me. NEw govt guidelines. Makes sense. Adds to pressure tho!mso injections meanwhile and pain relief.

How kind luckylegs and all to wish me well glad to report dr and nurses were absolutely lovley and it really was easier than last cystoscopy. Or quite as posh as private hospital but nurses were soooo much nicer, luck I guess. Good new as last all inflammation gone.

Hope go out to,or row GD has us up again last night to so got vets appt Tom she seems lot better and eating chicken ok?

Have good evening all smilelss hope all well and how is gymn going ?

Sorry luckylegs do hope you feel bit brighter today