Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

You poor things Rhinestone and Celeb you're certainly the walking wounded at the moment. Bone on bone, no wonder you're in so much pain Celeb. So pleased that the hospital staff were kind and caring today, it makes all the difference doesn't it.

If only they could see all emotional turmoil and anguish that's going on inside; if only there was an operation that could take that away.

I'm glad you're feeling better today Luckylegs. That's a lovely prayer, I have it on a book marker and often think about the wisdom of those words. We just have to find a way of accepting that we cannot change what's happened with our children, it's the only choice we have and I honestly believe it's the only way forward. Well done for taking the decision you have, it takes courage to 'walk away', the first step on the road to recovery.

I haven't looked at any photo's of ES for, ooh must be 3 years, just can't stand to see the way we used to be, the way he used to be.

My little fur baby boy is snuggled up beside me and I feel really mean because he's going for his little op tomorrow. At least he wont have to wear one of those awful plastic cones to stop him licking at his wound, I've asked the vets to get me a surgical body stocking so that he'll be more comfortable. Mr. S. is taking him in in the morning and I'll pick him up when he's ready to come home. So, guess what I'll be doing tomorrow? Yep, worrying about my precious little bundle. I shouldn't have pets, says she who has 2 cats and 2 dogs, I'm just too soft.

Me too Yogagirl, absolutely. No one could have made me abandon my parents, brother, grandparents and extended family. It's often much harder to do the right thing but much easier to sleep at night and look at yourself in the mirror each day. Well, OK it's not always easy to sleep but if they have any humanity in them at all, our EC will no doubt have more restless nights than we do.

Hope all is OK with you Rubylady and lonniefrances. Have a good night everyone.

Morning Girls

Clelebgran glad the inflammation has gone down and your knee is less painful. Never say never with T, I think like me & Smileless if your D and her husband split up, then after a while I think she would reconnect with you, so don't give up on hope

Smileless I wonder too re sleepless nights, I think about Xmas just gone and my estD birthday just before, surely on these special occasions she thinks of us, we always made such a fuss of her, she never got that fuss from her nasty husband, he didn't believe in giving cards nor presents! He did give her some nice flowers on special days, but Xmas he's whole family only give presents to the children, where as our family give to all, everyone likes to get a gift at Xmas time and on your birthday.

On their first Xmas together they gave no presents what so ever, not for themselves or the children and of course not anything for us, not even a card. I of course didn't mind, my ND did, but I did say that they could have given a home made card to us, made by the children. My estD had actually just bought the children their own armchairs, which were lovely, the children loved them and always sat in them so they were given on Xmas morning, but weren't bought for Xmas day, they were bought before and then kept back when my estD was told be nasty 'no presents' I think he resented going out to work and then spending his money on gifts, when he needed all his money for his drugs; pot & cocaine . My ND & I still wonder though if in fact this was all lies and it was just us, my estD's side of the family that got nothing We hadn't at that time, got a full handle on nasty's pathological lying yet

Good luck Fur baby boy of Smileless, hope it all goes well.

[Wine] for tonight girls, well it is Friday

celebgran the knee - 18 months ago I was in exactly your position - bone on bone - steroid injection meant I could walk - just about - but one day woke up and knee completely gone. NHS operated 5 weeks later. Luckily I had crutches in the house and very supportive family. How long are they going to make you wait for a replacement. I was not wildly overweight, but they have given a new knee recently to a friend who is over 18 stone (well over I would think) - so I think you should shout a bit - losing weight when you cant exercise is not easy! It is not a pleasant op but now (apart from the scar and bleeping airport security) I would hardly know it was different from the good one. Living with that pain pre-op was hell, and if you dont make a fuss they may just put you on the back burner.

Celebgran*So glad your inflammation is gone and the procedure is over for you.
Yogagirl I can identify with your SIL's drug addiction. My DD's husband spends a lot on pot and beer when the family could use the money.
She needs to divorce him but I understand her wanting to try and keep her family together.
SmilelessOur animals really are our children who accept us for who we are. Good luck with the operation. Maybe our EC need to take a lesson from the animals.
In a few weeks it will be one year of estrangement for us. I'm sick at the thought of how so entitled our ES and ESS are to
treat us this way. I have a mother who is totally maniac on and off for many years, who said and did inappropriate things because of her illness and I wouldn't think of abandoning her and never letting my children see her while they were growing up.
What happened? Did we all subtly give them permission? Did our society say it's okay with everyone to do saying they are going to get toxic people out of their lives?
Where is the tolerance?
Where is the conversation and communication?
Anyways I'm seeing a podiatrist here on Monday and hope I can get a boot to wear so I can get around. I hear it's cold back home so at least I'm outside and can't walk.
My DH I'm sure is happy as this curtails my shopping experiences. Have a good day all!

Granarchist that is really interesting thank you. I am definitely not that overweight he said it is since last September, very unfair I agree. How come your friend got op being so much heavier than me? Admittedly I just need lose 11lb I can swim and acquacise walking. Not so easy nowl

HAVE DATE FOR injection Feb 10th the man I saw was not very kind, but meant to be good at injections so hope he bit nicer then.

Not sure who to. Make a fuss with gp I suppose?

Thanks again.

Yeah try keep by hope alive Yogagirl, we just got in from rock pant I manage walk round town but not like I used to? Ipswich is way too near T that's were rock panto is we don't go there much as upsets us to be in her area.

Hope little doggie ok sorry smilles was kt doggie being neutered today?
As you have cats also sorry confused.

Happy weekend all xxxx

Sorry thank you ladies and rhinestone was so relieved hope you get foot sorted rhinestone ?

Yoga girl, you sil sounds the most controlling awful man, one day when your daughter realises that she will be back I am sure, there is a storyline on the Archers about a guy called Rob getting his wife away from all her family and friends, she is going his way because she loves him, I want to yell at her cant you see what he is doing, it's only a radio programme but it's showing how people can be manipulated to be under the control of another person.

Celebregran, not long now until the 10 February, thank goodness for your lovely husband being by your side.

Smileless, hope your little dog is fine, didn't know they wore body stockings, he must look like a sausage, one of my cats, about 20 years ago now, bit her stitches out.

Rhinestone how frightening it must be when those torneados come in. You are doing such a good thing for your mom, where would she be without you? Yes you are right in your comments about our children, I can see how some would turn away if they are with controlling partners or have mental health issues or under the grip of drugs, at least they are not thinking straight. My daughter doesn't come into that category, I just get on her nerves, I keep thinking of what I could have done so bad, but guess I will never know, I must just do it without realising I do it, so a severance from me is just what she wants. That is what makes it so hard, to know its you as a person that has failed.

Weekends for me are the worst time, I need to find something to fill them, that us without doing the house or garden up.

To all those going through separation I am thinking of you.

Thank you Luckylegs yes my s.i.l & his mother are the epittamy of evil, if my now EstD had said she was going to cut her m.i.l out I would have stopped her, even though she is not my GD GM, not related, only by marriage. Yet she was the driving force in getting me cut out, and got great pleasure in it too. It's not you that has the personality disorder, it's your estD, so you must stop thinking that, yet I know we all do look at ourselves and think The Arches sound interesting, missed too much of it to tune I now. Drugs are definitely the big problem in my case, but nasty & his mother, without drugs, have a sever personality disorder called Narcissism, top of the tree!

Rhinestone the first year is the hardest the sharp edges start to full after this, but the length of time then has it's own sharp edges to cope with Your right about the animals teaching our estC, my little dog is sooo loving and faithful. You have very kind to your mother, 'pat on the back for you'

for all and for tonight, well it is Saturday

No, no, no Luckylegs, you're not the one whose failed it's your daughter who has. So you get on her nerves sometimes, we all get on peoples nerves from time to time but that doesn't justify the way she treats you. You haven't failed as a person, she's failed as a daughter.

that's an interesting post from Granarchist Celeb, seems a bit extreme to want to put your op on hold because you need to lose less than a stone in weight. Losing weight isn't easy and it's more difficult if you can't be as active as you'd like to be.

Yogagirl's right Rhinestone the first year IS the hardest because of all the 'firsts'; 1st bday's, mothers day, fathers day and Christmas. Your mum is very lucky to have such a loving and caring daughter. It can't be easy for you; honestly our kids who've turned their backs on us have no idea have they.

Both our cats and dogs are like yours Yogagirl, loving and faithful they could certainly teach our horrible kids a thing or two. Have to admit to shedding a few tears when I first bought him home yesterday. He was so uncomfortable and kept looking at me and I felt sooo guilty.

Had a stressful day so far. My little boy is curled up next to me, sound asleep and looks really cute in his 'medi vest' but it's not as easy to manage as I'd thought it would be. Bless him, he did a wee without giving me any indication he needed to go. I'd already undone it and taken him outside but nothing doing, until half an hour later when he was back in and all fastened up. It's quite tight to get on and off and even more difficult when it's wet.

So, because I needed to get it washed and dried before he could wear it again, Mr. S. had to go to the vets before work and get another one and bring it straight back. All sorted.....a couple of hours later I unfastened it, took him outside, nothing doing until he came back in and did a very loose number 2. What a mess, all over him, the carpet and of course the 'medi vest'. Took me half an hour to clean him and the carpet; at least the other vest was ready to put on him.

He must be feeling very out of sorts not to let me know he wants to go. I wonder if being fastened into his little vest is confusing him. Well I'm on the alert now and as soon as he wakes up I'll take him outside again and if there's nothing doing I'll watch him like a hawk and if all my planning fails well at least I'll have a clean one ready and waiting. Hope this is just a glitch, he was really quite difficult to house train, took a lot longer than I was expecting.

Hope you all have a good weekendandfor you all.

Omg smilelss poor little chap and poor you ??sorry forgot it was the little doggie the new one you got I I expect. I hate to say it but ditch the body vest I inow they hate collars but beats all that mess!??

We took our,little baby GD to vets as got us up again so lucky get appt with experienced vet who knows her well.

Not sure what wrong could have been on heat he couldn't tell she wasn't swollen etc but was earlier I. Week, what with manically changing her towels and stuff cos of fleas we not noticed but Gra reckoned he saw couple spots blood on towel.

Anyway he was very good and through (vet)gave her antibioitc jab be on safe side and tablets and good examination.

She is enjoying her chicken and cooked pasta today as bless she was hungry.

Must get off here and press on so much to do.
Happy saturday all
Yes smiles I thought that was very interesting post from granachrist but I am,trying hard with diet !??

We enjoyed outing yesterday's but is too near T really to be comfortable. Keep thinking of stuff we did and it hurts.

Morning Girls

Celebgrans is right Smileless that body stocking is more trouble than it's worth, so I know those halos aren't nice, but better than what you and little doggie are going through now, for sure the body suit is supressing his natural function to wee and so when you take it off it takes a time for it to run back down the tube for him to 'go' that's little doggie blushing, not me

Sorry little GD has fleas, for sure that's from the kennels, that's why I would never put my furchild in one, Lilly has never had fleas and I have never had to use flea 'stuff', I brush her really well every morning with a special brush that gets right down to the under fur [not soft brush] and bath once per month or before if needed.

I think the above post is a first with no mention of estrangement

SmilelessHope your little one is feeling better. Is he on medicine because sometimes that will make them tired and not have the energy to let you know he has to go out? I hope he bounces back quickly.

Well mom is coming out of her mania but was mad at me when I finally got through to talk to her. I only called her twice she said. They have one cordless phone on the whole floor for the patients to use. I have called many times to be told to call back later. She doesn't realize how out of it she was that and there was no point in calling. So she must be feeling better if I am getting slapped on the hand again. She doesn't realize my daily calls to the nurses and her doctor. I feel like I can never do any good.
CelebgranIt is so hard to be near where our EC live and that's why Smileless has to be a real trooper to do so. It's right in front of her all the time.Glad you had a nice day though.
YogagirlI know that you are right about the firsts but it's hard to wrap my brain around the fact that family doesn't care about us.
That they don't even want to try to make things better. Look what our children are teaching their children? It makes me sick over and over and I can't stop thinking about it.
Well my foot is still swollen but today will finally be warm here. Huge snowstorms up north on our east coast so glad I'm down here even though lots of rain and cool weather.

Oh dear, don't know what to do for the best. Those halos are awful, they're so big and he's only little bless him. He sleeps in his cage at night (I've so far managed to resist the temptation to take him to bed) and there's no way he could be comfortable with one of those things on, even if he could get in it with one on.

Came down to a horrible mess this morning, poor little chap. He's not really interested in food and has only eaten some scrambled egg but I'm doing a roast tonight so hopefully he'll be tempted when he smells it cooking, he usually is Couldn't go to the gym yesterday and looks like I wont be going tomorrow either.

It's not going for a wee that's the problem it's the other because he has the runs. I think it's the pain killer that's causing it, they said it might. I was told to give it to him for 3-5 days, today was day 2, but Mr. S. and my bro have said not to give him any more. Being uncomfortable is better for him than having the runs. They don't think he'll be in pain as such but uncomfortable. They could be right I told you I shouldn't be a pet owner; too soft.

Oooh poor little GD Celeb. I've always put our fur babies in kennels and never had a problem with fleas I guess it's just one of those unfortunate things. I hope she feels better soon.

Anyone other than you lovely regular posters reading this, will think I'm posting on the wrong thread. Is there one for pets? I'll have a look but I prefer talking to you on here.

I think you're right Yogagirl, well done.

Hope you all have a good day.

Smileless and Celebgran,Hope your little ones are on the mend, they have both been through the mill.

Today is my late mother's birthday, she would be 96 years old had she lived, she died when she was 56 years old, do you know I still miss her. Cannot imagine ever leaving her on her own like my daughter has me.

Rhinestone, glad your mom has turned a corner, it must be such a relief when it happens. You are doing a lot of good, even though your mother, because of her illness doesn't realise it. So be kind to yourself.
.

Luckylegs I can so relate to that, my dear mum died in 1984 at 70 and I still miss her dreadfully took plant to her grave she would have been 102 on21st Jan day after T Our ed birthday. Is impossible to imagine how our daughters can deliberately when I still miss my mum, T cut us odd at same age I lost my mum 29.

Oh smilelss poor little chap agree with oh and brother cut painkillers they obviously doing more harm than good.

It isn't fleas making GD I'll ladies she had tum trouble vet not sure if she been on heat, she loses so little now at her age. He gave her injection yesterday and tablets always tad annoying as he gives directions to G as he is pharmacist like I amStupid!?

Had awful night with her being. Sick and bringing up her tea bless we had stay up with her, well Gra let me go back bed when she was sleeping. We rested all morning she had little chicken just now enjoyed, would t have any with tablets on But ate at lunch she. Hungry I guess, I had try get antibioitc for tum down her neck putting back tongue, was t easy as didn't want make her sick.

Glad your mum improved rhinestone, now is ankle??bit better I hope. Does t seem like you will get any praise for being good daughter to your mum.

Yogagirl vet says carpets have be done, also we were giving frontline which supposed be out date now fleas are on to it? Lucky u do t get them with your little one, he reckons careers need doing at least once yead???

Had cancel t godparents visit we both so tired.
It can only get better worry so about GD I know we won't have her for ever,??

Hope you doggies get better quickly Smileless & Celebgran perphaps a nappie for yours Smileless

Just watching the news about the thick snow in USA, hope it doesn't come here!

Rhinestone hope your foot swelling will go down soon, your mum isn't quite with it, so try not to worry about her thinking you didn't phone, surely the nurses would have told her, but suppose she forgot!

luckylegs I miss my mum too, loved her very much and would never have thought for a second to hurt her in any way!

Feeling upset, as got in from a very busy day; two yoga classes and then an audition for a new Leisure centre to do some more yoga classes there. I wasn't looking forward to it at all, 3 hours! all the teachers have to do a 15min audition and join in with each session, I did my yoga first, then had to do 3 pumps & aerobics, I ended up having a really good time, great laugh and got the job, so left feeling good.

Back to feeling upset; my ND sent me pics she had got from my son's FB page via her friend that sent him a friend request and surprisingly he accepted, he must know it's ND's friend, he did know her before. Anyway, one picture was of my estD house, a tiny white Xmas tree on a table with lots of Xmas gifts under, "It's beginning to look a lot like Xmas, only 10 days to go" -with my Son's name , so this means my estS was there for Xmas, passing my house to get there although he may not have stayed 10days and then for Xmas, perhaps he left before, but still he passed my house to get there Then there was one of those mm's, sent from my estD to my estS, that said "Don't worry about the family that ignores you and acts like you don't matter. Love the ones who are always there for you, no matter what" at the top it said " love you bro, me & you" with two little figures holding hands! so really don't know what to make of that!

Bet you thinking ' wish she hadn't got her new laptop

Oooh Yogagirl how upsetting for you, knowing that your ES has so recently passed by your house. I know only to well how that feels although thank goodness it's been quite a while since ES walked past ours, well perhaps it's been quite a while since I saw him walking past.

I hate those bloody mm's, Mr. S. often reads them out to me when they've appeared on his FB page and I always end up reaching for something to be sick in. It's unbelievable isn't it, they've ignored YOU and act like YOU don't matter and they're not loving "the ones who are always there for (them) no matter what" because they're not loving YOU. That sort of hypocritical BS makes me so mad.

I wonder what your mum would have thought if she were alive today Luckylegs. I sometimes think I'm glad my gran's no longer here, she'd have been mortified to see how her once beautiful GS had turned out.

I'm sure Yogagirl's right Rhinestone and the nurses will have told your mum you 'phoned and she'll have forgotten. You're doing a wonderful job so don't be so hard on yourself; at least she's now well enough to tell you off. Hope your foot continues to get better and you enjoy the rest of your holiday, when are you going back home?

Poor GD, I hope she's a lot better today Celeb, how old is she? I'm just wondering why you didn't have her spade, I've been wishing all weekend that I'd never had my little boy 'seen too'; they say it's in their best interests. Our vets are brill and I have absolute faith in them but even so ....

Well the little chap is a bit brighter today but you wont believe what I came down to this morning. My little cat who, as you know has been having health problems for some time had a prolapsed bowel this morning. OMG it looked awful, poor Mr. S. when I saw it I just screamed for him to come. 'Phoned the vet and they opened up early to see him. We left him to be sedated so they could put it back. He's back home again now thank goodness and well it's just amazing how quickly he's recovered but I don't know what the long term prognosis is going to be. The vet took the
opportunity to take a biopsy so we'll have to wait and see if that gives any indication of what's wrong.

It's been a really horrible morning after a rather stressful weekend and not the best way to start the week; little cat at the vets for a follow up tomorrow and little chap on Wednesday, 4 trips to the vets and £430 lighter, let's hope that's it for a while.

Yes smileless that's what I thought, it was like they were saying we had cut them out and turned our backs on them, when it was totally them! That's why I never try to look on FB, but of course when my ND sent them on to me, I had to look but I've deleted them now. My ND said ' sorry they upset you mum, I thought you would want to see' but of course I did, but it's like a double edge sword isn't it you want to know what they are doing and then when you find out, it's upsetting, as it's saying they are enjoying their life, their Xmas, without you! But my ND thinks that even though we cannot see anything on their FB, she thinks it was still meant for us to see and of course we did.

Hope your little furchild is feeling a bit better today S. I had my Lilly done after her first 'show' it was such a mess, but also if she had had pups, I wouldn't be able to part with them, so would have ended up like 101 Dalmatians . I do remember when I went to pick her up after the op, she came out walking sooo slowly, with head hanging down and I thought 'what have I done to her!' but she was soon well again and running round So your little one will too.

Sorry your cat is having problems too, glad to hear all sorted, so hope for the best for him. Bet the vet was pleased with all the business your giving him, the last few weeks!

to cheer you up S

Yogagirl I expect like myndaighter blaming my mental healthntheynhavento find reason to justify their
awful behaviour. I still see bits on T volleyball site and it just upsets me but kinda compulsive to look. She posted cake on her birthday covered in m and m s and maltesers.

Her godmother didn't send her birthday card this time first time and it just seems so very sad
She has also altered her will of course I don't blame her but it seems so final.
I did her treatments yesterday and was pleased tho say so myself with her feet deep pink and painted a white and silver branch on big toe?And her eyebrows looked good too!?

Thank god GD improved a lot had 2 nights sleep!

Went folk dancing last night enjoyed but oh dear knee v painful in night got be careful.
Good news lost 2lb officially at weigh in yesterday,?
Off acquacise today,
Very well done Yogagirl for getting another job or class whatever is right????clever girl,

Smilelss hope little dog tum settled it is testing omg your poor cat, hope that works out, your are keeping vets happy ??
Glad my Steve not going stares til end Feb their weather seems horrid at moment.

Oh well better get costume on?

Hi All- Went to the podiatrist yesterday and they did some more testing. I have a lot of swelling yet and a small tear in a ligament. But the good news is that I got a boot so I can walk. When I get home in two weeks I will need rehab therapy.
Thank you all for your support with my foot and mom also. She's starting to complain so I know she's getting better.
I will have to clean up the mess that was created by her manic shopping when I get home. At least my state did not get any snow so I won't have to deal with that.
SmilelessI hope your little fur baby is
better. They are just like babies when they
get sick are't they?
YogagirlMy DD was doing the same thing. She would send me my ESS posts on FB and Instagram. Of course I wanted to see them but it upset me at the same time. Their posts were hypocritical to hoe they are living their lives. With all that Buddhist philosophy and yet they sure like their Xmas presents. Finally my DD said she couldn't take it anymore and especially since they didn't invite her to Aiden's birthday, she deleted them and now we both feel better but I can't see the kids pictures anymore.
CelebgranHave you tried putting your dogs pill in a piece of cheese? That always worked for me. And what you said about the vet not talking to you makes me mad also. There is definitely discrimination and old school thinking going on still today.
I really think if my I laws were alive my ESS would not be behaving this way. It's like their deaths gave him license to not ever talk or care about his dad.
Have a good day all .

Well done Celeb 2lbs gone and only another 9 to go, you must be pleased with yourself. T's godmother not sending her a card for the first time just shows how as time goes on, we're not the only ones who've had enough, just feeling as if we're banging our heads against a brick wall and all we get is a headache. Altering wills isn't necessarily final, they can always be changed back; you must be pleased for the support, clearly she's annoyed at the way you're being treated and it's been going on for so long now.

Putting pills in cheese is a brilliant idea I do that for my dogs and cats; never had either that didn't like cheese.

Your ND's right Yogagirl, these things are for our benefit and doesn't it seem to you a bit like 'she who protests too much'. I don't do FB but if I did I wouldn't feel the need to put crap on like that; Mr. S. doesn't do it and I'm sure you don't. If they're really content with what they've done and their loves without us, why the need to crow about it.

Good news about your foot Rhinestone and it's good to know your mum's responding well to her treatment. I hope you'll be able to relax now and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Got up this morning full of fear and trepidation but my little cat was fine. He had his stitch out this morning and 2 injections, one antibiotic and the other for steroids. Seems he's just going to have to have the latter every 4 to 6 weeks as it's the only thing that firms him up. It may cause problems in a few years like making him diabetic but I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it. It's his quality of life that's the most important thing.

My other little fur baby is a bit better today. He's very cuddly and clingy; a bit of a baby bless him which is probably why we love him so much. There's no doubt about it, cats are certainly more resilient; you'd think there'd been nothing wrong with my cat yesterday.

Mr. S. is away until Thursday so it's just me and my babies this evening, a nice tea for one and whatever I want on the TV. Miss him of course but I'm quite looking forward to it.

Well at least I'm on the beach.FINALLY After two weeks.

Wow rhinestone add face photo next ! Glad you managing get about.
maybe folk dancing was bit much last night knee was v painful overnight.

No smileless her Godparents aren't doing that ie will and x as card to support us, they have nEver supported us I. First horrid sadness of it all godmother refused to write to T when we were t allowed to as T went police saying we harassing her.

The simple reason shenstoppedmks because T stopped contacting them she se t cards and thank you notes for few years not to us, I wrote T a d said how cruel to send birthday card to godmother same month as dad and ignoring him she stopped so must have some sort consience

All sad and unnecessary tho is t it?

Off bed now v tired managed acquacise and finally spoke to my brother first time since New Year's Day.

Sorry smilelss ??for you on your own.

Glad fur baby recovering well as is GD bless her.

Hope everyone's Tuesday gone well