1st Grandchild's Christening

The reason I posted about the aspect of how the ex is feeling is that I remember my own wedding day could have been like this. It was bad timing I know, but unfortunately my parents were just finalising their divorce at the time I got married. They'd been separated for a few years and nobody else was involved with the breakdown, but my Mum had started seeing someone else and I would have liked to invite him to the wedding. When I tested the water with my Dad, he said straight away he would not come if my Mum's 'friend' was going to be there (he became my step-dad). I thought that would be the case and that was that as far as I was concerned. There was no way I would get married without my Dad being there. My Mum was fine about it and so was my future step-dad, but looking back years later I realised how hard it would have been for my Dad sitting there unattached with his family and my Mum's family, plus my Mum with another man.

Only milly will know what kind of feelings are involved, but I don't feel comfortable saying let him stay away.

It has just occurred to me that this is in fact not a social but a religious occasion, the welcoming of a child into the Christian religion. The basis of this religion is forgiveness and love. It seems apparent that both of the child's grandparents are unable to leave their marriage behind and forgive each other, so perhaps until they can do so neither of them should be attending such an event.

Well done trish.

Exactly!

Problem is trisher , both grandparents are not hurting, all the forgiving has to come from one side , also there can be no forgiveness without repentance

Both not hurting Anniebach? One thinks his marriage ended because of an affair and refuses to socialise with new partner, the other says
"he does accept his failings as a husband and father"
and
"has formed good relationships with them which cannot be said in respect f their own father."
How much more hurt can it get?

Repentance isn't involved
The word “forgive” means to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a debt. When we wrong someone, we seek his or her forgiveness in order for the relationship to be restored. It is important to remember that forgiveness is not granted because a person deserves to be forgiven. Instead, it is an act of love, mercy, and grace.

I think you are judging now ab. We can't know what goes on in another's marriage.

Jingle, just joining in with all who have judged

Stick to your guns it's just your ex husbands way of trying to control the situation to suit himself if he doesn't attend it proves he can't put his family's happiness before his own.

I know ab.

Same applies to the poster harrysgran- if she has to take her new partner. As my gran would have put it "It's six of one and half a dozen of the other."

If we are bringing religion into it Trisher doesn't the marriage service say 'until death do us part' . Perhaps that's why the ex husband can't 'move on'.

Trisher. Surely someone needs to repent of their sins to receive forgiveness. Repenting simply means feeling sorry for what we have done wrong and then we can be forgiven.

Not according to Christian philosophy! Think about the prodigal son.

In the Holy Communion service every week we repent of our sins and then the priest offers us Gods forgiveness.

The Good Shepherd went after the sheep that had left the fold. The sheep didn't have to saybaa, please.

Maggiejane how much can you not bring religion into a thread centred round a Christening?

In the parable of the Prodigal Son the younger son comes back and says to his dad I have sinned against you and heaven and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. This is repentance or a ' turning round'. Of course a separate discussion is whether he was really repentant or fed up with his lot!

Shall we not do a complete Alpha course on here?

Millymolly . Would it be possible for you and your partner to go to the actual baptism service and then for your partner to miss the Social gathering afterwards in an attempt to be sensitive to your ex husband? That way your partner is supporting the important bit of the day and supporting the grandchild but also you would both be being gracious towards your ex husband. Whatever you decide I hope it goes well and do enjoy your new GC.

Millymolly do let us know what you decided and how it all goes. all the best.

Congrats, millymolly, in the birth of your first GC! Sorry that your ex's behavior is overshadowing what should be a very joyous time in your life. But, hopefully, given DIL's attitude, you can put that aside and just enjoy your new GD and her Christening.

I'm with those who say that since DS and DIL invited both you and your new partner, that's all you need to know. If OH decides to step back in favor of your ex, that would be very magnanimous of him where your ex is concerned. But DS and DIL may not be happy with that decision.

I really think the ball is in your ex' court here. Either it means more to him to be at GD's Christening or to avoid your OH. His choice and totally on him. If you/OH make it easy for him, that just postpones the decision till later events. If I were OH, I would attend, especially if I already accepted the invitation. Ex knew when you got divorced that there might be occasions, eventually, where you would be present with a new man. Did he just assume he would have a say in the guest list?!

As for any messages from your ex, I would screen all calls, maybe block his number and so forth. If he can't contact you, he can't pressure you.

Best wishes to you and yours - especially that baby-doll!

Coming to this late - sorry. I haven't read all the comments either.

I had a very similar experience; first grandchild's first birthday. My ex husband didn't go although invited. He wasn't missed; just exposed as the coward and bully that he is.

Hope you have a lovely day.

xxx

Sorry just checking back after a few days, my Ex is a narcissist, he will never change. What he wants is for me to give in which I did continuously during our marriage. It's all about him wanting me to chose his attendance over my OH, I'm not prepared to do this else it will continue for years to come in regards to all celebrations. The decision is ultimately with him. I'm fed up of putting up with his periodic nonsense and trying to use our children in an effort to get a reaction from me.

I'd attempted to divorce him prior to the actual divorce due to his controlling and romanising behaviour, I was worn down with false promises and made to feel everything was in my head. No more an I allowing him to control my life.

I'm done, if he refuses to attend then it's his choice

Just to let everyone know, my Ex and his family did not attend the christening. It was a lovely small affair and everyone thoroughly enjoyed.

My Ex prior to the christening has removed all photos and reference to our granddaughter from his FB and our sons.

I was also subjected to abuse the night before from his aunt whom he's not been in contact (15 years) with until recently

One day i will have peace from this man