Muscling in?

You've obviously got her measure and she knows that !

How you handle it depends on how forthright you can be . Im a mellow sort of person and would let a certain amount wash over me , but be rude to me and I'll put you in your place no doubt about it. Is that your style?

If I was you I would be loathe to miss things you've been doing for 20 years . Can you distract her when she starts pontificating? Can you check subtly with friends how they feel ? Maybe a joint effort would work.

Could you take the unofficial role of Chairman at your meetings and when she goes off at a tangent rein her back in by saying' Yes, very interesting but times limited lets try and keep to the book shall we' ?

Its a very tough situation and I really feel for you Alea. If you wait till she moves that could be forever , don't lose out on things you enjoy .

Well I can understand why it bothers you Alea, it would certainly irritate me but I wouldn't allow her annoying behaviour to prevent you from doing the things you enjoy with the people whose company you like.

Hopefully she will move, and if she does just imagine how frustrated you'd feel if you lost contact with your friends and had stopped going to your clubs. You never know, if she is picking up on the fact you're unimpressed by her boasts, she might be the one who withdraws.

Hope it works out OK.

Thanks N&G! I did "put her in her place" by email when she sent me a very terse not to say brusque message and she apologised "nicely". However I am probably cutting off my nose to spite my face by the way I am feeling now. It just gets me to see dear friends apparently taking all her hot air at face value or perhaps being too polite to speak up. Our book group is very informal, at least it always used to be until another member became rather too " organising" for my taste! Again one of the friends who left confided that she found this person too full on. I too like to live and let live and it was always fine up to now. Perhaps my bull***t threshold has dropped
I suppose I have to grit my teeth, it may be that she is subtly manoeuvring me into a position where I simply back out and leave her to be the Queen Bee she aspires to be.

Could you start a book group of your own for the others who have already dropped out?

Not going to work I am afraid, Jane10, both of them were founder members and one now works in London, the other now goes to a group in her local pub where they just grade each book then get on with the beers!!
But why should I give in in this way, when I was a member long before this woman appeared? It is just a sad coincidence that we have lost 3 other friends and members to cancer over the last 5 years and the "new" people seem easily impressed. Oh that sounds dreadful, but she would not have got away with all her showing off and trying to impress if they had still been there!

Alea I don't think many people like smug show-offs who monopolise conversations. I expect some of your friends are fed up with her too but are trying not to let it get to them. I would feel like you do and would try to avoid her company because being around someone who is so irritating would stress me out.

Hopefully she's serious about moving and that will solve the problem.

some people are a pain in the butt and best avoided Alea
Not a lot you can do really, except wait for her to move.

x posts Eloethan

I think it's one of those times it is best to sit back back and 'under your breath' say stupid c-w.

Why? Because if and when she leaves the village you don't want to stand the risk of loosing the good aquaintances and friendships you have developed. Boy can than happen quickly yet take years to get back to where you were.

Ask her at every opportunity when she is leaving. She is probably a bit of a Walter Mitty Alea.

I've just come on to say what POGS said, "*Alea*. I've always though that POGS was a very wise woman.

Is her house actually up for sale? Do you know anyone who would like to buy it?

Hee hee
St***d c*w indeed!!
Yes the house is on the market but isn't moving. It is very small, (if beautifully formed) and I suspect overpriced. Yep, zip it up and keep cool. Thank you!!!!

Reminds me of someone I introduced to out mother and baby club who had babies that slept through the night from birth and never watched childrens programmes; only Open University ones. Even after all these years I regret it. She didn't even live in our village.

Reminds me of someone I worked with; she was always ready to sue anyone who upset her too (previous employer, the NHS, the Council).
She's the reason I never learnt a certain craft I wanted to take up (she was in the class), and my heart sank when I heard she was joining another group I belong to; she didn't join in the end thank goodness.

I think you just have to 'go with the flow' as the younger ones tell me and hope she moves sooner rather than later.

I have done this in a social situation to my regret. I
think I have posted about this before. It did actually spoil our social circle with us being the main losers. We didn't have enough influential friends and as Alea said the others in the circle seemed to be very easily swayed by her.

I suspected it isn't a new phenomenon. You always get people anxious to assert themselves and "impress". This one sounded very willing and the first year she lived here was keen to host our Thursday Group committee (8 of us) annual dinner, assuring us she loved cooking and entertaining. Of course we all offered to either chip in or bring part of it, but no, no. Then a few days before the dinner a rather sheepish mutual friend admitted that the "hostess" was finding it more expensive than she had anticipated so could we each contribute £12 (could have gone out for that, to the pub anyway) so we did, plus the flowers, wine, chocs , cheese etc that each person brought. She had massively over catered and must have leftovers for about a week. Some people not just me felt a bit aggrieved at this! Of course it was expensive, you don't normally spend just shy of £100 on supper for a group of friends do you? That attempt to impress fell on stony ground as our Thursday Group are for the most part blunt straight stalking women with hearts of gold, but don't take too kindly to "posers"!

Oops we are not "straight stalking women" (unless George Clooney is around) but straight talking

She is trying to impress, it sounds as if she feels a bit inferior!

A friend invited me to join a club; in the meantime, whilst I was thinking about it, a new acquaintance (fairly new to the area too!) mentioned that she belonged to that club. When I said I was thinking of joining she said 'Oh no, you can't, we have enough women already, we need more men!'

Empathy from me as well Alea, it's so reminiscent of school all this competitive stuff isn't it.

Tegan - your comments about the woman you introduced to your mother and baby club whose babies slept through the night, only watched Open Uni programmes on the telly etc really made me laugh. thanks for that and I hope it cheered Alea as well.

It was a relief to read that her house is up for sale, fingers crossed it does sell before too long. Meanwhile, don't let your irritation stop you doing stuff you enjoy. 20 years in your book club is too long to be squeezed out by Ms Smarty Pants.

This situation is so common. Don't let it ruin your life and friendships. Let's hope she moves away soon. Don't demean yourself by trying to get back at her. Organize something with your friends that you are interested in. Maybe a visit somewhere with a spot of lunch. And keep her off the agenda. Life's too short to hold grudges and she seems to have a thick skin. Good luck

I have every sympathy but your predicament seems pretty par for the course. When I was working and had been at my school for a decade another attractive, extravert 'nice' woman joined my department and absolutely took over. Apart from being able to talk for England and never allowing anyone else to get a word in edgeways, she convinced her colleagues she was a kind, generous and caring soul. Far from the truth- but being the only person who noticed that her words and her deeds were at complete odds I had to watch her suborn everyone. The inevitable happened and she (deliberately) pushed me out. I had to grin and bear it.

At my book group, which I have attended for 20 odd years, there are a couple of queen bees, or rather a queen and her trusty lieutenant, who dominate every conversation. Hilariously, at our last meeting, one of the bees couldn't be there so the other phoned her, put her on 'speaker' and she was able to perform her usual task of silencing conversation with the others from a distance of a hundred miles.

I think you are going to have to sit it out until this woman leaves the area.

Deprive her of the attention she craves by not reacting (don't answer emails phone calls etc) If she starts boasting smile nicely change the subject and move on. She will hopefully settle down after a while. Sounds like she has some problems.

Work round her and don't let her dominate your life.

Teacher11 your experience with your "colleague" rings many bells with me too!! Why are other people so blind/forgiving/tolerant/gullible?(delete whichever term does not apply)

Personally would tell everyone I could think of what a lovely house she has and that it's up for sale!
I'd say how lovely the area is and say how nice it it is to live there. Who knows, maybe speeding this sale up is in your hands!!

Reminds me of a posting of mine from a couple of years ago about a rude overbearing friend who stayed with me when I was ill and really upset me.
She came for a coffee last summer, I had made it clear she was not staying here.
After about 5 minutes she started to critisise, be rude etc. I told her she was, a rude, patronising, arrogant, aggressive bully. S.O. had been round for lunch and I had 1 1/2 glasses of wine.
I have felt better ever since, she has never mentioned it but is very polite to me now.