Muscling in?

Oh dear, there are certain people in life that sure get on your wick, hopefully I'm not one of them. A year of two ago we had a younger lady join our country dance group. Most of the group are early retired people both men & women. As I was a committee member I made a point of making her feel welcome. Almost as soon as we spoke she told me her life history, divorced, looking for company, depressed etc., etc. She joined in the dancing and was picking it up pretty well. She came to a few of the social nights and I took a step back and made sure she didn't latch on to me for the entire evening. She seemed quite sociable and all seemed well. She said had we got a Facebook page, which we hadn't. I had and it wasn't long before she had sent me personally a friend request. I granted it because I was curious to see what kind of person she really was. In the meantime, a week or two later, she brought a pair of pull on M&S trousers to class to sell!! Bit strange, but she said they didn't fit her mother and that as there were a lot of "old people" in the group (55ish), someone might buy them. Well to say she was popular with that comment was an understatement. By now some of the other ladies were commenting to me that she was "a bit weird". I decided I would "unfriend" her of Facebook so that she could no longer see my posts. After a few weeks she suddenly asked if I had unfriended her and expecting to be asked I just said yes I have too many people on it and had restricted it to family and close friends. She seemed to accept it. Later in the season she booked to come to our annual fish & chip/beetle drive social which is very well attended. She only lived locally so paid £10 for her ticket. She didn't turn up and she didn't let us know she wasn't coming. The policy is if people don't show and are genuinely ill they may get a refund. She came to class two weeks later having not been in contact with anyone and said she hadn't been well and demanded a refund. When she got no where she approached me and said couldn't I get her a refund. I by this time was heartily sick of her and said in no uncertain terms, no as she hadn't had the curtesy to get in touch with anyone and we had still had to buy the fish & chips. She then went moaning to others and in the end admitted to another member (who unknown to her just happened to be on the committee also) that she had in fact forgotten about it!!! After that she didn't come back and I think if she had she would not have been allowed to re-join as she offended so many members. This was an extremely unusual case as we have a very good reputation for being a very friendly club. Hey Ho that's life!!

Sorry its a long post but think I still need to rant when I think about it.

Alea, before you leave for good and while this annoying woman is holding court, would it be rude of you to quietly ask the people either side of you about their progress with the book you're there to discuss? It might cause a ripple that slowly begins to engage the majority of the group and get them back on track.

It is not only women who spoil things. Our male gardener whom I have recommended to friends, I have also supplied him with coffee and biscuits in the winter, cold drinks and cake in the summer for many years. He made a remark to a friend of mine about my awful choice of fencing, she told me what he said, no more drinks and biscuits for him and now leave his money outside. I realise It is petty revenge but I feel much better. Yes I accept I am a wimp, as I cannot tell him he has upset me.

Napoleon I'm not sure it was very nice of your friend to repeat what the gardener said either.

I am sorry, Napoleon but what has that got to do with anything?

Interesting story, napoleon. It made me think of my mum. If she were to discover her gardener had said something like that I think she'd just have said: "He doesn't have to like it; it's MY fence". She once told him to leave some scarlet pimpernel plants growing at the edge of the lawn. He said: "But they're weeds!" She replied: "They are NICE WEEDS! Leave them."

I don't belong to many groups as I don't like to leave DH on his own too much. He gets introspective and grumpy . One group changes the dynamic frequently. It's a sewing group and we seem to cover all age groups although two women try to dominate it at times. One is widowed ,one never married and just keeps raising her voice but as we are all so polite she gets away with it and we know she is lonely. Another group I'm in has a selection of people from all shades of life. There is one who is a heart sink who never pulls her weight and only does what she wants which sometimes seems to be sitting in the coffee room talking. We have one half hour coffee break each session and she always manages to have an hour or say she needs to get away early if she has a duty she doesn't like. We all have a rota of duties and some get very irate at her actions but not too her. I think laughing at the errant one is the best result for myself. Don't know if that helps Alea. I've never wanted to be a queen Bee and always glad if someone else does.

Napoleon, your friend was not correct in repeating what the gardener said. You had a good relationship with him before this.