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Relationship dilemma

(52 Posts)
grannyactivist Tue 08-Mar-16 00:01:29

Recently someone made an allegation about me that was completely untrue, but was very hurtful and had the potential to be extremely damaging. In fact no damage ensued simply because (thankfully) no-one believed the lie she told and there was plenty of evidence to contradict the lie. The people she had lied to were appalled by her behaviour so she then let it be known that she was having tests for cancer and actually told people that her doctor had told her it was a 99% certainty that she had it. Call me gullible, but I did initially believe her and it now turns out that that too was a lie, obviously told in order to limit the damage from being caught out lying and to elicit sympathy instead. At this time I was caring for my very sick mother and on tenterhooks as my beloved father-in-law was genuinely having tests for cancer and I was awaiting his results. (In his case the cancer diagnosis has been confirmed and I am devastated. sad)

Understandably I think, I no longer have any respect for, or trust in this person, but I will continue to come across her from time to time. It's not in my nature to bear grudges and I don't/won't, but nor will I pretend that nothing has happened. Others have told her that I deserve an apology and she has apparently responded by saying that that is between herself and me to sort out (I agree and have urged others not to get further involved), but no apology has been forthcoming and I certainly won't be 'demanding' one as I have been urged to do. If it isn't heartfelt then it isn't really an apology in my book.

So, how do I behave when next we meet? I don't feel comfortable at the thought of snubbing her because if she is planning to apologise to me then that would make it very difficult for her, but I don't feel I can talk to her as if nothing has happened (I think that's what she will try to do). Shall I greet her, but very coolly? Be up front and say something along the lines of how much her lie hurt and upset me? Spell out the potential consequences to me if her lie had been believed?

How would/did you tackle a similar situation?

Wendysue Sat 12-Mar-16 01:14:49

So sorry granny about all you're going through! (((Hugs)))

As for the liar - and I call her that cuz you say she has been known to lie before - it doesn't sound to me as if you can expect an apology, let alone a true change. She is how she is. So I would avoid her and just be cool to her if you meet.

I know it might not be easy. But now you know anything you say or write to her could be twisted, lied about and used against you. In many cases, more communication is needed, but, in this one, I think LESS communication is key.