Was I 'over the top'

Yes

Let it go, this has often happened to me both with DD and DS, They don't seem to feel the same need for communication with their busy lives!! It's not an insult, different strokes is all. I got very short shrift once, just let it be now xx

He is your son and it goes with the territory that they see no problem with not keeping in touch as often as we think they should. No news is good news with sons !

The opposite with our son, even though he is busy he rings and sends messages several times a week....... The daughters though, are another matter.

afraid so... I hesitate to ring my DS for the exact same reason and I don't want to put his partner in the embarrassing position of either explaining or fibbing so I tend now not to ring unless I have a specific reason. My son just doesn't 'get it' his lovely partner always says just ring its no problem but she knows exactly what I mean.
Thing that really 'gets my goat' is he's straight on the phone if he 'needs' me to do something for him.. I still love him to bits I just put it down to him being a 'man'.

There are days when I wish I didn't have to think about my family. I nearly said didn't have a family. I wish I could be really selfish.

Thank you everyone. It's good to get an outside perspective.

I think I'm happy to hear that it was me that was over the top, though at the time it didn't seem so to me. I must have been in Mum supermodel !!

It's also great to hear from other parents in this regard.....helps me realise that were actually just normal.

I agree with tiggypiro, rarely does DS reply to texts etc but he does FaceTime regularly so I can't complain. I know he would get back to me if it was urgent.

Coolgran probably best to back off. All the things we do for our DC are a given really and they probably won't remember them until writing our eulogy - even if then!
I don't think I would be ringing him again in a hurry and would probably just ring DIL for a chat. Cultivate a good relationship with her and you will hear all the news you want to know. He will come round eventually so just stay "cool"!

Just to clarify, ds said his bit, and then we were ok. He doesn't need to 'come round' as such. But yes, I've stayed cool.....
And won't be phoning

Yes!.

My DM had the habit of ringing me just as I was getting in from work (landline) and desperately in need of a cuppa stiff gin.

I find the landline intrusive, especially as there's better (imho) ways to communicate (not saying you're intruding, btw).

Good idea to avoid phoning for a while, Coolgran! I tend to assume that if I call someone and they don't get back to me right away or if I'm told they'll get back to me at such & such a time and they don't, that all things being equal, they're probably just busy/tired and will get back to me when they can. If I thought there was a problem between us, then I might wonder, but otherwise no.

The fact that DIL said DS would be back in "a half hour" didn't mean, of course, that he would be there on the dot or that he would call as soon afterward as you think he should have.

Also, if I just want to "chat" with someone and I don't get a response to a phone call, I sometimes try email or FB. That might be an idea for you in the future.

But, for now, I would back off totally. I know things ended well, but if you try to contact him further, any time soon, it will look as if you're pushing it.

This is me:
Hope this pic works.

Hmmmm.... pic is meant to be funny, and not cheeky

Wendysue I think your responses are always common sense.

We do keep contact by email.
It was about 2 months since I'd last phoned, albeit we did a Facetime a month ago.

Ds said it's not that I'm always ringing, me ringing is not a problem. It's just that when I do I'm inclined to bang on until I get a reply...... guilty as charged. I have been told that if there's no reply I should leave it (except for emergency), he will know I've phoned....

One thing's for sure..... There'll be a blue moon in hell before I ever ever ever ring more than once..... and that won't be in the near future.

All's good, glad of all your opinions.

I only have sons and I tend to do a lot of the keeping in touch The youngest( of 5!) will ring for a chat but for the others 90% of the time it is me who initiates contact unless of course they want something!!

I've just had an email from ds to say he is free later if I fancy giving a call.......

That is good Coolgran - enjoy!

Coolgran that's a rotten way to treat you. I wouldn't stand for it. You were not over the top.

jings my feeling is that he has realised that too and this may be his way of peace making. What a minefield relationships can be!

I would be very hurt if one of my `boys` did this and I don`t think you are over the top at all . He has thought about what a rotter he was and is feeling guilty hence the message . I would not ring again for a LONG time and let him ring you . Keep your chin up ! xxx

Contacting my adult children has become an art from. If I contact them too much, I'm needy, if I maintain a distance "I'm cold" dil's description.

You can't really win nowadays.

I remember talking to my mil on the phone for so long that I burnt the jam I was making, I knew she was lonely and didn't want to cut her off.

I used to spend hours on the phone to my widowed mum. I knew she needed to chat.

I've learnt how and when to contact my sons now, and I know they would come in an emergency.

I don't think you were over the top, it's what you'd do if you were trying to contact a friend isn't it? Why do we tip toe around our adult children? I'm sure you only caught him at a busy or stressful moment - he probably didn't like being reminded he hadn't got back to you - but don't let it make you wary of getting in touch with your son. Ignore his comment and take no notice.

I havent seen my youngest daughter for nearly two years my other 2 saw just before Christmas talk to my elder daughter twice a week youngest maybe once a fortnight sometimes go 4 weeks before talking to my son I have got to the stage I only phone 2 of them when they phone me they used to phone every week and come and see us very often and we would visit them think its todo with me remarrying 4 years after their father died but they have their lives and I have mine so dont shed tears now to old to worry im living a very good life so whats the point