DD's wobbles....advice welcome

Hi Ladies,
Thank you so,much for all the supportive comments. My daughter has gone out tonight to meet friends, so lovely to see her smile again. I do know not to keep asking if she is ok, but it is so hard when you spend so much of each day worrying about her and the children. My 7 year old grandson said to my daughter last night, " I have a feeling something really bad is about to happen" !!!! Who says children can't pick up the vibes. My daughter doesn't want to tell them until SIL has a place of his own, hope it doesn't leak and they find out by another route. But they have to do this their own way, we can only be there and, of course worry.
Thank you ??

So sorry to hear of your worries Rowantree. It seems we take on all the worry for our families. The only thing I can offer is the fact that I was headstrong when my children were young and left my husband because I was unhappy and thought I deserved better. What I found was that you just exchange one set of problems for another six and no man, however well meaning, will feel the same about your children as their father does. If I could see my time again I would have kept the family together under any circumstances (except abuse) as it affected the children in so many ways even though they seem to have grown up happy and well adjusted. I kept stressing this when my younger daughter's marriage was in trouble- there's nothing better on the other side and maybe worse. If we can make them understand this they may think twice and work things through. Best of luck - you seem to be doing a great job just being there.

How sad to read of all these problems. I'm sure these sons and daughter appreciate you all being there for them.

Rowantree I won't offer you any advice as you seem to know what to do (or rather what not to do or say!) except try not to worry. I know, that's easier said than done.

My heart goes out to all of you here who are in this type of situation. One of my own DDs has a mild disability - usually not a problem, but when there's a serious flare up, of course, I worry. But as you ladies have said, expressing my worry doesn't help and can actually hurt/upset her all the more.

I've learned to behave like that "wise woman" (thanks for that quote!), but it can be hard, sometimes, I know. And Rowantree, with your DD, you seem to have multiple concerns. (((Hugs)))

Don't have any advice that hasn't already been given, however. Please just continue to be there for her when she needs it, as you are doing, and no doubt, she and her partner will do what's best for them and their child.

BTW, please don't blame their problems on AP (attachment parenting). It's increasingly common, today, I understand, and I'm sure they know other couples who practice it. Her partner may believe in it, himself. It could be hurting their relationship, I suppose, but that might not be it, at all. Again, they have to figure it out.

Wendysue you're right, maybe I'm attaching too much blame to attachment parenting and we don't know anything about their relationship beyond what they are like around us. I do feel uneasy that they get little couple-time, day or night, but as you say, all I can do is to be available and there for her when she needs it. We've had ups and downs too, some of them biggies, but weathered them - thus far anyway! Most people have them, so I need to remember that and give them space to work things through themselves.

Seems to be DH who is worrying more than I am at the moment, unusually. He keeps asking me if I've heard any more from her, so part of my role is trying to reassure him that they have to weather their own storms and that both have the ability to do so.

Again, grateful thanks to all and mutual hugs to anyone experiencing any similar worries!

I know all about the worry attached to a DD in trouble. I've posted about DD3 problems before. Basically her husband left her when she was 6 months pregnant with a toddler and no source of income. He changed his phone number and refused to speak to her, even walking past her in the street without acknowledging her just before the baby was born. Long story short, after him coming and going several times, the relationship has ended. But her distress was terrible. And I became too involved, ending up an emotional wreck myself which helped nobody.

What I have learnt from all this is to keep your counsel and be there when your DD needs to talk. But do try to keep a slight emotional distance. Other posters are right. Only they can sort the situation out. But it is so hard to see adult children suffering and be powerless to make it all better for them.