Gransnet forums

Relationships

Page 3 of 3 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

pressures of society on daughter

(55 Posts)
Add comment | Report
nelly Fri 29-Apr-16 16:12:08

I've just had a conversation with my (almost) thirty year old daughter and when she mentioned the fact that she's still single my reply was something like 'oh i would so like to see you settled down like your brother and sister!'.

Now I meant it in the best possible way of course - I just want her to be happy. But I did sort of get a strip torn off me about how modern women shouldn't be defined by whether they are married or not, or have boyfrinds or not etc. etc. she calmed down after I assured her that wasn't what i meant. but i do think the pressures on young women these days must be horrendous. they have career ladders to climb while contending with all the societal pressures of marriage that we (or at least I!) felt in younger years. Though people on the whole seem to be more aware of sexism, the pressures on women seem to have doubled. I'm now worried I'll put my foot in it every time we mention the subject to her, but equally don't know how to make her feel better. The only thing I could say to her was 'you never know what's around the corner'. Any suggestions?

Add comment | Report
Newquay Sat 07-May-16 17:27:30

Yes you do have to be careful what and how you say things don't you? I put my foot in it big time with DD2 a while ago. She married in early 30s, has chronic ill health (but you wouldn't know unless told-she's v brave and matter of fact and just gets on with it). We thought she could never have children as the drugs she has to take would be v toxic. Well, blow me, she must have been off these drugs for a while and one day, on FaceTime introduced us to their baby. I gasped with delight and said, so you must be at least 12 weeks? Her DH (in background, a consultant doc) said well we wanted to make sure it didn't have two heads before we said anything! Lol!
So we had a delightful DGD; to get to the point of my post I said one day about having another baby-pity for her to be an only one! Well, it was like a bomb went off! So I didn't think one baby is a proper family etc etc.
Took a big apology and flowers and a forgive me card to restore peace. They've now moved house and and SO tempted to say "new house, new baby" !

Add comment | Report
FarNorth Sat 07-May-16 22:25:33

SO tempted to say "Mind your own business."

Add comment | Report
jinglbellsfrocks Sat 07-May-16 22:32:22

...but you'd better not cos you'd only get deleted.

Add comment | Report
Witzend Wed 29-Jun-16 08:41:37

What is hardest, I think, is when mothers express plaintive thoughts to unmarried daughters about never having any grandchildren - when the daughter in question WOULD like to find the right man and have children - only it just hasn't happened.

This happened to a close friend of a dd - her mother would be on about it now and then and she found it very upsetting - as if she deliberately wasn't finding the right man just to be awkward. The girl in question had a very good career and wasn't expecting any man to support her. But she did certainly hope to marry and have children eventually, and I was so happy for her when it did finally happen and her baby arrived safely.
I used to wonder how the mother could have been so insensitive as to upset her daughter like this.
A dd of mine with a very busy career was somewhat late in finding the right man and starting a family, but I knew she wanted to eventually and never said a word - what would have been the point? 'Right men' do not grow on trees and you can't order them online...

Page 3 of 3 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |