Where is he?

My OH does not always take his mobile with him and if he does he rarely switches it on. He usually turns up eventually.
To be a little but fair he does play a lot of music and it's not done to have your mobile on in rehearsals.

Venn diagram here, with the help of notes and phones, as PPs have said.

IMO, each couple is different and has to do what works for them.

My husband and I both have mobile phones and we usually (although not always) can contact the other if we're wondering where they are - I don't very often call him though and he very (very!!!) rarely calls me. I have occasionally asked him if he wondered where I was when I've been out and the answer is always no, If he'd wanted to know where I was he'd have called me! Fortunately when we get together we do like to chat about where we've been and what we've been up to. He just called me now to explain he's cycling home from work so will be at least another hour and a half and asked what I've been up to. I told him (virtuously) that I've cleaned out the allotment shed today and in response I got a text a few minutes later saying, 'I love you'. Awww.

flower I think GA meant "all the time". As I said, I mostly know where my husband is, but he doesn't check in all the time.

The flipside is (and of course discounting people who aren't able to be left alone) having to listen to my Sister-IL constantly being hysterical and making endless phone calls because her husband has gone AWOL for a couple of hours, her reason being that he is 84 (he is nearly 20 years older than her). Drives me crazy, I want to brain her. She is forever demanding that he tell her what he's up to when he leaves the house.

DH not ready to retire yet, at 72, and won't give up our 'tied' house, so I travel off to our retirement home from May to October. It's 400 miles away. He visits me about 4 times in that period, and I visit him at home once. I enjoy being with my different grandchildren who live near our holiday house and I like being independent for at least part of the year.....

Only since he has a cardiac arrest 4 years ago. It's nice to be in contact. It's only polite to say where one is going surely.

I know where my ex husband is - with his second wife!

But when I was married to him and with my ex boyfriend, I did know where they were, the ex boyfriend was with me most of the time anyway, enjoying every second together until he cheated on me the second time, then it was over.

DH and I know exactly where the other one is, he lets me know even if he is just going out to clean the car. We lived apart for 16 years and only met up at weekends so we are now enjoying each other's company.

Ann and anya - as I'm ten years older than my husband and already have mild cognitive impairment I fear the shoe may well end up on the other foot and I will be the needy one eventually.

I've just completed a course on dementia and also through my work as a chaplain I see how difficult life can be for carers, however patient and compassionate you are.

Thanks for the flowers Ann and yes, I'm doing a lot of teeth gritting already.

Some for you too and a

Gagagran sadly we don't have a choice about being glued to each other's side 24/7 it is thrust upon us and we would give anything for it not to be so.

I do see the difficulty there ga! But if it suits the pair of you to operate as you do, then that is fine and that would certainly be preferable to me rather than being glued to each other's side 24/7.

Some people are free-er spirits than others!

And therein often lies the difficulty Gagagran, saying when and where and how long we might be rests upon us actually being together before one of us scoots off.

I know what he's doing at the moment and I know roughly where: he's giving a talk, in Norwegian, about a cycle trip he did in Norway a few years ago.

We usually have a look at the calendar at the beginning of the week so we know what we have planned either jointly or separately. We have mobile phones and always have them switched on when we are out - not that himself hears it ring if he is out with his bike club. We both feel free to come and go but think it is a courtesy to say when and where and how long we might be.

DH and I leave each other notes about where as in which town or whatever, we are going and rough time of getting back.
And we can always use the mobile phone.

My mum finds this very odd. Thinks he should know where I am precisely, at all times.

We're another 'joined at the hip' couple. He works from home and I don't work at all and haven't got much of a social life here so it's rare that we are ever apart. I'm wondering how this will work when he is retired - hopefully we'll both develop friends and actives independent of each other but what if we don't? At the moment we manage quite well so I expect we'll jog along into the sunset.

My DH was always absolutely fine with my doing whatever I wanted and going wherever, but he never went anywhere unless we went out together. He never worried if I went away for a couple of days to see the grandchildren or whatever, then he got ill (heart failure) and gradually became more and more anxious if he didn't know exactly where I was. At the end he would telephone me if I went to have a bath to see how long I was going to be! It was very exhausting but not his fault. I used to feel guilty whenever I got irritated and tried to bite my lip. Unfortunately we are not all good at being carers but it is 'in sickness and in health'. Health is definitely better.

Granny activist, I think it sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your husband. As long as you are there for each other when needed, it is nice to have a bit of independence.

Anya it is wearing more than anything else and you learn to grit your teeth a lot!!

morethan2 that's one of several reasons D and SiL are no longer together.
H and I usually know where the other is. If he goes out before I'm up he will leave a note. It won't however, say how long he will be. If I feel the need to call, I might as well forget it as he never hears it.

I ring my husband once a day when he's at work. He can finish any time between 5-10 The conversation goes ' what time you coming home for dinner?' him 'what ever time that'd be'. Me ' OK drive carefully' on his days off we do things together but not all the time. Today he's off to a motorbike meet up with his likeminded mates. So I do know what he is doing. For the first twenty years of our marriage he would simply get up and go off with out a bye or leave. It drove me mad. I'd cry or scream to no avail until one Saturday I simply got up and went out for 8 hours he's never ever done it since. It doesn't worry me that he wants to do somthing without me. What I objected to was sodding off without even a "goodbye I'm off to were ever, see ya later.". What we do now on the days we're off work together is say ' what have you got planned' ...thankfully or I'd have divorced him.

My DH is in the very early stages of vascular dementia. You wouldn't know if you met him that there's anything wrong. But now and again it shows inasmuch as he forgets where I've said I've gone so I get phone calls which always start 'Where are you?' and I invariably answer 'at the shops (or wherever) I DID tell you this'

Your post frightened me Ann as I know the day will come when I'm in your position.

Grannyknot - I like the Venn diagram illustration, that pretty much describes how we are. We do have a lot of friends in common and we do occasionally go out together to the cinema or for a meal with family and friends. Like Liz46 we always have lots to discuss and sometimes information can slip through the net if we don't see much of one another for a while, but overall it works well for us. The bit about your husband returning on the bus from hospital made me laugh out loud because I can imagine my husband doing exactly that.

We are both retired and get on well but we like to get away from each other sometimes. I go out with friends and also volunteer in a charity shop. He goes bowling and then, when we meet up again, we have something to talk about.

We have had different groups of friends for years, rarely going out together - even when ending up in the same place lol.
He's never gone to the cinema etc with me. My only problem now is that all the friends I happily got around with have moved away (lucky them) so I rarely get out socially.
Now he's retired he goes off with his mates, fishing/markets/car boots/boys days out etc. Some days I get back from work and have no idea where he is. The only time we are out together is when we go shopping once a week (I don't drive), sometimes I would love to be able to wander on my own... last week I wanted to get some shoes and every time I turned around he was hovering behind me aaagghhh. I gave up in the end.
My Dad always looks a bit straight when he turns up and I say I don't know where OH is. My parents usually went out together, hence he was lost when Mum died.