Where is he?

We're like two circles in a Venn diagram, each doing our own thing with an overlapping shared area in the middle.

I more or less know where he is e.g. Friday went like this: he told me he was off to the golf range to hit a few balls. Came back hours later with a bag of clothes from the pro shop, and lots of plants (passed a garden centre on the way home).

Later that day he went on his own to A&E (sent by his GP) - because he was experiencing an irregular heart beat. They admitted him for observation (he had a heart attack 8 years ago). I took his stuff for the overnight stay and visited and let family members know etcetera and was cleaning the house this morning when he strolled in - he had been discharged and caught a bus home (the hospital is 10 mins away) so he could surprise me

I'm sure above would be strange for many people but like you ga we are best friends and happily married. He's fine BTW, happy to be home

ann and Lucky - that's so tough and I'm sure it can be very wearing.

I just phoned my husband - and woke him up! I still don't know where he's been, but apparently he came in half an hour ago when I was in my room doing some filing and he walked past my door without announcing himself - and took himself off for forty winks.

Sometimes I do get a bit frustrated when I can't get hold of him, he goes out and forgets to take his phone/ has his phone on silent/no battery on his phone. On Saturday he left the house at 3.35am to do a sponsored walk (raising money for an Admiral's Nurse after doing the Tearfund extreme mean-bean challenge all week - he's bonkers) - and I knew he wouldn't be home until dinner time. From 11am I called him three times at hourly intervals before he finally called me to apologise and say he'd had his phone on silent! I sort of knew he'd be okay, but even I like a bit of reassurance now and again. (Especially as he was walking the S.W. Coastal footpath, which does occasionally collapse into the sea below.)

We know exactly where each other is all the time I think.

It hasn't always been like that but as Dh retired last year and me 2 years before , we downsized to one car and so it generally means we are either at home together, going somewhere together or one or the other of us has the car for a purpose.

I have ARGH moments as we have been married 40 years and in all that time I worked away from home for extended periods and Dh worked shifts so we had lots of time apart.

Mostly though, we're best friends, like the same stuff and enjoy each others company so its not too bad.

We do things separately, but always know what the other is doing.
It's not a question of trust, it's just practicality - that if one of us didn't come home when we said we would, the other would have some idea of where to start looking.

Perhaps a hangover from my Lake District youth hostelling days when you were always supposed to tell the warden which mountain you were going up, so that if you didn't turn up in the evening, they could point the Mountain Rescue in the right direction.

Not a big deal.

I know exactly where OH is at any time of the day - he is right here! - he cannot go anywhere else without my help! His driving licence has been taken away because of his PD, and he cannot go for much of a walk - I always go with him to give him confidence.

But he is generous in his willingness to see me go out and about as I wish and have some other life than his. He does like to know where I am going and expresses his anxiety by telling me over and over again to take care.

Prior to this situation, we did mostly know where the other partner was - at least I think I did!

ann I know that this is so hard for you - I fear that eventually that is where we are headed. There are voluntary and other organisations for carer support that can come and sit in with him. But I do understand that even that is hard as he will want to know where you are. Hang on in there. xx

Ann, I thought about you and others in your situation when I was writing my post.

My H and I are really joined at the hip. If I am out of his sight for more than 10 nins he will haved forgotten where I am and will come looking for me. His memory span is no longer than that. It is very wearing and frustrating but it is life now. I feel I am being monitored 24 hours a day..
When life was normal I would have thought your situation very odd indeed.

I do know where my husband is most of the time because I make his appointments! I would worry if he didn't reappear when he said he was intending to and we phone each other if we don't meet up at lunchtime (as is the norm) but we don't make it a rule to meet up!

We have made a conscious decision not to do things together when DH retires in November apart from holidays and odd days out. I love my DH to pieces (as I know you do yours GA) but I couldn't stand being with him all the time.

We have had people volunteer in the library as a couple and it is very difficult to cope with that when rota-ing and we spend ages trying to prise them apart. They usually cope when we do manage it!