What's happening to young mums?

D, H and I are always careful what we say in front of the children. Unfortunately they live with other GP's who are happy to slag off D to their son in front of them.
D doesn't show emotion usually but she was shaking and teary this morning due to the texts he was sending her

It's all about punishment isn't it? Often grandparents pay the price as well.

It isn't just young mothers is it, many fathers also make unreasonable demands, bully, cajole and use the children as pawns in the game of separation. I find it hard not to mention programmes like the Jeremy Kyle show or those awful benefit porn type tv shows. So many people, with a sense of entitlement and a view that the louder you shout, cry and cause offence,somehow, the more justified your position becomes. Nope, it doesn't. I can't think of another way to express this than as "high expressed emotion' - there was some research a few years ago that concluded that living in an atmosphere of high expressed emotion was very damaging to children. Yes, obvious isn't it yet so many adults see it as their right.

Thank you all for your comments and support. As I suspected it does seem to be quite common and I agree that it could be as a result of more partners with children outside marriage (although not exclusively as I know from other family members). Also one of our family has had her children alienated by their father so I know it is not just women.

I also agree that technology does not help the situation. I have always advised my sons not to communicate through text, phone or social media any matters of importance or emotion. I have seen some of what this particular partner has written and it is appalling. Shame does not seem to come into it and in fact she has said she is proud of what she is saying. Even her 8 year old son has told me 'Mummy writes naughty words about Daddy on her phone'.

annsixty - I sympathise as this is exactly what it is like for us. DS is accused of bullying and refused access until she wants something and then he is expected to do it eg take her and the children for a day out/ to the cinema etc as she does not drive - take his holiday at the same time as hers so she can go abroad while he looks after the children. It feels like the whole family is being held ransom by her. My other DS has put charges of assault, criminal damage and libel (by her) on hold because she may ban the children from seeing us because of it. Courts move very slowly!

I am interested to hear 'bi-polar' mentioned. This seems to be a common diagnosis among partners of DS's friends. Surely this cannot be an excuse for treating ex partners and particularly the children in this manipulative way.

Sluttygran you are so right - it is child abuse and there is nothing the courts can or will do if that parent will not comply with an order.

kittylester - she refuses mediation and has said she wants DS to pay (both financially and mentally!)

nanaGill and TriciaF I wish all parents were as selfless as you. It would be so much better for the children.

It's a product of the modern society,where anything goes,yes you can have it all,no don't blame yourself,Some poor kids don't know wether their coming or going.The young man next door to me(very very nice) but he's got three kids,three different women,didn't marry any of them.According to his mother,it's the women's fault.But the kids are a mess emotionally.The girls in my great nephews class,although you would think she was in her twenties.Too much of it.They move in together,have a baby,poor kids.
AND I'm only talking of the few,thankfully the majority are still responsible.
The problem is the young people think this is normal.Well maybe sadly it is.

It is a very one-sided view to say that there is something wrong with young mums. There are plenty of manipulative and irresponsible young dads too.

My own experience of working in the matrimonial department of a solicitors some years ago is that many men behave appallingly to their wives/partners, often leaving them and their children almost destitute.

Just following on from Jinglebells maybe mumsnet should be called parentsnet just like GN is for both sexes? Just a thought.

Goodness only knows how these how the young children of today will grow up to be like. The whole system of parenting before security is upside down, imo.

My own daughter was trying to get pregnant with her boyfriend within 3 months of going out together. I didn't bring her up to be like that. What on earth? He was at university at the time and had to give up his course. Then, when he had got on his feet and started another course, she got herself pregnant again. And I say she did get herself pregnant because she was doing ovulation tests, I suspect without him knowing if he was trying to get qualified and had given one course up. So, yes, they can be manipulating, she proves it, I am ashamed to say.

Maybe Mumsnet should be deleted,some of the people on there are not "Of good character " .

So many heartbreaking stories here! And who pays the highest price? The poor kids!

I agree some dads can be vindictive and controlling, too. And some non-custodial parents (usually but not always dads) claim that the custodial parent is "keeping kids away" from them, but, in truth, don't show up for most visits and so forth. All kinds of games are possible.

Nina, your DD's X can threaten all he wants about trading visits for child support - I doubt the court will allow it. I don't know how it's done in the UK, of course. Where I live in the States, visitation and CS are handled separately. Perhaps it's the same where you are?

Crafty, that idea sounds complicated but good!

Tricia, your ex-neighbors' situation sounds awful! But if "she managed to get him a criminal conviction," maybe there are things you don't know?

Grandma, all the best to you and yours!