Daughter-in-law jealous of granddaughter

Quite so Wendysue and it is a fact that if you have never come across this type of behaviour it is hard to imagine it could happen.
I am so torn between being very thankful that not everybody has come across these issues and so their families and friendship groups are blessed and peaceful and on the other hand shouting to everyone to be very observant and careful not to let these things creep in.
The biggest problem is that we assume everyone has the same motives and thought processes as we do ourselves and sadly that just isn't so.

In a nutshell Wendysue

The biggest problem is that we assume everyone has the same motives and thought processes as we do ourselves and sadly that just isn't so.
Yes, and it is quite a shock if you discover that.

Wendysue DIL didn't say she had too many photos just that it was "like a shrine" which OP took to mean she had too many and from that concluded DIL was jealous of GD (???). SIL of course wouldn't have been expected to say anything. OP says she is "over it" when obviously she isn't so I asked what is this thread about? Basically it is an opportunity to slag off someone who has no means of repudiating the allegations or of putting her side of the story. I'm merely trying to redress the balance. All stories have sub-texts and the sub text here reveals that the OP actively dislikes her DIL and,as I pointed out, when people know they are disliked they sometimes behave as badly as possible, in order to show they really don't want to be liked.

I agree with trisher that everyone is rushing in to condemn a woman we don't know on the basis of what we have been told by someone who clearly doesn't like her.

Why does everyone assume the DIL is pining for children of her own? The OP says her son made it clear before marriage that he didn't want children, but presumably the DIL felt the same way or wouldn't have married him. Surely we don't still believe that deep down all women want children?

I tend to behave badly when I know someone dislikes me. It's not very grown up and I try to resist the temptation, but there is nothing to lose and the look of horror when I say something outrageous is quite rewarding! If that is what the DIL is doing, it's behaviour that I totally understand.

TBF, the OP didn't say that DIL complained about the "number" of GD's photos - that was my interpretation of the "shrine" comment. I've heard of someone accusing another of having a shrine to someone else in their home, but only when the other person had a lot of pics of that someone else and/or a lot of other items related to that someone else. But my apologies, Abigail, if I misinterpreted.

Trisher and madame, I don't know... maybe OP basically dislikes DIL, and DIL senses it, so DIL behaves badly, so OP dislikes her more and so on. Or maybe DIL has been behaving badly, so OP dislikes her, and DIL senses it and so behaves even worse and so forth. Or maybe they both took a dislike to each other from the beginning and... No matter, IMO, they both may need a break from each other for a while. Again,DS' and DIL's decision to skip Christmas with her ILs may be best for all.

Maybe DiL would just like to spend Xmas with her husband and no-one else, but feels she has to give some sort of reason, rather than saying that straight out.

Could be, FarNorth. Bad idea to use the GD as the reason (or rather the OP's interest in her GD) though. Very bad idea. So much better, IMO, to just say, "We're doing Xmas by ourselves this year" and let the chips fall where they may.

Update on quantity of photos and Christmas?