Accused of favouritism in siblings

My parents, both now long gone, favoured my eldest, cleverest brother, my sister and I were the servants for want of a better word, then it was the turn of the youngest brother to be 'top dog' : for instance my father brought him a vehicle or several of them, (many years ago now) when he needed them whereas my sister and I were not allowed to even drive his car in case we dented it. Such is life.
As for grandchildren I have 4 , love them all, but one of them I have a better relationship with, one of my grandsons can be rather rude to me at times which I have to correct him for. He is only 10 years old.

When any of my 3 adult offspring remark (in jest I hope) that "so and so" is favourite, my reply has always been that the favourite one is the one who's ill until he/she gets better and the one who's away until he/she comes home. Even grandchildren now know the mantra.

I have two lovely children and I am proud of them both, I dont have a favourite as such, but I do help my Son more than my Daughter. My Daughter has all the money she could ever want, has two children and a happy Marriage, my Son has a broken marriage, and had lots of downfalls in his life, thankfully he and his ex get on very well, they have two children together. I have always helped them financially, and more so now they arent together, my Son has never had much money and I have always helped and will always do so, for the Grandchildrens sakes, I try to see they have the clothes they need, and even give my Son money so they have food at the end of the month, I sometimes have a guilty conscience about this, but my Daughter doesnt need anything, and I just help my Son and Grandchildren survive. My Son had a very bad nervous breakdown when he was 25 and it has taken until a few years back for him to fully recover, he is 43, and he can now work again, I am really proud of him, the way he has coped and is now on his feet again, he will never have lots of money,but he seems happier, and does everything he can for his boys, who are now 17 and 15, they havent had an easy life either, but I am hoping their future will be better.It is good to get this off my chest, as I dont have a favourite but I need to help out one family more than the other.Thank you for listening.

Diddy, you haven't got a favourite, just helping the child that needs it. Your son and grandsons have got through all the bad stuff because you could help, those boys will go into the grown up world, knowing they were loved and they didn't have to go hungry or do without clothes. I bet your daughter is proud of you too. So well done.
Sometimes you do get on with one child more than another, but never let anyone know it. I have four grandchildren, one of them is just on my wavelength and it has always been easy. I have never let anyone know of course and treat them all the same, because believe me if I did t I would be reminded of it. The sad thing is now they are all grown up and I don't get to see them much.

crownjules, I would write him a letter and give it to him in person.
And consider writing him a letter every year, so that he always has something to keep refering to.

Oh Diddy how lovely to hear-that isn't favouritism. That's doing the right thing supporting the ones that need help-good for you. If more families did this there wouldn't be so many problems.
My in laws had favourites-absolutely toxic even now, if it crops up, DH will say SHE had a bike, the rest of us didn't. And then SHE was left everything in MIL's will! Absolutely dreadful-confirmed what everyone had thought all along and left one sister in penury too.
I have one dear sister. If you asked us we will both say, definitely, that we were our father's favourite. I can't convince her I was his favourite and she can't convince me she was his favourite. We both honestly believe we were his favourite-how's that for good parenting? Unlike my awful in laws.
I do think you should ask your son why he feels this way, crownjules, so you can look him in the eye and reassure him. Do it before it's too late!
We have two daughters, as different as chalk and cheese, both successful but one def more wealthy than the other. It is our pleasure and delight to help out in any way we can while making it clear we love them both the same-and we make sure that's spelled out in our Wills too.

We always discuss any help we are giving either of our children with both of them. DS is married with children. DD is single and settled. We have found that being prepared to be open and accept at times one or other has a problem is the best way to deal with it.

They are now in their 40s and each has experienced times when we have helped one more than the other. DD has made it clear that any money given to help our two grandchildren is quite outside the system and needn't be discussed ever because as the next generation of the family and still children their needs come first with all of us.