Awkward situation

Excellent advice from sun seeker. I was in same position years ago and did exactly that - new hairdo, clothes, make-up etc. Wanted to show the new woman what he'd given up for her, in the nicest way possible of course. Plus you'll be on the front foot then for any other 'events'

This is a shocking situation but agree with AnnieGran . I feel sorry for you, your daughter and his new friend . Your husband sounds a bit of a fool , he'll reveal himself . I can't wait to hear what happens .

Don't go it's far too soon. I can't be in the same room as my ex after 30 years, but everyone is different.
I would also bet that he has been seeing the new woman for more than the 2 months and was perhaps more willing to split up than he would have otherwise been

I'm not giving an opinion as to go /don't go but if you are interested in whether the relationship might have been ' going on ' whilst you were together I'd have thought seeing how they interact with each other would tell if this is a new relationship.

AnnieGran and Florentina, I agree. How incredibly insensitive of your ex primewarp. My view reflects the relationship I have with my daughter so may not be appropriate for you but.... I would do the whole hair, make up, outfit bit and HIRE a man to go with me. There are several companies that do this - the men are professional and can be hired to accompany anyone to just about anything. I heard about this from single business women who needed a "partner" to go to functions. You can specify how you want them to behave (friendly, amorous, business like etc). Also set a firm time that you have to leave the lunch due to another event (this can be fictitious if you choose). It will give you a shorter timeframe for keeping up the pretence so you can cope.
Make sure your daughter knows what you are doing and why. Mine would find it a hilarious bit of harmless revenge. Worth whatever it costs.

I've been there and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but take the advice and get glammed up, get there first and say a few mantras to get you through, yes it will be hard, but get out there and show him what he is missing out on. You can crumble when you go home but honestly you will be the better person, one tip don't drink for Dutch courage, have a well deserved glass when you get home. Good luck, Im Rooting for you ?

I wouldn't go. However amicable the split was, after 35 years of marriage you can only just be getting used to living alone. The time will come when you and your husband will meet each other's new partners, but a regular Sunday lunch a matter of weeks after your separation is not it.

You shared at least 35 years of your life with the man and that's a heck of a history together that doesn't just disappear because you separated. Don't let it be spoiled by something like this.

Ring your daughter and explain it's too soon for you to be taking this step. I would also be tempted to say that perhaps it's not a good idea from now on for you and your husband to both go to your daughter's for something like Sunday lunch. You need to make a cleaner break now that one of you is seeing someone else (even if they are just 'friends'). There might be times in the future when you and your husband will both be invited to birthday celebrations, etc., but in the circumstances both of you continuing to go to your daughter's for Sunday lunch isn't a good idea.

Definitely agree with waiting till you get home for the drink!!! Gosh what a tricky one. Haven't you got a friendly chap you can take. Probably not a sensible suggestion. At the end of the day you know yourself. If you don't think you can 'hack it ' for the duration of the meal, don't go. If you can glam yourself up and keep a smile on your face, go. But, what was he thinking????

PS Bear in mind your husband might simply be being staggeringly naive about bringing a friend along, especially if it really is just a friend. He might have no clue what he's doing or the effect he's having on you and your daughter.

Agree totally with thatbags and tanith. I think he is being rather unreasonable to subject you to this so soon. I am sure he would have something to say if it had been you bringing along a new man-friend!

I'm afraid this is what you can expect from now on in. In my experience family occasions are very different and much more tense once part of the family are separated. People think everything will be fine once they are living apart but, unfortunately, weddings, christenings, funerals, Christmases and even Sunday lunches all become battle fields!

Firstly, well done for making such an effort to be grandparents in common to DD's child. These regular Sunday Lunches keep the communication channels open and allow your DD to process the change in her family structure. I also applaud bringing along friends - as sort of UN peacekeepers to ensure that occasion didn't degenerate into regrettable behaviour event. Much more comfortable for all the adults present.

However bringing a sexual partner along does the opposite of depressurising a potentially fraught meeting. It adds to the difficulty.

I feel that there is the opportunity to agree a rule of "no romantic partners". It just isn't appropriate, and do you want your DGC to meet a succession of GD's lady friends?

When my DD left her partner and moved on with embarrassing haste, we refused to meet her new partner, even though he was living with our DGC, because in our house we have a 3 month rule. New partners are not introduced to parents until the relationship is of 3 months duration. We found this rule to be a real lifesaver.

I don't see why you have to put your DD and DGC through the painful experience of witnessing an encounter with your ex under such demanding circumstances. I would be clear with my DD that the romantic interest should be uninvited. If that's too embarrassing, your DD needs to eat 2 dinners, one with her Dad and one with you. The dinners need'nt be on the same day.

I'd make the rules clear, a family meal with non romantic interest friends along to keep things civilised whilst you are working through this difficult time, or separate gettogethers.

Good luck

I think you have a choice here - you could back out of this embarrassing situation and tell your daughter that it's a bit too soon - she'll understand, and may feel relieved herself. Alternatively, as Milliemouge suggests, put on your very best face, and see if you can find an obliging and delicious gent to be your 'plus one'.

I think your ex and his lady friend are incredibly rude and very insensitive,and they probably deserve each other, but it would be sweet to give them a taste of their own medicine.

Before anyone else says it, yes, I am a vindictive old bat!

I think your last comment re saving a potentially embarrassing lunch for your daughter and her family is valid ~ not forgetting Primewarp's feelings as well.

New to this ~ made a mistake. My post was a comment on Shandi6570's remarks. Oops!!

Has Primewarp been back?

I would imagine that finding out about 'the other woman' after such a short interval has had the same emotional effect on you as if you had found out before the split, even if she did come on the scene only recently. Your husband has been extremely insensitive and I can only think that the new woman shares the trait. In which case I think this is a perfect opportunity to show your mettle. At the end of the day it is she who will literally be 'the stranger at the feast' whereas you will be surrounded by your loving family. Take a deep breath and go for it.

I agree - it's not that you shouldn't go, and if you do then yes, get your best face in, but I honestly don't think you should be out in his position: it's very insensitive. You're probably feeling vindicated in making the decision to part just in the basis of this kind of selfish and inconsiderate behaviour. It's way too staged and smacks of him trying too hard to prove something (to himself??). I'd have a chat with him or with your daughter and just ask if it can wait for a bit.

"On" not "in"

"Put in this position" -bloody predictive text again!

I hope Primewarp is OK.

Awkward, yes, but can you imagine how much more awkward the new lady will be feeling?
I wouldn't want to be in her position for all the tea in China.

You where together along time and it would be to soon for me, if your instinct is that you are not ready then you are not. You should be kind to yourself and put your feelings first. You have nothing to prove to anyone and no matter how good you feel about the way you look it will not make a difference unless you want to make him jealous, which from your post don't think you do.
My Ex and I where together for 21yrs and it took me a while to find my identity and until then, I was not confident enough to put myself through spending time with him. I think you should be honest with your daughter as your family can be a support. As for your Ex he sounds incredibly insensitive, it must also be difficult to for your Daughter as no matter how old we are parental separation is difficult to cope with.
Good luck for the future and take time to learn who you are again, and remember you come first and don't have to prove anything to anyone.

Personally I think it's too soon for all of you. I would contact him and say this to him and ask him not to bring her, there will be plenty of other occasions .
If he insists on on bringing this woman I would go to support your daughter .
Are you sure he hasn't been seeing this lady for a while ?

I suggest you make sure you get there first and are firmly entrenched when they arrive. Maybe take something to relax your mood (I take rescue remedy when I go to the dentist!) .

It does seem odd to take someone to a family event so soon, but most men seem to need a women around and there are plenty to choose from, whereas most women are quite content with their own company. How it goes will depend on the character of the woman, whether she tries one upmanship or understands the situation and will stay in the background and be very tactful.
I would not go overboard on your style, just look comfortable and casual, but classy and neat - choose your best colour, be yourself, and concentrate on making your daughter and others - even the 'other woman' feel at ease. Then go home and cry your eyes out!