Loving can hurt

Thank you all for sharing, and thank you all for empathy without judgement. I know the pain and the joy. It's what mothers do, right? I have had my heart wrenched out of my body as I watched my child in ICU, so many tubes and monitors, so awesomely brave. I have said goodbye to the same child as she moved with her husband to New York City. I have watched another daughter, so proud but with my heart hammering in my chest as she waited to step onto the ice for her first solo competition, and then have the same anxiety as I watched her fall into the clutches of a drug too vicious to fight, and I have lost her to the same drug. ?

I have been in tears reading all your wonderful posts. My children are 47 and 45 and are still my babies So that when they hurt I hurt twice as much. Both have children and my grandchildren mean the same to me too. My daughter calls me the lioness because I'd fight to the death for each one of them.

Morethan, I feel for you. Given all the advice, other people's experiences and information I received when I was expecting my first child, absolutely none of it prepared me for the intensity of love I felt for this tiny baby or for the realisation that this feeling would last for as long as I live. I expected to love my child, but the intensity hit me like a brick. And now, forty years on, it makes me cry when I see the same feeling in him as he rises to heights of patience and love for his autistic son which I would never have imagined him capable of.

I almost think it's worse when they are adults. When they are young we have control in who they see and where they go, but when they are grown up we have no real say, and can only support when the going gets tough for them.

Mine are 30 and 26 and I thought this would be the 'easy' bit .I wish ...
Someone once said to me that once you have a child your heart lives outside your body for the rest of your life
My eldest broke up from a three year rerelationship last year -mutual and for non negotiable reasons. She was ,and still is devastated ,not least for the 'what might have been 'She is reaching the age where her contemporaries are having babies. I think the night I held her, helpless ,while she sobbed for hours was the hardest of my life
But both mine say a 'magic kiss' and a virtual hug do help a bit

Thank you Hula-hoop. How true.?

Heart wrenching stories on here.
? For you all.

Oh gosh, that awful realisation for both myself and I think my DD when we both finally realised that Mum could no longer make every thing ok! She was going through endless rounds of IVF on the other side of the world - just awful to hear the pain and despair over the phone line. My DH used to dread it too as I sobbed all over him with the effort of being emotionally strong for her. Happily 2gorgeous DGD's later that is finally behind us

I am so sorry to hear of all these heart wrenching, rear life stories. I have one or two myself - they haunt me every day. Seeing my son trying to piece his life together after a life altering set of lies set him of a course whereby he's lost everything, including his 6 year old twins. I know that it is impossible for me to heal his wounds and also impossible under the current circumstances that I will see the children any time soon. We've been living with it for over 4 years now. My pain is seeing his absolute devastation without any redress available to him at all. My sincere good wishes go to all of your gransnetters.

I couldn't stop the tears reading these sad stories. I know exactly how it feels to want to take away their pain and you can't. I hope for peace and a little sunshine for for the mothers who have posted these stories , I can empathise with so many of them. Hope life will get a little kinder for all the lovely mothers (and me!)

Thank you so much to everyone who has passed on such kind messages I can't begin to say how much it means to me.

My story is different in that it is my granddaughter who is the one going through a breakup and her pain is breaking my heart. I became her legal guardian when I was 60 and she was 2years and 8 months old. She is now 21, and a few months ago she moved into a flat with her boyfriend. After a few weeks it all fell apart, he moved out and left her with all the bills to pay, except for half the rent which he had to pay because the lease was in joint names. I have had to bail her out each month because she was so devastated she was being treated for depression, and couldn't go to work. I can't sleep worrying about her, I'm so afraid she will do something drastic. She won't talk about it, and doesn't come to see me as much as she used to. I think that when things go wrong with a family member it is harder to cope with than if it happens to yourself.

? to all....I echo the messages of others, that being a Mother is a job for life, something you don't realise when younger.

My mum said children were nothing but trouble,but I went on to have one of my own!
My mum despite what she said would have walked into hell for her children,and she always only wanted the best for us.
I've seen my daughter in the such pain I can't tell you how much that hurt.but the joy that dd and gc have brought to my life is immeasurable.
I think my mum chose her words poorly,I think she meant that children are nothing but worry,she just forgot to say they are also the greatest joy in life!

lizzypopbottle Thank you so much petal. Very much appreciated xxx

Mollydolly feel so sad for you and I'm sending you a mothers hug! We love and nurture our children then set them free into the big world all we can do is hide our fears and be there for when they need us. My sister has been going through an awful time with her one and only daughter and as her sister can only listen and comfort. Inhale sons and they are ok T the moment but all I can do is pray it remains that way x

Sorry meant I have sons ,

i find it v hard to cope with the pain and knocks my children go through ..It affects me very very deeply, I am always supportive and do everything to help but sometimes I wish i didn't know. Its been enlightening to realise that it's normal to feel this way X

Agree totally with the strong feelings we have for our children. My feelings for my growing up very fast grandchildren, are exactly the same as my children too ?

When one of my children was going through a particularly bad time I said to a friend, 'When does this end?' He said, 'Oh dear, didn't you know? it never does.' He was right.

However, it's good to know from all the Grans netters that we are not strange or different. If we could take their pain we would.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.

My eldest son, who is now 31, has suffered from severe mental illness since he was 17 years old, and has been in and out of hospital many times.No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel that I must not have done enough to protect him from this terrible illness. It was my job, as his mother, to keep him safe, and I couldn't do it. I have an inner core of grief that never goes away, and it will be there until my son begins to heal. However, I now have a beautiful baby grandson (child of youngest son and daughter-in-law) and he is bringing my broken spirit back to life. He makes me live in the moment, when I'm with him, as nothing else can, and he is pure sunshine. He has made me understand that grief and joy can live side-by-side.