Is my son being unreasonable?

Is the youngest son single?

I'd keep out of it if I were you. They are adults. Leave them to it.

Assuming the youngest is single and the middle one is 'very busy with his own family' I don't think your son is being at all unreasonable!

Again assuming, the middle brother will be invited to the wedding so I can't see the problem.

I'd say nothing.

He's got a girlfriend and a young son.
Why do wedding always cause such potential pitfalls...?

It depends on your relationship with your sons. I would talk to the middle son and ask how he really felt. If he says fine. Fine. If not I would talk to my eldest son and ask whether he could have two best men? The last wedding I went to had two best men and it worked well.
But I also kind of agree with thatbags. Adults are often best at sorting stuff out themselves. I am such a fence sitter!

Usually nothing good can come from getting involved in wedding angst. Particularly seeing as in most (not all before anyone jumps on me) cases these decisions are made by the bride not the groom.
That said, don't think there's any harm in casually saying 'oh, so what will * (middle son) be doing for the wedding?" If he say, oh he'll be too busy then you could say you are sure hed make the time for something so important but leave it at that. Good luck - sure it will be a lovely day regardless how all this plays out.

Maybe the youngest appears the less busy then - who knows

Weddings, who'd have 'em!

Does the eldest son have to have his brother as best man. Does he not have a close friend?

I faced a similar problem when I married. I have two sisters and as I was not having a big wedding, just needed a 'Best Woman', not brides maids. I felt it was invidious to choose one and not the other so I decided to ask my closest friend to fill the role.

I discussed it with both sisters and they were both happy with the decision.

I wouldn't say anything if I were you Lynda I'm sure if your son wants to discuss it with his brother he will do.

Don't worry about it, just enjoy the wonderful day when it arrives.

It seems understandable that the younger one, who hasn't got the responsibilities of a young family would be the choice, especially maybe for the stag! (knows all the best places still!) and more time on his hands. But the line in your post that made me feel a little worried, is that your middle son seems to be a little upset about it. Which indicates the 3 boys haven't talked. If you feel you have to say something (I do agree in a lot of ways, best to keep out of it, but then as a mother, I am guessing you want to try to head off a falling out between your lads), I wonder if you should say to your youngest (without breathing a word that middle son is upset), 'Have you chatted to 'eldest' about 'you' being the choice for best man? Has he talked to 'middle' about it and explained it's because he's got a lot on his plate with family?'. Then 'youngest' may have a mention to 'eldest'. It's lack of communication often that leads to 'assumptions' and bad feeling. If they had a chat about it, may find eldest would say 'Oh middle, I just assumed you'd have too much to do mate, so I asked youngest'. Weddings do seem to bring out problems don't they. When they should be such a happy occasion. Hope they sort it out without any bad feeling. I would hate it if my 3 boys fell out. It's unlikely though, as they're usually united ganging up on me! I like to have a purpose in life!

Oh, weddings. Don't get me started. Might start a new thread actually instead of hijacking yours as I wouldn't mind some advice. Good luck.
From what you say your middle son is hurt so I would advise addressing it now. Agree with what others have said that it's almost always unintentional miscommunication rather than malice but best to nip in bud before it escalates.

I totally agree, nevertoolate, a quiet word now might stop any upset escalating.

I think I'd ask in terms of trying to understand, being very careful not to imply critiism. My guess is it hasn't occured to the bridegroom to be that he may be upsetting anyone, perhaps an usher position or delegating a specific organising task would deal with any tension? Hope it settles, weddings should be happy occasions (smile)

I'd keep well out of it LyndaW. If the middle son has offered his help, it's now up to the bridegroom to come to an arrangement with him. My DS1 had a good friend as best man and I don't think DS2 was in the least offended.

Do men get offended so easily? I think they are more practical than that

It is usually the bride who makes most of the choices so there my not be much for middle son to do to help.....he has offered so obviously brothers talk and I suspect younger one was chosen as he is still out there socialising and knows the best places and on the day will not be busy with his kids at the reception.

It is was it is. Interfere at you peril just assume all is done from the best of motives.

A friend of mine has twin sons. The groom asked his best friend to be his best man and of course he sat at the top table. The other twin did say he didn't mind but odd comments made at the reception, he sat with us, showed he did. Could the groom not ask his brother to be an usher ?

I'm with thatbags leave well alone otherwise it could escalate into some worse. And you don't want to be seen to be the interfering mother. As time goes on I'm sure they will come together.

My instinct is to stand back and let them sort it out. Messengers nearly always get the blame.

Butt out.

In the scheme of things weddings are unimportant.If your boys have been friends all their lives,they will continue to be when they are married.They will support each other in difficult times and it won't matter a jot which one was best man.

Who did your middle son have as best man?

If you speak to your eldest and he changes his choices they are meaningless anyway. He has already decided his preferences. Weddings eh!

If it were me Id not say one word.
Whatever you say could be
misunderstood/misconstrued and leaving you feeling frustrated or even hurt.
"Leave it to the guys to sort it"
is my advice. Enjoy the Day too !!

I disagree about keeping quiet You seem to be worried that something is wrong between the boys and as their mother isn't it natural to ask if there is a problem.

If there seems to be a problem tell them how sad that makes you and please sort it out before the wedding as this I a a special happy family occasion and you want everyone To be happy. You are their mother and how ever old they are they will listen to you. Maybe they feel their brother has left the party scene and is playing families.

Also it would be normal for the brother organising the stag night to include his brother in making the plans however inviolved he maybe with his child. I presume he is invited.

You don't mention their father, could he not have a word.

I am sure every thing is ok and they will reassure you.