I really don't like my adult son (lets call him F). He is 28 years old and for the last 12 years he has caused me nothing but worry and shame. It started when he was 16 and discovered alcohol.
F has been brought home by police at least 3 times a year in the dead of the night, practically comatose, on one occasion they picked him up walking down a motorway and on another they took him to hospital to sober up.
My husband (his step-father)will not have F to live in the house, and to be honest, neither would I. F works in a low paid job he hates (he has had this job for 12 years and hates it but hugely lacks confidence and refuses any help from ourselves and others with trying to get another job)
He was thrown out of his last flat share (last year) by the landlord after only 3 weeks as he took a bunch of mates back and caused mayhem after a night out drinking. After that incident i was so distraught i had to break contact for my own mental health. However, after lots of pleading texts i started seeing him again after 3 months.
F can go weeks without a drink (usually when he has caused me shame and is rueful) however, he refuses to get any therapy at all and all suggestions are dismissed.
We have just had a family weekend away (on which he was mostly fine) and when we left my Dad's house my Dad gave him some money, i knew at that point what my son would be doing that night i.e. drinking money.
Today he contacted me and told me that (for the second time this year) he has lost his mobile phone and could he borrow an old one of mine till he gets a new one. My heart sank as I knew (and had it confirmed when I asked him) how it had been lost (in a bar somewhere in town when he was drunk). Yes, both times he lost it whilst drunk.
What really upsets me is that he is so blaise about it, whilst I, yet again, feel crushed inside (it means he is now paying 2 mobile bills he can ill afford as he has no insurance on the last one)
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this here, i just feel so tearful that my son has become as a person i dislike so much and i feel, once again, that i need a break from him....
Sorry, but messages of support would really help....
(((hugs)))