Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

My EDIL is apparently thinking of becoming a social worker! (No comment)

Many congratulations on your 36th wedding anniversary Smileless & Mr.S hope you enjoyed your champagne, two bottles I hope, as double celebration I will wish you good luck now for the 23rd, your moving day It will be interesting to hear how you feel, after you've settled into your new home, regarding not being in the same street as your estS & GS's, needless to say, not seeing your nasty d.i.l will certainly be a blessing!

Luckylegs I've been saying for years that I should move, and I really should, but the thought of it all, being on my own, is daunting! My friends have said they would help, my ND & family are busy and with a little baby I wouldn't want them to help, and also I wouldn't want to put on my friends either, so that just leaves me I would no doubt get the packers in, but the bulk I would have to do myself as I would need to sort & pack. I haven't been up in the attic since Xmas, left all the deco etc. in the spare room & suitcases, as I can't bear to get up there, especially as the strip-light has gone, can't reach to change it, my Son would have done that for me, but now... Very difficult being a women on your own.

Celebgran hope you are having a fab time on your cruise, I would give you some wine, but you've probably had tons already alone with the &

Eddiecat just seen your post

Well eddiecat I'm just relieved that I'll never require the services of a child minder and hope and pray that I'll never need the services of a social worker. OMG what is the world coming too.

Ooops hit post message before I'd finished; thanks Yogagirlwe had a lovely evening and are off to the new house today. Hopefully the next time we go we'll be moving in.

Just wanted to say hello. I am back from our out of town wedding and small get away with my daughter and her kids. We had a great time and I still am having trouble walking from dancing the night away. But I had a good time and that's just what I needed. I haven't read any posts yet but will pipe back in after I do.
Yesterday was the grandkids first day back at school. I saw a photo of our EGC and that hurts.
Hope you all are well.

By the way - when I first saw the abbreviation "EDIL" I assumed it meant Evil DIL!!

Today, I'm having a 'what did I do wrong?' day. My dil told me that I would have to stay in a hotel once they had a child. Despite very poor health, I have done so & it has cost a fortune. Now, they cannot find a time for me to visit. All the summer has gone (dil on 6 week holiday). Half term they are going away with friends. Easter was two weeks after and I have not seen them since! My granddaughter is now walking and sort of talking. I am two and a half hours away, I might as well be on the moon. My son and I were so close. I expected change but not to be erased. His mil was widowed four years ago, dreadfully sad. His mil and my dil can be very alike. I am simply not really family any more.

Hello everyone, I haven't been on here for a while. Why is it a new page? I've been reading all your sad posts and the happier ones too. Human relationship can be so hard and heartbreaking. I wish for a breakthrough in the legal system for all of us estranged parents and grandparents.
It's a year since my son and I saw his little girl - my baby GD. She will be walking now.
I have more or less accepted the possibility that we may never see her. Upsetting as it is, I have had to move on as the anger and sadness was all consuming. Although my son is still pursuing access through the solicitor it is a long and costly process (I have had to lend him money) as his ex puts up such a good fight. Although not officially diagnosed she is definitely NPD.
I worry about the effect all this will have on DGD as her mum is an angry person who thrives on conflict. I know that if DS ever gets to see his daughter his ex will try to poison her little mind against him. My son is such a lovely man and has been dragged through hell by her and was in the depths of despair. However he is moving on and now has a lovely new girlfriend who already has 2 kids (5+11) and they already love him. He would be a great Daddy to his little girl but who knows if he ever get the chance to prove it. Love to all xxx

So sorry for your plight Ukcan It must be terrible for your Son not to see his DD, a mother should never deprive her child from seeing her dad, the child won't thank her for it when she's older. My ex never paid maintenance but I never stopped him seeing the C as it was too cruel on the C & as rotten as he was with the marriage break-up, I couldn't deprive him of his C as I knew he loved them. Your Son shouldn't have to fight in the courts to see his daughter! the mother should at least let them see each other once a week. I hope it gets sorted quickly for you all. Good luck

Kaytey unfortunately you don't have to do anything wrong to get cut out, just the dislike from the d.i.l/s.i.l is all it takes only thing to do is keep quiet and hope for a few crumbs.

Rhinestone it's hard seeing all the news & pics of the little ones first day at school, it upset me sooo much not to be in my GD life to see that, the little new uniforms and all. Should be a but instead

Hope alls well with you Smileless after all that champagne

Celebgran Don't get on the bathroom scales after that wonderful cruise you've been on wait a week or two

luckylegs Eddie Ruby and all well it is Friday

Ukcan The new page is because our old one got taken over by the trolls and became so unpleasant that GNHQ deleted it

But my memory is that some regular posters from other threads (not trolls, but respectable posters) posted on it, the regulars on here got annoyed at what they said (it wasn't sympathetic enough), and some unpleasant posts ensued in both directions and were deleted. All parties had their knuckles rapped by HQ, who closed down the whole thread.

Please remember that accusing posters of being trolls is one of the things that HQ delete posts for.

Your memory is perhaps not all it should be Elegran. Regular posters took issue with some extremely unpleasant and cruel posts that appeared on the thread. One of the posters was relatively new and interestingly no longer seems to appear on GN. To say annoyance ensued because what was said "wasn't sympathetic enough" is not only untrue but likely to cause antagonism and take away from the real purpose of the thread; something else that HQ deletes posts for.

Regardless of whether or not the word 'troll' should have been used, Yogagirl's post was spot on. The previous thread was taken over and because of the unpleasantness that was caused was deleted by GNHQ which in my opinion was an outrage as it was giving in to the bullies and I made my feelings known to GNHQ.

If my memory serves me correctly, and I'm certain it does, there were several non regular posters who expressed their outrage at the way some regular posters were being treated and the cruelty of some of the posts.

We all have our own memories of what we posted and read, Smileless and I don't suppose they will be changed by anyone else's memories. They are gone now, so no-one can clear their name. The instant labelling of many non-trollers as trolls caused a lot of pain at the time, which is why I hoped that the term would not be resuscitated to cover ALL those who were called bad names.

Memories of factual events cannot be changed Elegran. I agree that a lot of pain was caused but none of it was instigated by the regular posters.

Taking into account just how unpleasant an episode it was, I hoped that all of the unpleasantness wouldn't be resuscitated, what a shame you seem to feel otherwise by picking up on one word of a regular posters post. This thread has been running without any unpleasantness, doing what it was originally set up to do, to give support for those estranged from loved ones.

Perhaps the resuscitation of that term wouldn't have been as evident as it's now become if you hadn't felt the need to shine a spotlight on it.

Elegran I'm not sure the word troll is that harmful as it means someone who deliberately makes an offensive remark online to upset another or get an angry response from them. That's exactly what happened.
Moving on UkeCanmy heart breaks for all of us let alone for your son. Why was he never allowed visitation? Based on what?
Until someone gets the ball rolling with the courts we grandparents don't have a prayer as the parents are in control. The true tragedy are our grandchildren who don't have a say whether they see a parent or grandparent. It's the parent who decides who their children see whether they are in their right mind or not. And it's all very sad.

I believe HQ doesn't like us calling anyone trolls - even those who have never posted a word on any thread before and pop up from nowhere!

My point is that while there may have been some posts that were deliberately planted, there were also more from well-meaning posters (who have been posting on GN for a long time and are sensible caring peope) trying to be helpful, who were treated as though they were being deliberately insulting. "Overrun with trolls" does seem to include them, but their reception was as much a cause of the deletion as the posts of "trolls".

Hello,
Just seen this thread and as I am estranged from my family was interested in the discussion. I have also written my first blog full stop, if anyone wants to read it on Sane website. It's a very emotive and difficult subject for those involved, but also very much a taboo one. People talk in hushed whispers, often judging those involved negatively and little help is available to anyone affected. I've had to rebuild my life without a family, its been very hard, very isolating and lonely but sometimes things can become so toxic that this is the only way to look after yourself. So the question I asked in my blog was is blood thicker than water? Be interested in people's views.

KarenLz
I would like to read your blog, can you be a bit more specific, Is it called "Full Stop".

KarenIn my opinion anyone can be blood. It's about who is in your life that treats you well. Blood as we all know here, is just that ... Blood. It doesn't come with a guarantee that they have to stay in your life. Blood used to hold up a lot better than nowadays. To many young people it doesn't matter if you are related. They do what they want as long as it serves their needs. No one seems to put their feelings aside for their "blood" anymore.

I would choose water every time! my friends are more important to me than blood relatives, people who believe blood is thicker than water seem determined to test it by shedding as much blood as possible! We dont need that 'type' of blood relative in our lives.

Glad you found the new thread UkeCan but so sorry that the situation with your DS and his wife still hasn't been resolved. The worse thing any parent can do is use their child to hurt another. I sometimes wonder if that's why our ES stays with his wife, because he fears she would prevent him from seeing his children. Still, even if that were the case there's been no need for his lies and cruelty of the last 4 years. I could understand and sympathise it it were the former, but will never understand or have sympathy for his terrible behaviour.

Welcome Karen, as we always say to new posters, so pleased that you found us on this thread but sorry that you are living through the same nightmare. You ask if blood is thicker than water? Well if it were, our abandoning children wouldn't have abandoned us.

We are 100% certain this wouldn't have happened if he'd married someone else, unless of course they had all of the personality defects she has. Having been in his life for 27 years, to then be rejected with such vile cruelty following his marriage it's pretty obvious to me that in our case, blood isn't thicker than water.

This is such an awful thing to deal with especially if you are alone, without a loving and caring partner to share the burden with. You've done so well to get as far as you have and now that you've found us, I hope you'll post again.

Loved your post Mumsy "people who believe blood is thicker than water seem determined to prove it by shedding as much blood as possible" brilliantly put, sums our ES up to a 'T'.

Good to see you back on line Rhinestone. I'm glad you enjoyed the wedding and your break away. You've had so much to deal with you certainly deserved some time to relax and have fun.

Speaking of relaxation and having fun, are you back Celeb; hope you had a great time with your lovely hubby.

The champagne was lovely Yogagirl, as was the wine. Can't believe it's been 36 years. My goodness we've had some highs and unbelievably low lows, but even if I'd known what was to come, I'd still have married Mr. S.

Slight change of plans ladies. We should be completing on the 23rd but have decided to put everything in to storage until we get back from Florida. Having only 5 days between moving in and going away was stressing us out and TBH the nearer the move gets the more unsettled I feel.

I know it's the right thing to do, absolutely the right thing, but I think I'm going to find it more upsetting than I thought I would.

Hello everyone, think you will have a lovely time in Florida Smileless and come back ready for the move. Celeb due back today I think. Mowing the lawns Friday, I backed into a big shrub and hVe now got a big gash down my calf, it just woukdnt stop bleeding. I realise I have got depressed since my fall a few weeks ago, there was just no one there for me, so I am not concentrating, at this rate I will look like the walking wounded. I know how you feel Yogagirl, perhaps it's better not to rock the boat, you have a life and people that care about you and a move at any time is traumatic never mind when you are on your own and stressed. I know it's time for me yo move, it's too much for me here but I really do not think I am in the right frame of mind at the moment,
You are right Rhinestone, we don't really get a say do we, it is so sad and we all have to just accept it.
Welcome Karen. I think if you get a true friend they can be as much to us as family. My life would have been the poorer without them. However, I know despite the problems I would give my life for my daughter, it is as if she is still part of me, I step back because I want her to be happy. You can make new friends, I have since my best friend died but they can never mean as much as she did. But I can never get another daughter and know if I live until I am 100 I will feel the same, so I guess that when it comes to it family come first. ?? to all on this forum, I am so glad you're there.

Smileless it is heartbreaking to hear how you're being treated.Your DiL maybe has such a hold on your son and has brainwashed him against you. This is what my ex DiL tried to do and to a certain extent succeeded. She tried to turn him against his whole family and ended up turning them all against each other. His sisters - who were once so close to him - haven't been able to forgive him yet for taking her side against them even though he has left his ex. I now never see my 3 kids all at the same time, only seperately.
These domestic abusers - whether phsyical or psychological exert such power over their partners, robbing them of their confidence and self esteem and brainwashing them into believing that the people who truly love them want to harm them. They put on a false front to outsiders so everyone thinks they are really lovely, friendly people so nobody believes the abused person when they say what os happening to them. I thank God my son is out of her clutches but sad that he has no access to Holly. One day I hope your son will find the strength to leave his wife, maybe when the children are old enough to speak out and have a choice.

Thanks everyone for your warm welcome. It's good to talk as they say. I've been asked about my blog post, it's called is blood thicker than water and it's on the Sane mental health website.