Regrets about being estranged from people..

I cannot ever see it as a possibility with my son Fairydoll; your question did leave me pondering.

Would I have found it easier to get over the bullying, shouting and false accusations if they'd only come from her? Is it harder to come to terms with, get over and forgive when it comes from your own child? Shouldn't it be easier if it is your own child?

Trust between a parent and their child and a child and their parent isn't like trust in other relationships. It's not earned, it's simply there, a given. I'd never really given trust a second thought when it came to the relationships I had with my sons until our ES broke that trust.

I've always believed that you cannot have a relationship without trust and that if that trust is completely destroyed so is the relationship.

For me, it just isn't possible to ever trust our ES again so a relationship with him isn't possible either, that's why I contacted him in writing to say goodbye. His very unpleasant response confirmed that I'd done the right thing.

my daughters have proved to me they can not be trusted, so many times theyve dangled the carrot and Ive bitten it only to be hurt over and over again! it will never happen again. If they ever did contact me I would be polite but I will not or never will accept them with open arms.

I think it would depend on the relationship. If it were a friend or family member that I wasn't particularly close to, I could certainly re-establish the relationship. My thinking would be that if it happened again, well I tried, then I would forget it.

With those really close to me, the hurt would be much much deeper. I would certainly try, but I believe once trust has gone in any relationship, it will never ever be the same. So, a new relationship maybe.

With regards to my daughter- in- law, if it meant being allowed to see my granddaughter, I would do everything in my power to create the illusion of a relationship. That's all it would be though. The deep hurt of being deprived of my beautiful grandaughter in my life so far, and the pain this has caused my son too, will be with me forever. I can't forget that when I was alone and dangerously ill, she never so much as sent a card, text, or even a message via my son. Some things are too big to overcome.

Mumsy and Rosy. "I would do everything in my power to create the illusion of a relationship" I think I could possibly do that with my son to see our GC but that's all it could ever be now, just an illusion and because of the things he's said and done, I sometimes wonder if that's all our relationship ever was.

I think that if the estranged child made the effort to make up, we would all give it a go. I do know I will never trust my d again, I would keep that hidden, but the pain of being rejected and ignored when I badly needed her and the constant put downs have broken that bond, once that has gone I don't see how it can be altered. In my case it has been over too many years and I have missed out on my gd, those years and the relationship we could have had you can't get back. Inside I have a deep sadness and lonliness because I never thought I could have been rejected like I was and I know this is how I will always feel. She has done this, destroying my self confidence and pride in my d who I would have given my life for. I have built another life and have lots of times when I am happy, sometimes the estrangement disappears, then it comes back
Iike a dark cloud. I can honestly say that since I gave birth to my two children, they have always been foremost in my thoughts, it as all for them. I enjoyed my life knowing they were always there in the background, even if they had emigrated that bond would have been there. Ours has gone.

Luckylegs you put that very well.

That bond and closeness I shared with my ed is gone for ever.

Best I could hope was to be able to see my granddaughters but I would be unable of ever trust my ed again she had hurt me too deeply for too long and done her utmost to destroy me. I will never ever know why and go to my grave sad because of it, k honestly tried to love her and care for her always always worked hard to do my absolute best.

I too have rebuilt my life and feel blessed with those who do love and care for me.
It does hurt still that she betrayed me so badly and it always will.

Smilless that is exactly how i feel sometimes I think did ed ever really love me? Or was it all about the help o could give her, you just don't betray and hurt those you love let alone your own mum.

Im 100% sure that our kids did love us at one point, its just so difficult to understand why that love has turned into such hate for us.

Certainly is mumsy it's almost impossible to understand how our ed could change into someone so evil I don't recognise her, and prolong so much profound hurt and pain to her own mum and dad.

Cards and letters from 7 years ago say she did love is once but a pretty shallow love i guess.

I had the day out with my sister today and all went better than I could have hoped. She was so kind to my GD and also bought a present for my GS. GD wanted to hold her hand all the time. I took your advice Mumsy and neither of us raked up the past.

I realise how lucky I have been with this reconciliation, and I doubt it would have happened without this thread. I truely wish it could be the same for others but sometimes it is not to be.

What a lot of wasted time we had. Older and wiser is the saying for my sister and myself.

so so pleased for you Pollengran, a step in the right direction and I wish you both a lot more meet ups...