Mother in law situation

Could it be the start of Dementia sounds very odd if its new behaviour..

"unfortunately it was over Brexit but that is irrelevant"

Nooo... I don't think it would have been irrelevant!

I wouldn't be too hasty to put it down to dementia. We do become less tolerant as we get older. (speaking for myself!)

Are yu sure she hasn't just got fed up with you being a little goody-two-shoes?

Apoart from that, lock yer bedroom door when you stay at theirs.

Yes I think she has got fed up of me being a little goody two shoes!

My MIL behaved in a very similar way, calling her DILs 'the women my sons married'!
She also thought that everything we had was courtesy of her son, via her!

Although it is annoying I realised over time, that it was better to keep a perspective on it and smile graciously! DH was often furious with her.

I did blow up one one occasion and this resulted in a lot of bad feeling and got me nowhere.in my opinion itis a kind of personality defect and jealousy.

Snarl back.

Thanks for that input J52. She does seem jealous which I find a bit surprising I suppose as she has always been seemingly perfect.
Yes I certainly did snarl back, as I said I have very red hair.
I think we probably need a cooling off period and maybe see them for the odd meet up occasionally. Unfortunately we have recently moved to their town and have spent way too much time together...
DH is also fed up of if so not just me

With my MIL I realised fairly early on that I wasn't good enough for her son and she has made that clear over the last 30 or so years that she wished he'd married his previous GF. I agree it's jealousy , and a reluctance to renounce control as the queen bee. I stopped visiting my MIL ( now 96 and even more cantankerous) a couple of years ago after , when we were hosting her to dinner as we did once or twice a week, she blew up after I said she shouldn't be rude to shop assistants ( another story) and she let me have both barrels. I then decided not to have someone in my home who verbally abused me, and now I only see her when in a family occasion when I can avoid talking to her. My OH supports me, but has to do the running around after her with his sister and not me. I would help in an emergency, obviously, but I am not willing to interact with someone who is so hostile and has never tried to apologise.

But ...... she's 96!!!

So if you are "old" you can be as rude and hostile as you want Jingle? ........

Just cos you are 96 doesn't mean you can abuse people does it? And it's not just cos she's 96, she has always been horrible to me. ( and everyone else , I just refuse to put up with it) .

Suzied, I know how you feel and I don't accept that old age necessarily gives people the right to be hostile. I know plenty who are as nice as pie or maybe they're just pretending. Behind closed doors and all that.
Hopefully things will cool down with mil but if think I will stop trying so hard and get my DH to pop round from time to time rather than me. I might just do the occasional family thing like you Suzied.

Have to say that since the 'break up' I have felt so relieved, less anxious and not the least bit guilty which is telling.

My MiL decided I wasn't good enough for her boy before we even met. I never shaped up. I tried for almost 20 years until I had a lightbulb moment and I stopped going to see her. She didn't want to see me and I had given up trying so my husband would visit her , with my blessing. He could take the girls any time he or she wanted.

It was a huge weight off my shoulders. After all she didn't pick me ..why should she love me. I jus wish I'd worked it out 19 years sooner

Very interesting thread. Especially in light of threads on here today.

Yes it's taken me rather a long time to realise what was going on , but after about 28 years it feels a relief to have a more distant relationship in the future

"Yes I think she has got fed up of me being a little goody two shoes!" - even if that is true, it does not excuse rude behaviour.

Yes your justified in feeling as you do. I can remember a similar incident with my mil. I gave as good as I got. I told her straight to go home and I'd drive her. A few hours later she apologised. (she'd never done than before it was the first and only time) our 40 + year relationship rather followed the same pattern. She was often very difficult and the most cantankerous person I've ever met, but when she was snippy I'd have no hesitation in biting back. I think she quite enjoyed our short sharp fracases. Shes 86 now and has dementia. I don't regret our tiffs they were part of our relationship alongside all the love and laughs we shared. She asks for me all the time and I know she was very fond of me and trusted my judgement. I think the trick is to not stand any nonsense but don't hold a grudge. We'd have a row and then two minutes later we'd be drinking tea and chatting. Next time she calls you "she" either ignore her, or ask her if she's talking to you, better still reply " who's SHE? The cats mother"I always challenged her bad behaviour. If you talk about holidays indicate that perhaps it's not a good idea to holiday together as she obviously didn't enjoy your company last time. You don't have to carry out the threat . We can all be a bit 'passive aggressive' if we try hard enough. I do hope you can count on your husbands support. Good luck .

'I think the trick is to not stand any nonsense but don't hold a grudge'. This sounds really good advice morethan2, Thankyou! My husband is very supportive especially at the moment as he realises that MIL has been very over the top in her provoking attitude.
Thanks to all for your thoughts . It has really helped me get it off my chest and put things in perspective.

We don't have to put up with horrible people,doesn't matter who they are.My DIL was very nasty to me in the past,but I never retaliated,just kept stum,then went home and cried me eyes out.Since the GC have arrived she's been much better,(thank god) My son says she likes the fact that the kids love being with me,(I'm the main sitter)
What I'm saying is,see as little as possible of the woman,but keep your dignity,be polite and distant.
Why are some people so awful?

Couldn't believe this as you have re wrote the past 39 years as a reality with my mil she is now 94 and been widowed for nearly thirty years and was exactly the same with me in early years but as soon as I stood up on her she knew she had met her match this was after years of taunts and snide remarks! She now needs me so much and my husband is very cool with her she is bearing her time (just do the maths) and makes quiet comments to my husband about not caring enough! She can't change the past but we can move on as a couple with or without her and she seems to have realised this. She does have outbursts but I don't ring or contact her for a couple of days and she soon comes round good luck you will need it but don't be too quiet as your marriage is the most important thing x

She sounds like a nasty mother in law. I had a similar problem but no where near as bad and a friend told me this. You hold all the power. It's her son but your husband and your family. She probably feels pushed out as a parent and is jealous. Don't go on holidays with her, visit on your terms. You are being bullied and if you allow it go on. She will. You will have to say point blank your behaviour if wrong. Also get your husband to stand up to her too. It's horrible for you but she is acting ridiculously. Next laugh and say are you ok? . You're acting strange. Takes practice because I don't like confrontation either but you have to let her know who's in charge here. Good luck

I hate anyone talking into my face, I feel very uncomfortable when my personal space is threatened. I have a friend who tries to get within a few inches of you when talking, I back off (if I can) or turn away. If you are talking to someone else normally he will poke his head between you. Horrid.

I would make a point of keeping your distance from her what are the reactions of others when she's like this her husband ,son? you could also try being more assertive yourself but keep it good humoured just because she's older than you it doesn't give her the right to talk down to you my sister who is in her seventies has always been a bit outspoken and I as the younger sister by sixteen years I just let her comments some quite rude wash over me but recently now I'm approaching 60 I stand up to her more and to be honest it's made her stop in her tracks a few times I think giving her a taste of her own medicine works wonders

Very unpleasant and unnecessary behaviour that no-one should have to suffer. The knife thing is just weird, though, and may be indicative of something else going on.