Son's wedding coming up - I don't know if I can go.

I can work out if you, husband and daughter have had an invitation?! If you have, you should go! Enjoy!

So glad you went Emerald, even though you found it difficult. But please don't write off your newly-married son. It's so easy to give offence at weddings without meaning to - everyone's so emotional. You can't blame the couple for what the bride's father said. And maybe they were thinking of you when they didn't put you on the top table, thinking that you were going to find it hard, but it would be easier if you weren't in the 'spotlight'.

Sorry, I can't work out etc.....

Not quite the same situation but my brother in law doesn't speak to me. I had a complete breakdown & said some horrible things in the depth of my depression for which I have apologised over & over. My brother got married & it was a little awkward but we weren't sat together. My mum had a big birthday & we got together for a family lunch in a restaurant. We were sat at opposite ends of a huge table & although it was again awkward I managed by ignoring him! There will be a way when there's a will! Your grandkids are grown up enough to make their own minds up if they speak to you. Make the effort to make eye contact & smile. As for your mum best to avoid her, she sounds awful. Good luck ?

That's famalies for you????????

Well done for going Emerald - you are so right - life is too short to worry about the people who are cruel to you and I cannot understand your mother's attitude towards you. Her grandchildren and great grandchildren are just that and we all know as much as we love our grandchildren there will come a time when they grow up and move on from their parents and grandparents and if we are lucky we will have a part of their lives. You have two lovely daughters and a good husband - enjoy your time with them and start to do new things with them. Leave the past behind you but if your sons and mother do have a change of heart be prepared to see them again. Good luck

Well we can see who the bigger person was and you coped so well Bless you I don't know how I could have managed when the step mum was appointed 'the mum' that was major and NO I don't buy the mistake theory, there was no mistaking that AT ALL the Dad had obviously been told you were not in the son's life and that is cruel however much your son disagrees with you whatever has happened in the past you should have been acknowledged even if only in a minor way ...... but it is closure now you know where you stand in your son's life there is no wondering any more wondering if you should do this or you shouldn't do that, you obviously acted with great dignity and I hope the son regrets his actions one day and you can move on with your daughters and enjoy life There will always be that tainted feeling, he is your flesh and blood but it's his loss as well as yours and maybe one day he will realise
Your mum sounds a nasty piece

A big well done for going and thanks so much for letting us know how the day went. Although it could have been better, I think that in retrospect you will be glad that you made the effort. It seems from your message that it has put the relationship you have with family members in perspective and I really hope that you will be able to move on in a happier and more peaceful frame of mind. Take care.

Go for it. Keep saying to yourself I'm doing ok. You will have support from your husband and daughter. Smile, be gracious and leave decently early. I wish you so much luck and love.

I'm glad you braved it Emerald. I was at a wedding last month where the groom's mother wouldn't attend because father was going to be there with his new wife. We were a bit shocked that mother wasn't mentioned in any of the speeches but it turned out to be an oversight and in a speech at the party later her place in her son's life was fulsomely acknowledged in her absence. Had she turned up she would have been welcomed by almost everyone and given herself some lovely memories as well as resurrecting many sad ones. I can see that having vengeful mother there making her point with the grandchildren must have been a bitter pill but you got to see your son married and that must count for a lot.

Good for you Emerald. I'm so glad you went and I can imagine how difficult it was for you. We were in a similar situation some years ago when we went to my husband's (now estranged) son's wedding. His mother and partner (a short-lived relationship) were seated at the top table while we, and our children, were on the table that appeared to be occupied by the "minor" relatives and friends. When speaking to others round the table they asked how we were connected and were astounded to find that my husband was, in fact, the father of the groom. Prior to that, when the photos were being taken, our daughters went forward for the photos of siblings and were sent away, being told that it was only for those who had been brought up in the same house! I wanted to leave there and then but forced myself to stay.

I went to a funeral service recently where the deceased's first husband, a lovely man who died of cancer, wasn't mentioned in a long speech about her life. They'd been happily married for 20 years. I'm sure it was just an oversight by her second husband, who came on the scene years later.

Emerald I'm sorry you are feeling so low - weddings do stir up all sorts of emotions & I think it's natural that you feel some grief for things that happened in the past.
I agree wholeheartedly with annehinckley - no one would deliberately give offence at a wedding & I'm sure the bride's father didn't intend you to be upset.
I hope your newly married DS and his wife reach out to you now - if they do, grab the opportunity with both hands.
If they don't, why not write to them and say how glad you were to share their day (you were, weren't you?) to give them a way to get back to you.
I obviously don't know what has happened in the past but it's never too late.
And tell yourself again how strong you were to go!

Good advice JaneA

Not going to a wedding is a huge thing. Go and don't give anyone the pleasure of seeing you upset. When my nephew got married, for the sake of her son my sister pasted a smile on her face and sat next to her ex abusive husband for the sake of her son. It is doable. I've no doubt that you are stronger than you think you are. As with all other days, it will pass and you will then know that whatever comes your way in the future, you will be able to face it. Good luck!

You did it! Brave lady! It is over, breathe and relax! ?
I came on to say how much support my son and daughter gave me by coming to a family funeral I was dreading because of a recent incident with a cousin. Then I found that the wedding is over and you went. Good for you.

As others have said, concentrate on your positive relationships with your daughters and husband. I'd add that it doesn't hurt to leave doors open for any other family members who might approach you in the future. Situations change, as do people. All the best!

As for oversights, at her Golden wedding party my lovely scatty grandmother gave a short speech praising each of her 5 sons and their achievements, sat down to applause then popped hastily up again. 'And, of course, I love my daughter too!' she chirruped. My mother never forgot but never held it against granny either! Families, eh?!

My thoughts are really with u Emerald 64 I'm in similar position. If you really wanted to speak to someone whose outside the family circle and brilliant you could give Talking Therapy a ring they are brilliant and it's free. Good luck.

I was glad to hear that you had gone to the wedding, Emerald. No matter how bad you feel now about the way you were treated, you might have felt a great deal worse if you hadn't decided to face the music, such as it was. You proved yourself the 'bigger person' though that might not bring you much satisfaction at the moment.

I can only tell you how my daughter and her husband sorted out a similar situation. They had fallen out with his entire family for 4 years. His family did not attend their wedding, and did not see their granddaughter all this time. Recently their other son was getting married and of course he invited my daughter and her family. My daughter contacted her in-laws and asked them to meet her in a cafe to talk. They came gladly as they were so upset at not seeing their son etc., At first they made small talk but my daughter insisted they thrashed out all the grievances on both sides. They talked for a couple of hours and left as firm friends. My son-in-law was thrilled and the whole family attended his brother's wedding. My granddaughter has met the grandparents she never knew existed. In fact today they're all going there for dinner. I guess the moral of the story is, try and talk first, before attending the wedding. Maybe something can be sorted out.

This kind of scenario happens in the best of families. Forget the past, put a smile on your face and make the first move. It will either be accepted or rebuffed but either way you will have done your best and it will be for the best. Unfortunately grandparents have no legal right to their grandchildren and this can be a heart breaker as I know from bitter experience. And just a little tip for you to boost your confidence. Never respond to a direct question from someone trying to put you down or belittle you, always pose a question of your own in response. Believe me that works like a charm.

It's a happy occasion and your son wants you to share it with him.Take lots of pictures wear a smile and if you start to feel uncomfortable in anyway make your excuses and leave. You never know this could be the start of the family healing there differences. Go enjoy and please let us all know how it went

Well done on going Emerald.It sounds as if it was hard but you did it!

That's great Emerald, go and be proud and enjoy the day!

Good for you Emerald. The wondering and the 'what ifs' would probably have plagued you if you hadn't taken your courage in both hands and faced up to a difficult situation.