I want to retire

My husband retires this month at 58 and I plan to retire from my part time job next Christmas when I am 57. We have planned this since our mid 20s but we were not sure when we could go exactlyn. As our pension situation has become clearer then we made the decision to go earlier particularly as my dad died at 63 still working . Our company pensions will cover 2/3 of our monthly income and we have savings. State pension will be a bonus.

I think I would say to your husband you don't have expensive hobbies but you want to take things a bit easier and you will be reducing hours and taking on someone to cover you. The business will need to cover the cost and you have earned a rest. You can take £500 per month for yourself. Self employed is difficult I know but why have you worked all these years? Just to fund your husbands plane flying hobby? Time to assert your wishes now. You have saved for your children but not for yourself? Sorry to say this but you don't appear to value yourself much. Life is too short for regrets. Start to wind down now by going part time with an eventual end date. Do you take a salary out of the business just for you?

So he is running himself into the ground so that he can fly above it for a few hours a month? Utter madness...the work will get him in the end...surely he must see that.

I agree Gardenman99, sometimes it's working that keeps you going and fit!
For those of us who now have to work beyond 65 it isn't easy or sensible to just retire, let alone give up our luxuries at a relatively early age. What the generation ahead of ours might find horrifying I think we just accept as normal and keep chomping at the bit.
Maybe *gretel" you could set yourself an hour or so every few days to go out for lunch or coffee. Nothing will fall apart during that time and little breaks can be beneficial. I do, however, understand why your husband wouldn't want to trust the financial side of the business to someone else. It's a sensitive area.

I am long retired and although not wealthy by pooling our resources, my wife and I are able to enjoy a dept free comfortable retirement. I spoke to a friend recently about the same age and also retired, who told me that he didn't know how he found the time to go to work. So somewhere down the line Gretel there has to be some sort of compromise for the sake of yours and his health and sanity. And while I think on it £500 a month??*

Sell the business and tell him to get a p/t job teaching others to fly if he can't live without his hobby!

The obvious solution is to retire and for him to work p/t to fund his hobby . Do you also draw £500pm for your hobbies ?

Gretel, what are his hobbies, may I ask?

I haven't read all this thread so apologies if I am repeating what others have said.

If neither of you enjoy the work anymore, it doesn't make sense to keep going. I don't know what sort of hobby costs him £500 a month but perhaps if he had more leisure time he wouldn't feel the need to unwind with such an expensive hobby.

I suppose you have put all the arguments for retiring to him but it might be worth mentioning that there's no point working yourselves into the ground and possibly affecting your health to such an extent that you won't enjoy your retirement.

If the business is dependent on you working at a significantly lower rate than any replacement would expect, I think it's most unfair that you are subsidising something from which you are getting no enjoyment and a reduced amount of money compared to what a normal employee would receive.

I don't know what the answer is but I'd be inclined to say I'm retiring anyway and if you can make the business work without my subsidised ssistance that's your choice.

Why won't he give up his hobbies?

I retired 4 months ago aged 62, living on a small NHS pension and drawing on a small private pension. It's wonderful, I can actually breathe for the first time in years. I worked full time but it was more like 60 hours a week and I seriously felt I wouldn't live long enough to get my State pension.
DH still works (self employed) and somehow it's working fine. I think your DH is being incredibly selfish, I would feel very aggrieved.

Gretel - I don't think you will find many people on here who regret retiring - and you will find many who wish they had done it earlier to enjoy it before they were hit by ill health etc.

If you will forgive me saying so I think your OH is being pretty selfish to force you to continue working so he can finance an expensive hobby. There are better ways of resolving this, as has been suggested up thread.

Gretel, You talk about our husbands hobbies, what about yours? It seems very unfair to me that your husband expects you to fund his hobbies. A few choices to suggest, harden up and just retire, getting someone else in to do your job whether your husband likes it or not. If he doesn't like it he will be more willing to meet you halfway. Or you could take £500 a month for yourself to spend or save as you please, maybe a cruise without him. Or finally you could separate your finances so that he would have to fund his own hobbies. Life is to short Gretel

I was fortunate to take Early Retirement (at 50), DH had retired at 65 a few months before but was suffering from depression & drinking too much (this all happened long before retirement). He couldn't wait to retire, we downsized after 5 years in our large house + large garden as we were finding it difficult to manage. We moved from Middlesex (Surrey) to Somerset to be inbetween his DD & my DD, his DS had moved to Northamtonshire & my DM (in her 80s) in Yorkshire so we picked best area as we were closer to our respective DDs.

15 months after we moved DH died from Lung Cancer but we had some lovely times together, if I had carried on working I would have missed those years as I was widowed at 57, don't get state Pension until 66 (thanks David Cameron!!).

I have now re-located to Devon to be near DD, her OH & DGS.

You don't know what is round the corner gretel, your DH will not be able to continue flying if he fails medicals for any reason, wonder if he has considered that. I hope he can see some way that you can retire & enjoy some leisure time together

Gretel put your foot down and do what YOU want to do. I let the responsibilities of my business drive me into the ground. I burnt out with the sheer hard work of 12 hour days 6 days a week and wouldn't listen to not only friends and family saying it was too much but to my own body. Eventually i sold the business thinking i'd feel much better after a good bit of r'n'r but the effect of continuous stress is really not so easy to shake off and has majorly contributed to my heart condition. Please don't be as foolish/arrogant/blinkered as me and go for it. You only get ONE! ☆

My husband had three strokes, all at work, ten years ago. He was made to retire as his firm didn't want him. I was assaulted at my work and had a breakdown and couldn't go back. Neither of us was ready to retire mentally or financially but it's been the best thing. No not much cash, but he has nt had a stroke since. You never know what's ahead. In July we had a bad car smash and miraculously escaped, but the medics, police etc expected fatalities when they saw it, so no one knows how long they have. If it was me, I would prioritise your workload to things you need to do personally, get a young person in to do the phones the days you are not in, and have at least two days off a week. You re worth it! I think I would end up really resenting my man if we were in this situation, and it would eat away at myself to the detriment of my marriage. Best would be one day you re off together a week and an extra day for you. My mum and dad had a family business for years, both working in it, I do know the pressures. Good luck. In order to keep going u need time out!

I agree with mags1234. I would end up resenting my DH too and it would eat away at me. You are a better person than me accepting your DH's decision. I couldn't let the situation rest if he was putting his hobby above my feelings.

gretel the other thing to consider is your plan for the business after you retire. If you plan on selling it, you never know how long that might take.

I am completely overwhelmed by all the replies and the fact that so many of you have taken the time to reply.
For those that have asked husband's hobby is flying a small plane. He owns a share of a plane and flies for pleasure only. I have never flown with him. I prefer big planes with more than one engine. Husband has considered teaching (he's done some lecturing) but I think that would be stressful too. We spend time walking our 2 dogs and looking after a large fruit and vegetable garden.
I do worry about the future and send sympathy to those whose retirement has not turned out as expected due to ill health. Thank you to those who have pointed out the benefits of continuing to work part time.
We did try to sell the business in 2012 but the prospective purchasers wanted my husband to stay on which I think would have been more stressful after 20 years of making his own decisions. My husband sounds a lot like gillybob's husband in not charging enough for his work but being very good at his job. I look after the personal finances and my husband wouldn't ever question me spending money on myself. We have spent a lot of money visiting my family 220 miles away every six weeks or so(for almost forty years!) until recently so that is my spending money.

It does sound like a difficult situation gretel and I hope you can work something out.

I wonder how you organise your family finances. We have always had our own private accounts and both pay into a household account for all household expenditure. That way we are free to spend the money left in our account after we have paid for household expenditure as we wish.

If you had a separation of accounts, your DH, working or retired, would have to pay for his expensive hobby from his own resources in his own bank account. Whether you worked or retired, would then be a purely personal decision that would not affect his ability to fund an expensive hobbies. I do assume, of course, that business and personal finances are entirely separate.

Are you sure your DH wants to spend retirement with you? Seems to me even if he retires with you, he will probably be off flying more.

Could you not manage the accounts on a part time basis & get someone in to do admin.? I started working 3 days a week at 56 & at 60 went down to one day.
Now I am fully retired & it is wonderful. DH still has a good few years to work.Fine by us as we don't live in each other's pockets at all.
Maybe that would help but how sad it would be if you didn't get the time together if that is what you want.
I think there needs to be a bit of give & take to be honest.
You have a right to an opinion too. Maybe he could do less of his hobbies- golf I presume!

Thank you WilmaKnickersfit. Great user name.
Monica, we have always just had a joint bank accounts and separate savings accounts with same amount in each.
We own a limited company so yes personal and business accounts are completely separate.
redagila, I hope that my husband wants to spend his retirement with me but yes he does love his flying too.
Craftycat thank you. I have read all the comments. The accounts package that I use means that the accounts can be done in a lot less time than say 20 years ago. I'm so pleased that you are enjoying your retirement.
My husband's hobby is flying small planes. He's not keen on golf but watches it on TV.

Hi Gretel. My take? It's time to start saying no to everyone else and yes to yourself. No to 11 hour days. No to a huge garden. No to saving for your children's retirements. No to putting everyone else first and yes to yourself. What do YOU want to do with the rest of your life? None of us know how much time we have left. Sounds to me that you have been amazingly selfless up to now. Want would happen if you gave in your notice? Right now? Today?

Please try to talk your husband round to retiring. My father was sixty seven and wouldn't retire.He had his own business and my mum worked with him.She would have loved time together to do the things they wanted as they had worked hard all their lives.It never happened. My mum died suddenly from a heart attack age sixty four. My dad continued working until he was eighty two. He didn't see the point of retiring before as he had no one to retire with.

At some point he will have to decide to stop and to either sell the business or just give it up. If he is going to sell, perhaps he could start doing a kind of "delayed handover" for six months or a year during which he trains someone else in all the ins and outs and you teach someone else the finance and admin? He could put aside the money he gets for selling and use it to fund his flying until he is no longer fit enough to do it, and then it could be used for other things.

I do hope that your children are now responsible for their own stakeholder pensions, and that you are not still financing those at the cost of your own? They will get any money and property left over after you both kick the bucket anyway.