Christmas

You will SO regret it if you don't go and your daughter will never be able to tell her child later that three generations were together for their first Christmas.

DON'T grin and bear it and say thank you but no thanks and explain your reason to refuse. And yes book a few days away in a warm sunny place and don't have a conscience. Why should you frantenise (Sp?) with anyone you don't want too.

Are we really the people you should be asking advice of? Surely your daughter (who sounds nice) as the one who really knows & appreciates? your position is the one to talk to. Understandably, no matter how you feel, she'll want to see her dad too at some point. I'm sure that she will suggest the best tactics. Enjoy your time with her and her new baby and ask for her help in avoiding the ex.

I agree - don't let your ex spoil the day for you. Wherever you go, however nice it might be, you won't be with the people you love, and that is what it's all about. Other people only have the power that we give them - don't give him any, dress up, smile, go, and you can always be helping in the kitchen or elsewhere playing with the baby if he is around and you feel he is 'in your space'. Good luck!

I completely understand having been in a similar position with my daughter. You have been invited for the day, he is only 'popping in' so I would say, do what I did, go along, enjoy baby and the day. If you need to, busy yourself elsewhere during his visit. I decided not to avoid my ex, instead I smiled politely when I said hello and goodbye. As so many others have said, you can potter in the kitchen to avoid him if he does show up but don't miss out on having a special day with your DD.
I was not going to miss out on DD and DGD + my DS was there for the day too so I wanted to see him.
I did make sure I looked especially nice for the day because I felt more confident. Hold your head up high and enjoy the day x

Please go and enjoy your grandchild's first Christmas. Your daughter will be glad of your help around this busy time, and you will hopefully get lots of special cuddles. Don't let your ex. spoil this time for you.

I agree with many of the comments, if you can't bear to be in the same room take Laptop, Tablet, Mobile Phone or good book & make your excuses - could be you need to contact friends or relatives who are on their own & you promised to be in touch on Christmas Day to cheer them up.

Don't miss out on this magical time, work out strategy with your DD

Dress up, best make-up, hair done - smile & be polite (even if it's through gritted teeth) & look forward to your special day with family.

My DGS was 3 before I had Christmas Day with him as I lived too far away & DH was still alive so we went just after Christmas for a few days. But that day was magic despite being "woken" at 5.30 (I was awake & could hear him saying "Nanny are you awake" & DD trying to keep him quiet !!!!)

Only you can really decide this matter.You know how you will feel with your ex in the room, we don't.If it is so bad, I would have thought that your daughter may have staggered the visits, you on Christmas Day, and your ex ( her Father ?) the next day.
Be honest with your DD about it rather than endure a horrible day.?

Agree with above, go, and armed with a glass of fizz, absent yourself when the ex pops in. Be the bigger person, say hello and then give him some time with the family while you go off and chop veg, have a lie down, watch the Christmas film whatever is appropriate at the time. I had an acrimonious split 30+ years ago and next saw ex at DDs wedding 3 years ago. Stayed civil, said hi, even a cheek kiss, then busied myself with other things. No chit chat, but no nastiness either.

You should go, enjoy your family Christmas and when he turns up just take a long hard look and think how much better off you are without him. Don't let him stop you from enjoying your GCs first Christmas.

You will regret not sharing your DGC's first Christmas, and your ex is only 'popping in' you say, not there for the whole day.

Look your best, but disappear into the kitchen/bedroom/wherever if you really can't bear him.
Otherwise smile and don't give him the advantage over you of making you change your plans.

I agree with shortlegs and craftycat.
I went through a few difficult years when ex was with the woman who contributed to the breakup. I managed to be civil eg at christenings but it was hard going.
Then he rediscovered and married an old friend from uni. We'd almost lost touch though still exchanged C cards.
Now we really are good friends - sharing GCs and school runs etc - and he hosts a lovely extended family boxing day gettogether.
Go, relax, cope in your own way and maybe one of these days it will no longer be a trial to be endured.
Good luck - it can be done.

You should certainly go and enjoy the day with your DD & DGC it is the first of many occasions where you will both be invited,Christenings/Birthdays/etc so get your best dress on and enjoy.

Go and enjoy the day explain to your daughter you will disappear while ex is there it will give you time to catch up on gransnet !

Why let him control your life and your pleasure in your grandchild? It's unlikely that you'll be able to avoid him forever so get dressed up and go and show him you're better off without him.

there is only ONE first Christmas with your grandchild, grab it and enjoy it. Then go somewhere warm!

I agree with what people are saying. I think you should go and make the most of your baby's first Christmas. If he's only popping in then that will be such a small part of your day, you won't even remember it later on.

*your daughter's baby, rather. Oops!

Remember this is the first Christmas you are having to face this situation but, there will probably be many more. Your daughter is obviously aware of how you feel and, you could find that if you jump ship this year an invitation to spend subsequent Christmas days with your family may not be forthcoming. When he arrives, make yourself busy and act graciously.

For one day,smile sweetly and enjoy the day. After all it's about the baby and its'your Grandchilds 1st Christmas. Not worth to use your DD's words cutting off your nose to spite your face.