children who emigrate / how do you cope?

You don't say which town she lives in. I live 20 miles from my daughter as its a cheaper location. People travel here in the US, it's a way of life and the roads are good, mainly. Maybe you could look at locating yourselves im a cheaper area and treat it like a holiday where you can meet up or visit. Maybe you could rent an apartment where you could all meet up. Just a suggestion. It took me a while to get used to traveling more than 5 miles as everything was on hand!

Newatthis
I replied to your message but I must have done something wrong as it went to the top of the page and you may not see it! Wishing you well.

Eglantine21 - how about a house swap with someone who lives near your daughter? There are a number of sites that help arrange these I'm sure.

Not me. I was replying to Newatthis! ?

My Daughter and family live in Western Australia. They have been there for just over 4 years. I've been over a couple of times, a month each time, and loved it (though not the coming away bit)
Today is my Grandsons 10th Birthday - Oh how it hurts not to be there with them. Don't usually get low but it is hitting hard today. Will be Skyping later just hope I hold it together.

So many sad stories. We are all trying very hard in our own ways to deal with missing our families. Some days we feel positive and other days not. We don't own our children. An update on how I feel since I first opened this topic.... much the same unfortunately. A lot of health problems here and felt I needed support but thankfully, my family members here were a great support. I know my daughter who emigrated loves me and that I am so lucky to know that as some of the members here do not have that comfort. My heart goes out to them. I think of you all quite often when I feel down so please try and fill your lives with people who make you feel good

? to all like Jordana with sons and daughter living so far away, it must be hard, knowing how much you love each other, but distance keeping you apart.

Yes its hard especially today as my daughter is in hospital again about to have a fourth operation with a fifth still to go.

My Son left for the far east two months ago and I thought I was prepared for it. Not so, I feel devastated some days are better than others I have an amazing daughter and two wonderful Grandchildren who live five minutes away. But I feel so list my Son is my rock I have a husband but things haven't always been good. My Son moved back in with us about five years ago. I realise that I'm selfish and my Son has a career opportunity that he wouldn't be able to have here (unfortunately) my Doctor advised antidepressants I'm trying my hardest not to go that rouye. I've read the writeups on here and feel sad for them. I just wish I could feel different My son is happy He sends text messages and also for a couple of days he could get Skype thank you Gransnet for this forum

Sorry you are feeling so down Linda but your son probably wont stay there forever, go and visit him and have a nice holiday.

Silverlining, so sorry about your dd. You must be so worried. She will be in my prayers.

Linda, my heart goes out to you, too. But I agree with Yoga. I hope you can arrange to visit ds (dear son) soon.

Jordana, it was nice of you to update us. It's interesting that you're writing to us about the same time as last year. Could it be because Christmas is so near? xx

Jordana, I meant to say maybe the feelings get worse as Christmas comes near? Perhaps you feel even lonelier for your long distance family then?

Any chance of a visit in either direction this Christmas?

I'm still here and reading all the posts, nodding along at all the familiar stories and sadness.
I'm on my annual visit to US to see one son wife and grandchildren. Ten days this time and staying with them as they have extended the house. But they have been at work 7 out of the ten days and I just feel like a nuisance some of the time getting in the way of their busy schedule and hectic
childrens activities. Not sure I will do it the same way again, will probably stay in a hotel next year. It doesn't help that daughter in law is aloof and not particularly interested in a relationship of any sort with me. Feeling very sad though as I won't see my son for another 12 months.
Another son in Far East and his wife having a baby in December. This is the son I have talked about before over the years and my sadness that it is all about spending time with his wife's parents and not bothering to visit our side of the family much. Nothing has changed but I decided not to rock the boat and "have it out with him" as some suggested on this site. Can't bear to cause a rift and see him any less than I do. When we do occasionally do FaceTime he is perfectly pleasant and doesn't seem to have any need to speak to me often. Very hurtful but I'm just learning to live with it.

Posted before I had finished my long post!
It's always worse at this time of year, the lead up to Christmas. I jus have to remember that every family is different. It's not what I would have chosen, but my children are now adults with their own choices to make.
my lovely stepdaughters around the corner are still producing babies so there is some compensation! I have to add that they are both horrified by the attitude of aloof daughter in law and Far East son. I think it is because their mum died when they were young and they would love to have a mum to visit.

Storynanny very wise to not 'rock-the-boat

Yes probably since the shops are starting to display christmas cards and all the trimmings etc it sort of makes me sad to think on the family times we all had in the past. I am coming to terms with the situation and realise that time moves on and I have to enjoy the moments I have with my family here and " live for the moment". That's not to say it is easy for me and for anyone else who is in similar situations, some may accept it easier and sooner than others. The hope I wish for others is that they find contentment in what they have rather than what they don't have and to remember that I, and others, will think of them

Just a wee extra thought I had in bed and had to get up to post it! I had started my family tree years ago ( a hobby you can start and stop easily) and have started it up again, my logic being that I may not see my descendants in Canada much, but I can certainly trace my ancestors and imagine their lives and know they had not an easy life. I also get comfort in building both sides of my tree and hope my descendants can get a picture of their grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc and also great grandparents . I add as much info as I can about their work and places they lived to pad the stories out a bit. It may be of interest and a thought that someone could start their tree also. I think I can go back to bed now!

I'm not surprised, jordana, that you're affected by the sight of Christmas Cards, etc. People often miss their loved ones more around this time of year, I think, if they're at a distance.

The family tree sounds like a good idea. Are you doing it online or have you thought of that? I have a cousin that did that. Then you can even give dd and family the website and know that (maybe) they're looking at the same thing you are occasionally.

Storynanny, I agree with Yoga that you are wise not to "rock the boat" with Far East ds and dil. Any chance that you'll get to meet the new baby in person? If not, I'm sure you'll see him/her on FaceTime. Congratulations on the coming grandbaby either way!

As for the current situation, are there any activities you can find to do for yourself when ds and family are all out of the house? A nearby library, shops to browse, anything? I agree that next time, you'll be better off in a hotel, no matter how big their home is. Perhaps you should shorten the visit, too, in the future, so you can go home and back to your own life sooner? I know you travel a long way, but maybe cut it down to a week?

Meanwhile, I hope you can focus on enjoying what you do have - a lovely relationship with nearby dss and their families, whatever time you get with your ds' family in US and ft with your ds in Far East and, hopefully, in time, the new gc. Not all is as you wish, I know. But in many ways, you are blessed.

Jordana Hope you got back to sleep last night and thanks for sharing your thoughts. My D is doing our family tree right now and it is very interesting. I watched Ruby Wax in 'who do you think you are' last night, it was very moving!
Yes, this time of year starts churning up the emotions more than usual. This month is when my dad died unexpectedly and it's my estS birthday, next month my estD birthday and the 5th anniversary of my being 'cut out' of my beloveds lives, then Xmas not forgetting Halloween, which is all about the kiddies.

Forgive me if I sound rude Yogagirl, but that's a pretty shitty time of the year then. Can you go away? I find disappearing to another part of the world is my best option when I reach my bad time of the year.

Hello Eglantine thought you were going to have a go at me then, as some do on here, I held my breath to read lol
I have my nice daughter & baby granddaughter, so wouldn't leave them at Xmas time. My ND is suffering the same as me, as she was very close to her little sister, she was cut out 2months after me and then slowly over the year, the rest of my estD family, only my Son left in her life, as far as we know to date. He would only visit from London a couple of times a year, so I suppose nasty s.i.l could put up with that, as apposed to us living a stones throw away! But for all we know he could now be 'out' too.

I had to get up in the night, as I would for the first few years when this first happened, just to get the sad thoughts out of my head. This will be the 6th Xmas without my beloveds. All those years that should have been happiness & joy , instead turned into grieving, black thoughts and deep, deep unhappiness Just because my nasty s.i.l [GD stepdad] & his mother were jealous of my love for my D&GC and their love for me!

Sorry I've taken it off track a bit from emigration of loved ones, but same sort of sad separation issues, and I was the daughter living aboard with my first born, many years ago!

So many sad stories - I find it heartbreaking just reading them. We all know deep down skyping can sometimes make things worse. I think this is always trotted out as a solution and its not really. You can see them but can't hug them and a hug means so much especially from a grandchild.
And how many grandparents have the good health and indeed the money to keep travelling to the other side of the world. So sadly you just have to accept it for what it is. I live alone, my daughter lives 300 miles away and I visit often. She has no family but I still miss her after over 20 years. I am ok leaving her, but when she leaves here after Ch--- I always cry (after she's gone). My son and family live in the same area as me and though I'm not particularly close to him I adore my grandchildren and see as much as I can of them. Yes sadly you just have to cope with the hand life has dealt you, good or bad.