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daughter in law problems

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whereamI555 Tue 01-Nov-16 18:42:05

I have a daughter in law who will not give and inch when it comes to Christmas. In the 10 years she and our son have been married we have never had a Christmas Day meal with them and our grandson. We ask them each year but she insists they want to spend the day at home so our grandson can play with his new toys. But she has accepted invites to her parents. Last year she invited them to their house for Christmas lunch. We have never had an invitation. I don't know why. She and her mother seem to organise Xmas months in advance without even considering us. She has a brother with family and they spend Boxing day with all her family nearly every year too. We never get a look in. I feel unable to tackle her head on and our son doesn't see it from our view. We only have one grandson and her parents have 3 who are older. If we were to tackle the problem we will be made to be the ones trying to cause trouble but we are just wanting to be given a chance to spend Christmas with all our family. any ideas?

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agnurse Wed 12-Jun-19 04:58:16

In many families it isn't reasonable for Christmas to be "shared" or "alternated".

When I was little, we never saw Dad's parents at Christmas. It's 360 miles from where I grew up to his parents' home, and the weather was often poor (snow, and lots of it). My parents didn't feel safe driving that distance with six young children in winter. So we went for Easter.

We have never spent a Christmas with my ILs. We are in Canada and they are in the UK. DSD and I only get two weeks off at Christmas. Hubby only gets two weeks of vacation for the entire YEAR. Plus DSD spends Christmas Eve at her mum's (part of the custody arrangement). Not to mention flights at Christmas are very expensive. It simply isn't feasible for us to be there for Christmas.

Clinging to Christmas being all about THE day and insisting on "fairsies" is likely to result in animosity and an unwillingness to spend ANY time together at Christmas.

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Smileless2012 Wed 12-Jun-19 16:39:07

When geographical distance isn't an issue it's understandable for one set of in laws never gets to see their AC and his/her family for Christmas, and the other set always do.

What can lead to animosity is when there isn't any fairness.

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