DIL problems that I don't get

Marmark1 and Wot me too. Lovely pick just like mine. Dogs are a life saver for people living on their own.

I suffer from dog owners who think their dogs are wonderful and let them near me. I'm scared. It takes all kinds to make up the world and it should be recognised by all. A dog walk in the park is my idea of hell.

This is by far the most caring, helpful reply so far. Most of the replies have been very judgemental and not at all helpful.

I don't understand why it has to be a case of love me, love my dogs at a family gathering. Why risk damaging an already fragile relationship for a few hours without your pets.

No, I don't like dogs or cats, couldn't have an animal in my home, but if you have a beloved pet try to understand that they're not always welcome in other people's homes and unless you are absolutely meticulous in pet hygiene, your home may not always be a very pleasant place to visit for someone who doesn't like animals around them.

My sister loves her cats. I love my sister. I tolerate the smell in her home sometimes and put up with the cat hairs on my black trousers,etc, etc, crikey I even talk to the cats as though they're human like she does, but I don't like them. I think I'm a stable person, no mental issues ever diagnosed, but I don't like animals and would never invite someone to bring a dog to my home.

grannygranby's daughter is fed up of her brother's family coming to her house at Xmas. She is the one who needs to tell them that.

grannygranby wants a good relationship with her DGCs. She needs to fit in with their parents' wishes.

That's all there is to it.

I was talking about Azie09's post when I pointed out that her post was the most helpful, caring reply to grannygranby. I think most replies have been very judgemental and not at all helpful.

People with dogs just do not understand those who don't like them. My lovely book group ladies all have dogs and they all, also, know that I do not like the proximity of canines as I am very allergic to them. They give me asthma, sometimes severe attacks, and they make my skin rise in red weals and hives. Nevertheless, the dogs make a bee-line for and slobber all over me. The ladies' reaction? 'Ah, he likes YOU!'

I should respect your DIL's feelings. It is a small price to pay for access to the beloved GC.

what a lot of fuss over dogs, really.

Jalima
Its pure selfishness and this is a disease that is spreading.
There are times I just don't want to walk out the door into this changing world.

As someone already said, the dogs are being made the focus of the problem when really it must be more than that.

Who are these selfish doggie people.I would never take mine to anyone else's house unless they specifically invited him,even then I probably wouldn't take him,on the odd times I have,I keep him in my arms. I don't expect everyone to like him either.
But he is a family pet,he's very much part of the family,and luckily he's well loved by most.
If you don't like animals,fine,it's a free country,but all animals should be respected,they deserve to a life free from abuse,just like the rest of us.
The problem here is not the dog,that's for sure.
And incidentally Mary whatsit? Sorry forgot name,but your MIL lived with you for 16 years,did you get on,if you did give us some tips please.

This isn't about dogs! There are deeper issues. "...drove 60 miles and they were out..". That’s terrible. I would have been so upset. A "pow wow" as our family call them is definitely needed.
Write down why you're upset. It's cathartic if nothing else - good luck!

Marmark1
I completely agree. I have been invited many times to stay with relative who has young children and my dogs are welcome. However I am not comfortable taking my dogs to someone else's house where young children live.
This problem is not about dogs and most likely about DIL

I am so sad reading this, I know relationship with a DiL can be difficult & I can't offer any advice as I get on so well with my DiL, I'm so glad we have a good relationship but I also know my DD puts her OH (same sex marriage) first before me although I am much loved Nanny to my DGS.

As to dog situation my DD has a lovely small dog but he gets over-excited when any-one visits so he is put into his dog cage until I or other visitors have settled in. Also if here are other children visiting he is often in his cage, one friends child will stand over the dog which he hates - child is being trained not to do this

I do hope OP can sort the relationship with DiL out so they may see more of DGC but wonder if relationship with their DD is also part of the problem

Like JackieBee1, I don't think the main issue is the dogs.

It's a very complex situation, I think you should try and have a conversation with your DIL alone try and find out what's she's got against you. It's so sad that some DIL are difficult when all you want to do is enjoy there company and see your gc.
It makes me wonder what's gone on in her life before she met your son and then was introduced to you.

I understand. My daughter doesn't like dogs round her kids. We have trained our dog to use a dog cage and the vet explained the dog likes it as it is his safe territory.
Could u write a carefully worded letter ( where u have time to think first) explaining you understand they don't want to be near dogs, but it would be nice for the grandkids and everyone to have a festive meal in neutral territory. Is there a place between you and theirs where you could all meet up for a couple hours minus dogs, have a meal and give the kids their pressies, either a few days before or after Xmas and make a firm booking somewhere. That's the only way to guarantee a festive treat for all. And you could do it every year!

I must admit there may well be other issues but you do appear to be constantly forcing the issue. Pointing out the dogs in the garden suggesting everyone goes for a walk with the dogs, insisting the girls would like the dogs & finally saying it will have to be approached bit by bit. Your son appears to share his wife's view. It might be worth just respecting there wishes and sharing time together

Just a thought , but I wonder how she gets on with her own family?

Dog lovers think it must be about more than dogs. After all it can't be just about dogs. Umm, yes it can. The parents don't want to put their children at risk. Any dog can snap. It's part of being a dog. One little snap is just a warning to another dog. One little snap takes a toddlers nose off. Why on earth would a loving grandparent want to take that risk? Perhaps the OP can tell me why?

When I was nine I was stroking my aunt's dog. It was putting it's head back as if really enjoying it. Then it snapped and bit me on the face. One tooth caught my nose and the other caught the corner of my eye. There was so much blood.I have never been happy near dogs since. My four year old granddaughter has a fear of dogs since one barked at her when in her buggy at the park. I'm just saying, people have the right to keep their children away from dogs.

Seems it is only me who thinks DIL is using the dogs as a convenient way to avoid the Christmas visit.

I'm not a dog lover but can tolerate a visit to a home with dogs .... I just avoid them etc!!! Though I did have a real problem with a friends Great Dane .... But the owners used to put him in the kitchen or somewhere. He was massive and would jump up!

Lots of DILs can be very awkward and difficult! You have to be one step ahead and expect the unexpected. I find it unbelievable that they were out on a pre arranged visit .... That's just plain mean!

So chin up, continue to go and visit them and perhaps get a summer house where the dogs can go during visits. There's got to be a compromise and clearly it's not going to come from the DIL.

GOOD LUCK

Mixing children that aren't used to being in a house with dogs, with dogs who aren't used to having small children around much.. eeeeyeah..

When my DD was small we went out for a walk with a "nice" dog who the owner thought was well behaved, but lived with adults not children, once off the lead it bit my DD.

I did make sure my DDs knew how to behave aroud dogs and they spent time with dogs that were used to children, but I think I agree with your DIL on this one.

Why is it so important that the dogs HAVE to go on the walk? wouldn't it be nicer to have all of your attention on your GCs if you went out for a walk.

I think things sound very 2 ways here, you say she's hostile to you, but you disliked her from the very first impression of her, and it's likely she's picked up on this. I think you're digging your heels is/making things complicated more than she is in this instance.

l live alone with my dog and 2 cats and if I was in your position I wouldn`t let your DIL anywhere near your dogs as they can pick up on people who don`t like them.As for her teaching her children not to like dogs she might as well go and live in one of the Asian countries where she would fit in better.Your son may be too timid to speak up for you, if that is so he needs to man up.Do you really need all that hassle in your life, also animals are a great comfort to anyone who tends to get depressed.Enjoy yourself at Christmas with your animals, that`s what I will be doing.

I don't like dogs so wouldn't have taken my children to a house with dogs either. Like others here I wonder if there is another underlying issue for your DiL that you don't know about. You could ask your son but he may feel unable to divulge anything personal about his wife.
Rather than fret and hassle over it, book yourself into a singles hotel for Christmas and go and enjoy yourself, let the rest of them just get on with it!