Grandaughter

A very sad situation,*diamondsgirl*, no wonder you're so upset.
Is your DGD close to any other member of the family? Who is she living with now? Maybe you could contact that person and ask them to join with you in trying to repair the relationship.
I agree with the point of being patient, and giving it time.

I wonder how many mid-20 people have a close relationship with their grandparent.

My eldest 3 greandchildren are approaching this age. We were very close when they were young but now I see them only when I visit DD or DS. We don't contact in between times. I think this is a natural progression of how families work.

Maybe, because you had such a close relationship when she was younger, you have too high expectations now. Try not to be hurt, giver her space and leave the door open without in anyway judging her.

I think your GD should realise that you too are grieving, not just her. She is an adult not a child and she cannot put all the weight on to your shoulders. You already have to deal with DH's death and how you are going to cope without him. I guess with time she will come round. Just let her know that you will be happy when she does visit again. It sounds as though she is reeling from one relationship that was off and is now on, followed by a permanent loss of Grandfather and she is struggling with it. Maybe she does not dare to get close to anyone at the moment because of the fear of losing them too....especially if they are old. Too much pain involved.

Flossieturner I agree with you about the older grandchildren not having so much contact, I think this is inevitable, I only saw my dear granny on family visits in my late teens. It is hard especially when you have had the care of them as babies and toddlers.

diamondsgirl if you are able to ask DD if there is a problem I would might help to set your mind at rest.

Carol1ne63 I am sorry to hear of your situation but please please keep those lines of communication open. My first husband made me alienate all my family and friends. Any form of perceived criticism from anyone ended in him rowing with me. Maybe your DD is between a rock and a hard place herself. When I finally had had enough I had nowhere to turn. I know it's hard and thankless but please try to be there for her. It may not be all her fault.

Your dgd has had a difficult time, but so have you. You are speculating-nothing more-on what could have caused her behaviour towards you. Maybe it's depression. Maybe not. Maybe she's traumatised by her life experience. Maybe not. You have no way of knowing, and with respect, you are overthinking it, imho.

She's a grown woman capable of making decisions, and rationalising her behaviour. If she has depression, she is capable of getting herself to a GP for treatment. If she has other issues which need resolving, it is up to her to resolve them. And I think you may just be coming across as needy, which she may find off-putting.

It sounds to me as though she may well just have a busy life full of work and friends. Unfortunately this may mean that you've fallen off the radar, which may be a temporary thing, or it may equally mean a gradual and natural pulling away.

Whatever the reasons, you are not responsible for her well-being, and I think perhaps you need to stop investing in her quite as much as you appear to be doing, and look after yourself.

When my mum died my son was 6yrs old 11 months later my step-dad died they were very close . My son became very off hand and nasty to me hardly spoke and was very cheeky he was ok at school and with my oh and freinds it came to head one evening when I got upset and to my shame cross with him but it was best thing that happened
He got upset and it turned out he was worried that I was going to die and leave him like they had grief affects people in many ways hope it all turns ok for you all .

Diamond

I don't agree that you're overthinking this but I suspect you have been unable to talk through this complex situation and so it's going round and round in your head.
I do agree with a Christmas card message of "always here for you"
Yes, she's a 26 year old adult but she's also a grieving child inside and that is what you're responding too, quite naturally. Comments that you're just bothered for yourself are shallow. Ignore them.
My perception is that yes DGD can't face coming to your house because it's where her darling granddad died, but also I suspect she is deeply distressed that you do seem to be able to stay there. She may wrongly be subconsciously thinking you aren't missing DH (enough) and her circular private thoughts are negative about you.
Finally, and this is very difficult, she might be pushing you away as a misguided form of self protection. She can't face being close to another person who's going to leave her/die like everyone else she's loved.
Knowing how deeply you love her, I understand why you want to help her, indeed may feel you have an ongoing responsibility to help her.
Sadly, I think there's little you can do beyond the "I'm here" message until she gets help from someone outside the situation.