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We talk less, should I worry?

(39 Posts)
SunnySusie Mon 19-Dec-16 08:58:37

Do you ever find yourself running out of things to say when you are on your own with your DH? We are retired and have been together for over thirty years, but seem to have run out of conversations. I would be interested to hear what others in the same boat feel. Do you still find plenty to chat about? I cant work out if I should be concerned about this or not.

Judthepud2 Mon 19-Dec-16 16:13:49

My DH has always been a believer in talking only if you have something important to say. Having been into desktops and then laptops for about 40 years (he was early into microprocessing, it was his job) he is normally to be found glued to the internet. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I am also now to be found glued to my iPad. Companionable silence most of the time when we are on our own. Well we have been together more than 45 years.

When there is something to talk about, we do. Generally amicably.

paddyann Mon 19-Dec-16 16:55:10

we've worked together since before we were married ,so spent a lot of time together,Maybe thats why we have so much to talk about,43 years in July we've been together and a year before that whhen I was his boss...lol

Soniah Mon 19-Dec-16 17:09:34

Whatever suits you is fine. We still talk quite a bit, on a range of subject, family, friends, politics, theatre, various groups we belong to, some together some apart. We walk together but also belong to a weekly walking group and usually walk with other people then. We have some shared and some separate interests so there is always something to chat about. Having said that we also have our separate spaces, my studio and his office, so don't spend all our time together. I've always thought it important to have some separate interests and friends, then hopefully if something happens to one of you you could cope better.

hopeful1 Mon 19-Dec-16 17:36:55

My late husband, we were married 27 years, could talk a subject to the enth degree, bored me rigid. My partner now of 10 years hardly speaks at All! I must say the quieter one is easier to live with. We have our own interests and are very comfortable with each others silence. Our best chats are out walking, but that's about it. I love the way we are, very relaxed.

Nanna58 Mon 19-Dec-16 17:58:12

DH not a chatter, often we are quietly companionable, although I chat often with friends and family. HOWEVER, have often 'lost' him for a while only to find him talking 19 to the dozen with a neighbour- perhaps after 37 yrs he's said everything to me!

Luckygirl Mon 19-Dec-16 18:07:48

Skweek1 - I can identify with your comments. OH is fairly quiet, but if you ask him question you NEVER EVER get a straight or simple answer. He has an obsessional scientific brain and wants everything exact. I have been known to ask him a question and preface it with "You have got one sentence in which answer this and no more!"

It is difficult with the little GC as they ask him something and get answers that are so convoluted that they do not have a hope in hell of understanding. I finish up saying "Do you really think they can understand that?" He will say to our 19 month old things like "You must not do that or you will cause a surfeit of mess." Just say no in a firm and kindly voice!!!

He is getting worse as he gets older. Sigh.

suzied Mon 19-Dec-16 18:56:27

My OH never a uses one word when 25 will do... Sounds quite a common phenomenon.

morethan2 Tue 20-Dec-16 06:32:15

My husband of 42 years can spend hours and hours on u tube watching people driving stupidly. It really does pissmeoff annoy me. I've threatened to confiscate his tablet. What's worse he'll sometimes want to show me what he's watching If I need to talk about somthing important or just want to rekindle our relationship then we generally go for a long walk. As somone touched on I think his deafness has had a massive impact on his social skills.(he has had a hearing loss all his life)

Luckylegs9 Tue 20-Dec-16 07:02:20

It is a standin joke when I go out with girl rounds, you look round the restaurant and you can tell the married couples, the font talk. On a recent flight of over 4 hours, the married couple next to me never exchanged one word. But they are there for each other, so it must be just that after so many years and you are together 24/7 companiable silence is the norm. My husband and I never stopped talking, that was because we both worked and had other interests, who knows if that woukd have stopped if he had retired. I wouldn't worry Sunny, he sound absolutely normal. I bet if you did the dance of the 7 veils in front of him, he would have something to say.

joannewton46 Tue 20-Dec-16 15:34:52

My other half has long said he loves me being there to not talk to. No, I don't have a problem with that.

TriciaF Tue 20-Dec-16 15:49:37

One of my favourite songs:
www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/billyjoel/justthewayyouare.html
He did change his mind about that one though wink.

aggie Tue 20-Dec-16 17:03:08

OH is losing his voice , I turn down the. TV to make out what he is saying , this pm he found the breath to yell at me to not turn it down cos he wanted to watch it and I slammed out . Had to creep back to turn it up for him ,

pollyanna56 Wed 21-Dec-16 12:56:28

We have been together for 44 years, but do still have a lot to say to each other, but also do have companionable silences. As for the issue with the TV, buy another TV? then you can each watch what you want - works for us. I am disabled, but my husband helps out a lot with friends [hosp appts, gardening etc] so we still end up with lots to converse about. My husband does not 'do' computers so we do not have an issue there, but if there was I would get a laptop, or tablet.