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(71 Posts)
flamenco Fri 06-Jan-17 10:43:35

Am I being unreasonable? My partner of eight years has decided we should move to his home town Newcastle. When I first met him I said that I couldn't live up there, he agreed it was very cold and he didn't want to go there either, until now! I have said I don't want to go. My daughters live in Australia my son outside Manchester. My brother cousin old friends all live in the South, I know nobody up there, and I really don't like it and can find no positives. We have a tiny place in Spain and live there for some weeks of the year. We are no longer young and the thought of moving so far north scares me quite a lot.

gillybob Fri 06-Jan-17 10:51:42

I wouldn't come up here if I were you flamenco. You are right there really are no positives whatsoever. wink

Wendysue Fri 06-Jan-17 10:53:36

No, you're not being "unreasonable," IMO. You told him years ago you "couldn't live up there," so he should have expected to hear your objection.

You say he agreed with you before, so I wonder what changed his mind. Maybe he has been missing his home town, lately? Does he have family there that he would like to spend more time with? Maybe you could encourage him to visit there or invite some of them (not all at once, of course) to come and visit you and him for a few days.

But I would stick to my guns if you feel as strongly about this as it sounds. If you simply refuse to move, what can he do?

sunseeker Fri 06-Jan-17 10:56:05

Has he just made this decision without discussing it with you? Why has he suddenly decided he wants to move there? Does he have family there who he feels need his support? You really need to sit down with him and discuss what has brought this about.

janeainsworth Fri 06-Jan-17 11:21:48

Agree with gilly, dreadful place and the inhabitants are ghastly! They all speak a foreign language too and keep coal in the bath grin

Antonia Fri 06-Jan-17 11:29:29

This reminds me of a comment on a Victoria Wood programme. "We must apologise to our viewers in the must be awful for you." But seriously, no you are not unreasonable. Both partners should agree on a location when moving house. Moving is so stressful anyway and it would be much worse if you don't even want to go.

Jayanna9040 Fri 06-Jan-17 12:50:57

When my daughter went to meet her prospective in- laws up there I got a frantic text saying "Mum, mum, cannot understand a word they are saying." She loves it now and I love visiting.

Riverwalk Fri 06-Jan-17 13:00:16

the thought of moving so far north scares me quite a lot.

What are you scared of?

Ana Fri 06-Jan-17 13:04:57

All you can do is make it clear to him that you really don't want to move. Perhaps after eight years he thinks he can persuade you.

janeainsworth Fri 06-Jan-17 13:30:35

The gloomy scene in Newcastle. View from Pret A Manger, Grainger St

Anya Fri 06-Jan-17 13:40:04

Don't be put off by all the piss taking flamenco stick to your guns. You're right it's a frightful place, the accent is unintelligible, and there's a ruddy great ugly iron statue that says it all. And it's cold and foggy (there's even a song about that) and all the men look like Jimmy Nail and swig extra strength beer.

paddyann Fri 06-Jan-17 13:40:33

living in Scotland I dont think Newcastle is too far north,and to be honest its not nearly as cold/wet etc as the media would have you believe,there are also the same shops and access to transport as in "the south" why not give it a try ,you might find you like it.We had a beautiful sunny ,blue sky day yesterday no snow to be seen ,it was the same last winter when my cousin visited for the first time from Canada ,he expected us to be knee deep in snow like his hometown was when he left foor the visit to us and was very surprised how mild and bright it was ,and how GREEN it was in midwinter

Ana Fri 06-Jan-17 13:43:03

Anya! grin

Do they still sell Newcastle Brown? You used to be able to get it in pint bottles in my youth...

annsixty Fri 06-Jan-17 13:46:40

You will need a flat cap and a whippet on a lead as well. Also learn how to make pease pudding.
Seriously if it is family you will miss, fair enough and you need deep discussion, but don't write off the north, the people are lovely and friendly and the scenery breathtaking.

Elegran Fri 06-Jan-17 13:55:12

Why not take a few days City Break in Newcastle - DH might find it has changed so much he doesn't want to live there any more. You might find it is a vibrant city filled with lovely welcoming people.

TriciaF Fri 06-Jan-17 13:58:48

No, I wouldn't go, Flamenco. I'll take your place ( if your partner would have me wink.
Seriously - you don't know what you would be missing, plus a lovely clean coastline just a short way along the Metro.

Elegran Fri 06-Jan-17 14:02:49

And if you consider Newcastle the far benighted North, you could wonder what the attraction is that brings so many people to Edinburgh, even further from "civilisation" - but has just been voted Britain's greenest city with 49.2% green space.
Ten top -

Anya Fri 06-Jan-17 14:06:44

Now if he'd suggested HULL............shock

Riverwalk Fri 06-Jan-17 14:10:25

Anya grin I'm sure he wouldn't be that cruel!

Welshwife Fri 06-Jan-17 15:17:15

I wouldn't worry about being so far north etc and if you are one who really hates the colder weather - stock up on jumpers,thermals and leggings to wear under your trousers.
DD moved to Yorks almost two years ago - she went on her own because of work and she loves living in a village and the people are lovely and the scenery breathtaking BUT she misses friends and family and hates being so far from everyone. Also in the two years there has been a huge hike in train fares - plus it takes almost five hours so really a couple more days for any trip are needed. She is a bit nervous to drive the distance on her own as all very busy motorways. When we go to visit we stay for about a week and she still goes to work as we can happily amuse ourselves during the day.

kittylester Fri 06-Jan-17 15:25:16

Good grief Jane, I had no idea it was so awful. How do you cope? Shall we send food parcels? grin

wot Fri 06-Jan-17 15:31:40

oMG.....I was born in Sussex (love it but house prices out of reach) live in Norfolk (no comment) and would really like to live "up North". Friendly people, impressive buildings, great shops, cheap housing. So anyone want to swap with me??!!

GillT57 Fri 06-Jan-17 15:31:41

Peter Mandelson went into a chippie up North when on the pre-election condescension hand shake run. Asked for some of 'that delicious looking guacamole'.......only to be told it was mushy peas......the horror! grin

wot Fri 06-Jan-17 15:32:51

Hull is excellent.

wot Fri 06-Jan-17 15:39:23

Bearing in mind that I have no ties here. If I did, I may feel differently. (About moving away)