Estrangement / Cut off Mum

Nina

I understand Yogagirl. Our AC don't see the future harm they are creating.
I think we just have to hope that our stamina in hanging onto those bonds keep on holding. Very hard though x

In fact God protect my estD too, once he is bored with her. Although she has been wicked in all she has done in this estrangement, she is actually a victim in all this too, as she would never have cut out her mum & sister, we all loved each other before, very much, without her nasty husband & his mother!

I agree Nina When my estD's nasty Husband kicks her out again as he is bored now with destroying her birth family & destroying her little girl, my precious granddaughter[his stepchild], where will she turn [?]

My heart bleeds for my precious GD, as she loved us as much as we loved her, she now only has stepfamily in her life,[aside from my D, her mum] they don't love her, you don't hurt someone you love, especially a little girl, God protect her!

The saddest thing, well the cause of my frustration anyway, is that we can't save our AC from themselves let alone the grandchildren. The cold war that will eventually land on them is worrying. They've made themselves orphans and I don't know how they will fair once they're in their 50's, life has bashed them a few times, their own kids turn round and say 'sorry but you showed us that we don't owe you a thing' and then they've got no history or family to anchor to in mid life when life has a habit of just turning up and getting real. Oh boy, are they going to wish they had a mum.

Madgran Unfortunately there are a few threads now on this same subject and the same posters, I have just copied my posts on another just now, as answering the same question, so maybe your posts are on another

Actually ...I'm a bit confused as my comment to you has disappeared but you obviously saw it Yogagirl. A couple of other posts I made today to Nina and to Norah have also disappeared. Why does that happen...anyone know?

Yogagirl I did not see the original post where Norah said it was her daughters and apologise because I did not realise that she had ever said that. However as she kept later saying that it was the SILs your comments did seem to come over as deliberately provoking..again I apologise if that was not your intention.

I do understand the frustration with the posts ...as I said I do not agree with a lot of what Norah says. |And all 4 SILs being estranged, does seem somewhat perculiar!!!

Regarding not being an estranged GP but posting on the thread, I am not one either but I do have worries about the potential for it to happen and I do have huge sympathy for those now in the position.

Sorry to be so mean to you Starlady this morning,I did feel bad after but it is strange how Wendysue disappeared the same time as you appeared

Very well said Nina and I second all that you said

Starlady, no problem.

Norah, you're an antagonist and I suspect this is why all of your sons have cut their own mothers out to please their wives brought up by you.

When a mother or father alienates their child against the other parent, it harms the child in the end. There is plenty of evidence to support this fact. Denigration fed or demonstrated through the child HURTS THE CHILD.

Cutting a child off from knowing half of it's gene pool, heritage line and roots is HARMING THE CHILD!

The day is coming when courts will see this and you will then recognise the part you have played.

I feel sorry for you Norah that you have to come onto this thread to comment as you do. But make no mistake, it's the child that gets hurt. They need to be a part of all their family wherever it's safe to do so and as cutting someone off is more often than not a spiteful act, it's the child that loses out far more than anyone else.

You're part of the damage, not part of the cure. Worse still, I suspect you enjoy wearing the crown.

Below copied for you Maggiemay

Well I will except your apology Madgran because if you care to scroll back to when Norah first mentioned about her 4Daughters not having there m.i.l's in their lives, Norah clearly said it was her Ds that did the cutting out! Afterwards she backtracked as she could see it sounded bad, but initially she did say it was her Ds doing the 'cutting out'. There are some posters who enjoy scrolling back over post, even 4yrs back, to copy & paste the original post in question, but I'm happy to say I am not one of them.
Norah is not estranged from any of her AC yet is a main poster on these threads of support, making a big point of how happy her family are together, yet how her daughter's husbands have nothing to do with their mothers, all 4 of them!

I misunderstood not being estranged from sons.

However, I do have ideas. My sons in law are estranged, I think I understand.

Added to - everyone has opinions and I'm not sure this or any post has necessarily one point. Well, except celebragram's defined support post.

I am an estranged grandparent. This thread is meant for support. As you apparently are not estranged from anyone, it seems strange that you would want to constantly be giving often seriously unhelpful opinions. The only people who can understand the pain of estrangement are those in the same situation.

I defy you to show where I have given an opinion regarding other posters estrangement from their AC. I would never do that. I am too busy counting my blessings that I am not in that position.

Well, Rosyglow8, I don't believe I said all eps deserve to be co. I think my daughters husbands mums probably deserve to be co for not doing as their sons ask regarding rule for the children.

In public life I only hold my keeping quiet and on eggys standard to me, but I do admit I feel many people could walk eggys and shut up arguing to their children.

Why post as non-estranged? Well, you just said your ds are not estraged and you post? So? It defies logic that if you have opinions, but I'm not allowed opinions as well.

Norah, with the greatest respect, you do talk a lot of convoluted clap trap.

With every post, you make it clear that, in your opinion, all estranged parents have deserved to be cut off. That none of them have managed to live up to your unbelievably high standards. You patronise with your constant "I would never do that" lament. Well, do you know what - and despite every effort from his she devil of a wife - my son hasn't cut me off, even though I don't walk on eggshells around him, or live in fear of losing him. Why? Because I am confident in our loving honest relationship, that has survived heartbreak and pain, as well as unbelievable joy. I will never become anyone other than who I am, not even for my precious sons....and they respect me for that. I know who and what I am, as do my sons, and because they and I do, I can accept pain, in the hope that they won't have to.

Can you tell me why, since you are not estranged, and have all the answers for those who are....why the hell are you on this thread on a daily basis?

I think starlady has a good thesis here "many posters come in here and say, "I never thought it would happen to me but...?" That's why I can't imagine deliberately doing anything that might damage my relationship with dd and sil. And that includes defending the other mil/granny if ever she were being cut out."

It strikes me counter-intuitive to purposefully upset your own children. To what purpose?

Nina, looking back at my comment to you, I see that all I said was that I felt you were still "bitter" Imo, that's very understandable and I didn't mean it in any negative way. You didn't seem to take it badly either, and explained that it isn't bitterness after all.

I totally appreciate your explanation and that you took the time to make it. You didn't have to, of course. This means something to me because, as Iv said before, I have friends who are estranged from their ac. And because, as a few people have mentioned here on GN, "it could happen to any of us."

Smileless, I know what you mean about "fragile" relationships. Tba, I don't feel as if my relationship with my dd is fragile since we get along well most of the time, etc. Still, seeing how many people are estranged from their ac, both here and in rl, it's always in the back of my mind these days. I don't think it will happen to me, but how many posters come in here and say, "I never thought it would happen to me but...?" That's why I can't imagine deliberately doing anything that might damage my relationship with dd and sil. And that includes defending the other mil/granny if ever she were being cut out (which I don't see happening either, I'm happy to say).

So I guess one could say, while I don't have a sense of my relationship with dd being "fragile," I do have a sense of parent/ac relationships being fragile in general. And that scared me a bit, I admit.

Please don't state opinions as facts, Yoga. I never said I was WendySue. You think that, I imagine, because I'm one of those mothers/mils/gms who sometimes veer from the line of "It's all the ac's or acil's fault" and Wendy did, too, I guess (Iv only read a few of her posts). And based on what your saying, apparently, you don't like people asking questions. If this is how you responded to estD and estSIL... well... idk what to think...

I agreeYoga - I believe Starlady is the former WendySue

No, Yogagirl, Norah's four sons-in-law have each cut off their mothers, as she keeps explaining. It's not the choice of her daughters.

to all of you dealing with estrangement in your families. My mother was estranged from her mother, and would not discuss it, so I have no idea why. I wouldn't have known my DGP in any case, as they died before I was born, but I (and all subsequent generations) have missed out on the simple things that connect us to our families - photos, memories, stories - and that is very sad.

I think Starlady is gathering information from us for something, that's why she askes so many questions

My estD's in-laws were the driving force, along with their son/D nasty husband, in getting all my D birth family 'cut out' they wanted to be The only ones even with my precious GD NOT being their GD/D!

Nina I tend to skip Starlady's posts as she just seems to repeat poster's posts and then add her uninformed comments, sometimes nice comments I know. She was Wendysue not that long ago and changed her name on here, don't know why

Luckylegs Norah is the mother with 4, yes 4 daughters, that have 'cut out' their m.i.ls

What a lovely post Minty Thank you