Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.

Thanks Katek only if I become incontinet not really as had problem now since last October fingers crossed waiting to hear if I can get 2nd opinion,
Thanks for interest!

Starlady sorry not got time read all post But the chief inspector wasn't giving an opinion he was quoting the law to our daughter.

Yes if we want to we can deliver presents sadly I can't face having door shut in my face again we post cards or vouchers.

Sorry starlady I should made it clear all the police we spoke to were extremely sympathetic and tried to help as much as possible even setting up mediation but sadly daughter refused.

They could understand how devastating it was for us to be suddenly cut off.

I`m feeling a bit philosphical on this rainy afternoon so here goes... I am very fortunate in that my problems are with DIL rather than blood relatives. From reading posts of Mums who have been cut off by their own children it seems to me that most of you have very good relationships with your other children, so it is a puzzle as to how 2 children who have been brought up in the same way can be so different. Very often now we hear of new discoveries about what different bits of the brain do and what different genes do, so I think it is highly likely that one day we will be able to prove that some people are just wired up to be less considerate than others. In fact I understand that quite a few adults who were thought of as "odd" or "difficult" are now being diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum.
The question is though - should you excuse someone`s bad behaviour because, in theory, they can`t help it?
Now I`ve written that I`m not even sure if it makes sense but I`d be interested in your thoughts.

I do agree with Starlady. She posted "some of the more critical comments might help a newly co gp get ideas about what they should or shouldn't do."

GPs don't always know what the opinions of their children's spouse (sil or dil) may be, so hearing what might be is a wonderful way to become knowledgeable.

I do think this is much harder on mums of daughters.

Oh yes Norah I echo that.

They say a sons a son til he takes a wife, a daughter a daughter for all of your life, mmmmsadly not.

I think eddiecat I know what you trying to say

I never had difficult relationship with my dear son, sadly it was very volatile with my daughter. I still loved her as much and to be without her tears me apart even now 8 years on I still can't believe she doesn't care about me and her dad, it goes against every instinct I have.

On different note been to 1st meeting weight management support omg i have put on several pounds in last couple weeks or maybe longer been so stressed and in pain also tablet i a. Taking slows metabolism down apparently.

Oops well having fish, sweet corn and jacket spuds for tea, followed by fresh fruit and rice.

Do hope these meetings motivate me.

Yes eddiecat is wet here now enjoyed acquacise and swam few lengths after v tired. Now, feet up read paper I think back is v painful also.

Starlady I didn't have a choice, we were rung by police and questioned over leaving gift, they wanted to come to house, I refused, bad idea as when we arrived at police station I was Arrested!

I was treated like a criminal it was horrific and interviewed under caution the policewoman was very kind.

Naturally there were no charges to press but it definitely broke my heart that my daughter who I would have laid down my life for and worked so hard no care for Twenty eight years wanted me in trouble with police!
I don't think my dh and I will ever really recover from that,

It's not question of being strong I didn't have choice.

I guess I am fairly determined strong character but thenlast eight years have taken their toll. As lucky legs says have now accepted it's the end no more we can do

The door would be slightly open if she wanted to return to her family but things could. NEver ever be the same, the trust is gone forever

Thank you Granmary

Eddiecat interesting post. Think my estD must have her dad's brain, as he walked out on us, for no good reason, other than where he worked the girls, mostly Thai & Indonesian aside from the indigenous Dutch girls, were showing him lots of interest, so it was a bachelor life for him, leaving me in a foreign country with 3 little C, my estD being only 3yrs. I always thought she was more like me though. But really I do think she has been brainwashed by her nasty H.

What an awful story Celebgran, I do remember it. I had a similar thing, when I was accused of trying to kidnap my darling GD if you remember, just because I tried, and failed to say hello, I love you, I didn't get near my GC and they didn't even see me, only my D did. The next day I had a visit from the police! unreal!, I was given a caution of an harassment order, I had to sign papers. But the policeman was really nice and sympathetic to me, I will always remember what he said It will ever be the same again sounded like he was speaking from personal experience. At the time it had only been about 4mnths, so I thought yes, it will but the policeman was dead right

So many sad stories! I'll keep reading, keep hoping and hope that all those struggling find peace and solace.

Parklife1 don't be dismayed I relayed it for starlady as we wanted to know ref police.

We are at peace and overjoyed to have wonderful son and nephew and family it will always hurt but we able enjoy life and focus on those that do love us,

You may very well get it all sorted please don't give up hope refresh e it's early days i believe, you posted when I was upset and having a break.

celebgran your arrest experience, dear me, how awful awful. I can't imagine how you and your DH feel.

What if a CO grandparents job relied on having a clear CRB?

Last night my sons father my exDH rang for a long chat, we usually avoid discussing my estDS and estDiL but he raised the issue. I got a bit upset and asked him not to say to me anymore ''it will one day resolve and we will all be friends and seeing our est DGC''.

I think hope is too painful. I think its good that grandparents reading these threads on GN see that their estAC can involve the police - to be careful and prepared, especially if any such action by estAC may affect livelihoods?

That's something I hadn't thought of Sparkly and I need to have a clear DBS.

I agree that hope is too painful. I used to entertain a fantasy that I would come home one day and find her sitting outside the house in her car with DGS. I don't any more fortunately. But there is a part of me that finds it so hard to believe that my own child could be so hard.

I'm certainly learning a lot and for that I am grateful.

Sparkly grandma I wasn't charged and I had crb check to work in school, I was worried but it came back clear

It is horrendous that I should have to worry over that though,

Well our dinner party was huge success guests just gone tired now!

Life cam be very good still but back is painful ?

Parklife to have a clear DBS or CRB ruined by AC might be the last straw for some.

celebgran glad you weren't, great your dinner party went well and sorry your back is painful.

Celebgran, I can't get over how much you've been through! I agree, there is really no coming back from that.

Glad your dinner party went well, but sorry about your back pain. Hope it feels better soon.

Sparkly, I think you're right. While it's shocking to read about parents being arrested by their own ac, it's good in a way because it helps egps know what can happen, etc.

Thank you Starlady it is best to know and perhaps be prepared, support on here is great

I am a survivor I think starlady! However without dh my wonderful son and His partner, and and being allowed to share my twin beautiful grandchildren I would be in different place. Further bonus I get on so well. Well with my nephews wife and we adore being part of their lives,

I think it could never be the same with xxx but I still hold a little hope one day my daughter will regret cutting us off. Who knows? Surely in her heart she must remember the good times? I have drawer full of cards and letters she wrote detailing her love and pride in me, it doesn't really add up.
Seems like since her marriage she morphed into a different person.

Have chased consultant secretary still no answers to my queries over letter mentioning cyst, and 7 injections but she said is trying make me appt with another consultant,

Let's hope it's not too long!
I managed acquacise again and 12 lengths but back not good!

Smilelss u gone quiet hope all ok are your unbaked at gym?

So good that you and dh have those other beautiful relationships, celeb. it makes it all the harder to understand what went wrong with ed and sil, of course.

Just hope your health issues are resolved soon.

Thanks starlady yes it does I guess we have to accept s imlaw must be a factor.
Yes i clashed with Tor especially in teenage years, but that is not uncommon
I loved her so and sure she loved me back but sometimes now if feeling low I wonder but surely all those cards and letters were t lies?

Good news! I have appt in 8 weeks with different spinal consultants sultanta t who can treat me at Ipswich hospital (shorter wait times)
Emma secretary has been so kind and helpful.

More good news going stay with our dear son In 4 weeks, ??they insist we stay there so I can use heatpad etc so kind of them. Can't wait see them again,

Despite back pain I masterminded clean up operation in bedrooms yesterday ?
Had old friends round for evening xxxxxnot demonstrative but known her over 40 years, she gave me lovely hug when they arrived and left and was so interested in all my painful saga, boy does it help, when my own daughter does t even care, it renew ps my self Esteem.

Dance tonight but mainly chat and watching ! Happy weekend all and where is t.g.i.f. Smileless ??maybe but non? For me 4lb lost now!

Not the best of weeks for me. Thanks Celeb but I haven't been to the gym this week. Thankfully my back is OK but I started with a head cold on Wednesday, spent most of Thursday in bed and still feel rough. I've had a headache and stiff and painful neck for 3 days now and although both have eased, they're still there and I don't seem to be able to shake them off.

It's very frustrating as the smallest of tasks seems to take ages. I'm looking at a pile of ironing and debating as to whether or not I've got enough energy to get it done. We were having friends over tomorrow for a meal so they could see our new house but have had to cancel.

Sorry that your back is still causing you pain Celeb and well done for keeping going. Hope you enjoy yourselves tonight.

Family and friends used to say that to us too SparklyGrandma but as time went on they stopped. Like us they simply couldn't believe what had happened, and like us, never expected it to never be resolved. We no longer talk about it with our DS, it just became too upsetting for all of us.

Smileless so very sorry wish you well

Good news I have 2nd opinion appt 28 April and May get treatment quicker.

Bad news Pain makes me very irritable today dh let go Rosie extending lead, it hit my little finger ???we had walked to shops and that's not easy for me I lost plot a afraid,

Things calmer now so afternoon rest before night out,

Weight watching going well 4lb so far, I must stick at it this time, weekly meetings Tuesday afternoon to support U.

Happy weekend all, so sorry u had cancel friends smilelss keep warm and get well very soon dearest friend xx

Smileless2012 awful to hope others who care for us dont bring it up like that. thank you for saying that.

Best when its been a long time not to 'hope' and to stop trying.

celebgran I hope something gets sorted for you - you describe briefly a 'heatpad' - what kind and is it useful?

Have a good Sunday estranged Gransnetters

Still feeling pretty rough so we went out for lunch because I haven't got the energy to cook. Not making plans to go to the gym next week as it's unlikely I'll get there and that'll just add to my frustration.

We've been here 4 months now and both love it; the house and being near the sea and yet I'm not 'myself' and would appreciate your thoughts.

I'm sleeping between 7 to 9 hours a nightand yet often feel tired. Going to the gym and exercising in general which was such a boost and blessing following our estrangement is becoming a chore. I enjoy it when I'm there, always pleased I've been when I leave but getting myself there hasn't been as easy as it was.

I'm enjoying pottering around our lovely new home, something which I hadn't done since the estrangement but still get days when I really can't be bothered.

I know I'm not depressed, I'm more content than I've been for 4.5 years so what's wrong with me? Were my expectations of our 'new life' too great and by that I mean did I sub consciously believe that the loss of our son and GC wouldn't be as significant once we'd moved away from them?

Could it be that the 4.5 years of living just doors away from them took more of an effort than I'd realised and that I'm simply allowing the fatigue that I'd kept at bay, to take over because I don't have to be that strong anymore?

Sorry for all the questions but I'm finding it all rather perplexing and frustrating and as some of you know me rather well, I'd appreciate your thoughts.