Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.

katek - may I ask how you know we have rejected the help of trained professionals? After an estrangement many of us will have suffered depression and anxiety which has led us to seek medical help. You don`t know what steps we have taken to cope with the situation.

To repeat myself - the reason we object so strongly to being accused of wallowing is that we do NOT spend every day going round with a long face saying "Poor Me". We get on with our lives. We have successful relationships, jobs, hobbies. We have even managed to keep our sense of humour. However every now and again something will happen which reminds us of our situation and that is when it is enormously comforting to be able to come on here for some support and understanding from people who will not point out to us what we are doing wrong. Invariably, after this support, we pick ourselves up again and carry on.
Perhaps this is our "safe place" but does`t everyone need one of those from time to time?

It might be hurting some to be called sad, bullies, vultures etc but we cope with a shrug.

Ummmm.... KateK

Don't know who you are addressing your remarks to but, I REPEAT , I personally am NOT estranged from my AC. However, I DO understand that 'others' suffer pain, bereavement, grief etc etc. that is the reason I support those on this thread.

Most of the regular posters on this thread support each other, irrespective.

What's hard to understand, is that when someone shows rather more vulnerability than usual, there is inevitably a poster who rarely comments just decides to drop in and makes a point that, most likely, the OP is fully aware of. Any retort is then jumped on again. Regular posters on here have been pilloried over and over - for goodness sake, give them a break!!

Why does it have to be like this?? Let people have a moan and a mutual wallow. It's cathartic. And it's hurting nobody.

I'm afraid that unless Smileless takes steps to disassociate herself publicly from the views expressed by her "support" she will find herself estranged from this son, or at least from his family who will be very hurt if they get to see some of the comments. Which they probably will on an open site. Someone's going to tell them.
But perhaps that is what the "support" would like.

A dispassionate observer of what seems to have been an unnecessary contentious situation, might note that the reason for smileless's DS and family's visit was the unforeseen death of her DiL's father and if that had not happened the family would not, at that time, have left Australia at all. Therefore any time spend with smileless was, in the circumstances, a bonus.

"Unreasonable, intransigent and intolerant" sound about right, in this respect anyway.
Wouldn't demean myself to comment on the other as that is not the issue.

Bullies? Vultures? Nasty? Can anyone explain why anyone who posts on this thread and doesn't agree 110% with the 'there, there' approach is pilloried, berated and accused of being a bully and a vulture?? I reiterate - NOBODY IS OUT TO GET YOU. You are so entrenched in your stance that you cannot/will not even contemplate any other point of view as being valid. The 'you don't understand' card is trotted out time and time again. No, we haven't lost contact with dc/dgc, but we all have our own issues-some of them pretty significant - to address. You cannot seem to see that others also hurt, suffer, are in pain psychologically, mentally and physically and that we do actually understand pain. grief and bereavement. Where is your compassion for others apart from those in the same situation? You even reject the advice of trained professionals in order to remain in your safe space. In the time I have been on GN I have not seen anybody (apart from Smileless who is actually beginning to change) moving on psychologically with their issues. You're in the same place, no journeys of self discovery have taken place. Do you want to spend the next 20 years being defined by your past instead of having a better future? Given the current state of affairs it looks like it-one of these days it will all be too late.

Just one final point - in the past amongst other things we have been accused of being unreasonable, intolerent, intransigent and even of being child abusers.

Hardly surprising if we are now a bit sensitive to criticism

I'll join you in the wallow bath Eddiecat - after I've been to Sainsburys.

To whom it may concern.....I am NOT estranged from my AC but never take anything for granted.

Interesting how some posters only appear on this thread when issues become contentious. The 'alternative' view posters clearly don't appreciate having their posts questioned

No, posters generally respond or react to posts not to contention. And nobody seems to object to having their views questioned, unlike yourselves, what they (quite reasonably) might object to is being demonised as "vultures" "nasties" and "bullies" in their earlier lives.
This is an open forum which means anybody is permitted to express an opinion.
If you want an exclusive club then say so
"Only regular members permitted"
The rest of us certainly get the message that our contributions are unwelcome, but there are more civil ways of expressing it.

odd isn`t it Fairydoll

Anyway - I can`t post anymore now - I have several hours of wallowing to catch up on and I wouldn`t like to disappoint

Stansgran, I think she did say something a bit like that. I've reread her original post. She sounded disappointed and a bit fed up with their "flakiness" but hats off to her, she'd gone off to have a nice weekend not mope around the house getting more miserable. Then the "support" started being negative and nasty about her DIL and her family. I still think it unwise to put things like "I'm not looking forward to Christmas" on an open forum. How will son and DIL react to that if they see it!

Me too Eddiecat!

Interesting how some posters only appear on this thread when issues become contentious. The 'alternative' view posters clearly don't appreciate having their posts questioned!!

Perhaps if Smileless had said how sad she was not to see her son but of course under the circumstances she understood that her son's priority was to support his wife in her grief and her sorrow at not being able to stay and help her mother then we would have been ready to sympathise.
Celeb gran I don't think that remark is worthy of you.

The regular posters on these threads are treated with a lot more leniency than those on other threads when they post abusively, though they often complain that they are not backed up by GNHQ.

Over the last few years, a number of posters who are well-known on the site for having moderate and considered approaches, and for their thoughful and non-aggressive contributions to discussions, have been greeted on these threads with abuse and hysterical accusations of being sadistics trolls glorying in the pain they can cause. Most of those "intruders" now avoid the estrangement threads in the same way that they would avoid offering assistance to an injured tiger unless they have an anaesthetic gun.

Posters who deal with the same situations in their professional lives have advised counselling, but in some cases the estranged person has already rejected the counsellors they consulted.

I give up

I think if I was Smileless I would be in tears. I , for one, admire the positive steps she has taken to reclaim her life. I did think she was unwise to post her disappointment on an open forum and I hope none of the DILs family have seen it because I think, while they are dealing with the emotions of bereavement, they could read things into they she never intended.
But the people who have taken up cudgels on her behalf! I know you're being protective but you've turned it into something really nasty. Sometimes we do need to see how it looks to people who are on the outside. I posted a dilemma on Grandsnet and it helped me get perspective when some replies said "Actually I think you're being a bit unreasonable....

"Go wallow" was in direct response to the unwelcoming attitude of the frequent posters on this group. Unwilling / unable to accept genuine offers of support from those of us who have found different ways to live with some tough and painful situations. It appears to me that all you want to do is to confirm and go over each others awful situation and take on the role of wronged parent as your key persona. Hence "go wallow"

I am shocked that what were genuine comments should warrant words like "nasties", "bullies" and especially "vultures".
I find it equally hard to believe that any mature person should be accused of resenting any online friendship groups which have grown through the years of shared experience. Nobody is as sad as that.
However, as had been shown before it seems that only those in the group are allowed to contribute. Yes it is a support group, yes you are "there for each other" but is it not also possible to be open?
So be it.

Like I've said on previous occasions - reminds me of a group of vultures circling above looking for prey, then swooping down for the best pickings..

You carry right on annsixty don't feel the need to prove anything however if you don't post how can you make that sweeping statement ?

I agree, ann.
celeb That was an unnecessarily aggressive post.
Perhaps you should stop making excuses for yourself and try to see yourself as others do.

Well that surely proves that I am doing far more interesting things than spending my life on GN. Not so sad after all hey?

Well you must have missed a lot of posts then annsixty

I know that I am included in that "sad little band", I have been told so on more than one occasion, but that last statement is one of the worst
I have ever read on GN.