Strained Relationship with MIL

eddiecat78 yes you are correct but the grandson in question is rapidly growing and developing and I am sure this is what Gemmag has in mind when she suggests actions rather than words..

A lovely post Crafting. A couple of weeks ago I bumped into a young lady who was friends with ES and his wife. We knew her and her husband well and got on with them very well.

When we saw them after we'd been CO to say she was cool would be an understatement. She'd always speak to me all be it reluctantly but one occasion cut Mr. S. dead. When I saw her coming toward me, I knew I'd smile as I've always done but didn't expect much of a response.

To my surprise she stopped and struck up a conversation and it was only after several minutes that I realised she was pregnant with her first child. Before we went our separate ways, we hugged one another.

The change in her attitude toward me was huge, we were as we used to be. I can't help but think that now she's carrying her own child, now she's seen her parents and parents in law sheer joy as they await the arrival of their first GC, she's thought on a much deeper level about what our ES and his wife have done to us, cutting us out and denying us our GC and them their GP's. Perhaps she now sees what a terrible thing it is that they've done.

Purple, if you are still reading, you sound like a very warm, considerate dil. I hope everything works out for you.

Am I the only one, people, or did anyone else notice that dh has already tried talking to mil? If that didn't help, how would Purple's talking to her do any better?

Also, I don't see where any "door" has been "shut," etc. They are on lc - they see mil on occasion and usually in large groups. She's not getting to see them anywhere near as much as she wants, but she sees them. She would probably like to be with just Purple, dh and baby or even to have baby alone, sometimes. But her behavior and refusal to curb it has made that impossible. Still she's NOT co.

The 10-hour drive is formidable, of course. But, hopefully, she doesn't make it if Purple can't meet up with her or has other activities planned so it's not all dependent on that. But frankly, it's a little ott which is just another example of her overwhelming attitude. In fact, Purple, you may be confusing her by agreeing to meet up some of the time. It would probably be better to decline all these invitations and just stick to seeing her with dh and baby in larger groups. It's not as if you asked her to make that loooong drive. And if she sees that you never accept those "let's do lunch" requests, maybe she'll stop doing that. Better for her as well as you.

I don't think it's a good idea for you to have more contact with mil than dh does in this situation. He may resent it - or he may be counting on it to make up for his lc, and you may come to resent that. It's lovely to be a good dil, but it's more important to be a good dw.

Smileless, it's wonderful that young woman was friendly to you again. But you're nothing like purple's pushy mil that I can see. I don't think any of the regulars here are.

Unfortunately, purple, your MIL is not going to change her personality especially at her age, although she could tone down her over-enthusiasm.

If she lives 10 hours away you won't be seeing that much of her so I think it is a case of keeping on smiling. When DGS is a bit older you could perhaps let him stay with her for a couple of nights if he wants to.

Sounds tricky purple. She doesn't sound like the easiest character to have in your life.

Take it from a mum of 3 with parents overseas and PIL who show zero interest in their grandchildren that, even if you don't want to/are not ready to abdicate responsibility for LO just yet, you will be. It's then that you will be tremendously grateful to anybody prepared to give you some time to yourself/with your hubby or even The possibility of going to a doctors appointment without your LO in tow.
This is what makes me think that a MIL who wants to be overly involved is preferable to one who has GC at the low end of her priority list.

I think the whole "I don't need another mother" is not very nice at all. I've been through feeling the way you do. My MIL was VERY domineering, but I've learned to not be so uptight, she just really loves her son and grandchildren, what's wrong with that? As the mother of four boys I try to treat my Mother in law as equal to my own mother......looking to the future and the way I would really like to be treated. It would be heartbreaking to want to spend time with my grandchildren but not be treated on an equal par to the other grandparent.