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" You don't love your grandchild enough!"

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Day6 Thu 09-Mar-17 23:29:25

I am in a bit of a quandary.

So is OH. His son and he have had an argument that escalated quite quickly into son saying he thought we didn't love his five month old baby enough, didn't make many arrangements to see him, and didn't dote on him as he thought we would.

We are quite upset at the accusation and wonder perhaps if he has unrealistic expectations of how life should be now he's become a father.

We love the little fella. He is a very contented, happy baby and since his birth we've done lots of baby sitting, given them opportunities to go out together and helped out when there have been childcare issues. The baby really is sweet and a joy to be with.

However, a fortnight ago they were talking about DILs return to work. She is only going to be doing two days a week, and son has a good salary so the nursery fees are manageable. They asked us if we'd like to look after the baby for one of the days, and we said no, but nicely.

OH and I have both recently retired and we have lots of plans to get involved with local community clubs, travel, go out for lunch and generally make up for all the years we were working and raising our families.

I know this is a bit contentious too, but I also find full on childcare quite tedious and boring. Please understand I love our little ones dearly and delight in cuddles and treating them, and I also adore my own children, but I'd find a whole day commitment a tie, and so would OH.

I think we really have upset son by not seeming too keen to take on the baby for a whole 7am-6pm shift.

We've patched things up but this has created a bit of an awkward situation. OH and I both feel guilty now.

Should we?

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MsPavlichenko Thu 16-Mar-17 23:19:29

I would never have asked either my late DM or late DMIL to do this. They were both amazing Grannies with amazing relationships with my DC. They did babysit if asked (if able too) and also spent time with DGC, staying over, holidays etc. This was a huge support as my (grown up )DS is severely disabled.

In fact this arrangement was a help, as if I had a child care issue/DC ill etc when I was working I felt able to ask for help. Always on the basis that it was up to them to say yes, or no depending on their plans. I miss them every day.

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Skippy50 Thu 30-Mar-17 20:29:51

I have similar sitation.except my son & dil accuse us of spending more time with my daughter's son. We do See my daughter sil & grandson frequently as they call in.& l am helping daughter plan her wedding. Whereas my son & dil never call in or text.situation has escalated where son now expects us to make more effort. We actually have their son more in grandparents alone time than my daughter's son.in addition they blame my daughter and are trying to cause rift with my other daughter. These are our first grandchildren born 3 weeks apart. I have 3 children so could have a brood of grandchildren which we'd love. But we can't dedicate all or free time we both still work full time. Feel son & dil are being very manipulative or are we in the wrong? It's very stressful.

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Norah Thu 30-Mar-17 22:39:47

The only ds comment I would take notice of is the idea you should make an effort. Is ds correct that you commit less effort to vising him, dil, and their child?

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Skippy50 Fri 31-Mar-17 09:23:48

Hi
Thank you. We are trying to reach out & make more of an effort with s but being met with resistance at present. But we'll persevere. Our gs is precious to us & we will do everything to 're build our relationship & then work on building the rift between b & s.x

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