Daughter and Son in Law dilema

My daughter has been married for nearly 11 years and it's been difficult. My son in law left her after only 6 months of marriage. He moved into a gated community that only allowed their renters access. He had to find himself. I didn't tell anyone except very close family. I went to a friends party shortly after the separation and my friend asked if everything was ok with my daughter and son in law in a funny, reluctant manner? I Said " they were ok and asked her why was she asking? She replied "Well My neice was over the other day and commented on the save the date magnet that you sent for their wedding over a year ago. Her neice was surprised that he was getting married because he has a girlfriend at work and it's not the girl in the picture. My friend told her neice " well that's an old picture and he is already married" I was devastated. I did tell my son in law about the conversation and he was very flippant. He told me "look I can have female friends and people need to mind their own business." I told him that is true. However , you shouldn't give them a reason to talk at work and he that he owed it to my daughter to be truthful ". She is is wife. I told my daughter also and she pretty much said the same thing so I left it alone. After 6 months of separation they reunited. 2 years later our beautiful granddaughter was born. At 7 months pregnant my daughter had a partial uterine abruption/hemorrhage and was hospitalized for the remainder of pregnancy. She delivered my granddaughter a month early. This was a very difficult time for all of us. During my daughter's hospitalization we noticed my son in law pulling away again. My husband and I offered to help with their pets so that he could spend some nights with his wife at the hospital. He always declined. His visits were always brief and this was strange because he works 2 floors down in the ER department of the hospital. Fast forward 18 months later and my daughter is concerned that he is pulling away and does not want to spend anytime or do anything with her and their child. She is catching him in lies over and over again. She confronts him and he says " I don't know what is wrong or what I want." She did look.at his phone records and found a phone number that he had been spending a lot of time speaking with. She found out that he was having a relationship with the female director of the rehab facility at the hospital. A single woman with no baggage. They went to marriage counseling so many times. He did not change his ways and my daughter refuses to see this. He has let my daughter plan vacations and then he always backs out at the last minute. He tells my daughter that he is depressed and is seeing a doctor. He is a fitness guy and takes very good care of himself. He does not fit the picture of clinical depression. I told my daughter this and again She refuses to see the truth. Well, now my granddaughter is almost 6 years old and a month ago they were cleaning their pool area. His phone fell on the ground and when my daudaughter picked it up it displayed a text message from none other that the same woman at the fitness/rehab center at the hospital. He is still seeing her for over 5 years now. My daughter kicked him out and he is now saying " it's really now over for good". I'm disgusted with both my daughter and son in law. My concern is my granddaughter. She does not know what a normal family looks like. She does everything with my daughter because "daddy is always at work". This man does not even take them out to eat at McDonald's. My husband and I are invited along on trips, etc because they are always alone. This breaks our hearts. We are building great memories with our girls but she deserves to have a father. He does contribute financially but denies them love and affection. It's emotional and psychological abuse. He is very passive aggressive. My daughter cannot see this and wants her marriage to work. I recently exploded and told her exactly how I feel. I expressed my anger at her for allowing him to treat her so badly. I voiced my concern regarding my granddaughter. She is very sad that her daddy lives somewhere else and cries. I'm afraid that she will one day think it's normal for a,woman to accept this type of abuse. My daughter tells me " mom you need to get over being abandoned by your own father. You're projecting your feelings onto my child. " I just want her to understand that she and my granddaughter deserve so much more. I find myself pulling away from my daughter. This is so difficult to watch. She refuses to see that she is in a toxic relationship.

I was sorry to read your post TripleDfor you.