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Someone asked DH if I was still alive - AIBU to be hopping mad?

(76 Posts)
acanthus Sat 06-May-17 16:15:26

DH took great delight yesterday telling me that an acquaintance of his (female - I only know her by sight) had asked if I was still alive. I should add that I am in perfect health and three years younger than DH, so there is no logical reason for anyone to suspect my demise.
He can't understand why I took exception to this, especially as he simply told her that I was still in the land of the living.
AIBU in thinking it was a very rude question and upset with him not indicating this to her? angry

vampirequeen Sat 06-May-17 16:44:10

I don't think it was rude. Strange but not rude.

Ana Sat 06-May-17 16:46:22

Yes, just odd - especially as she doesn't know you.

rosesarered Sat 06-May-17 16:47:52

Very odd, the normal thing would have been to ask how you were.

rosesarered Sat 06-May-17 16:49:27

Did she remember your name? Even worse had she said 'is thingamjig still alive?' grin

shysal Sat 06-May-17 16:52:26

I used to see an elderly couple walking to the paper shop in the mornings. For the last month or so I have seen the woman alone around the village. We are only on nodding terms, so I feel it would be rude of me to ask after her husband, but I fear that he is unwell or dead. They seemed to do everything together and I know they are childless, so I worry that she could do with some support. Should I approach her or not and what should I say?

rosesarered Sat 06-May-17 17:04:18

Yes, shysal I think I would say something on the lines of, 'hello, I haven't seen your husband for a while, is he alright?' That gives her the opportunity to say whatever is the case, and be pleased that somebody has noticed and asked.

Greenfinch Sat 06-May-17 18:02:26

Yes, or an even vaguer implied question "It's unusual to see you on your own".

JackyB Sat 06-May-17 18:06:56

Acanthus - you don't think she's after your husband do you?


Greenfinch Sat 06-May-17 18:11:16

That crossed my mind toogrin

Christinefrance Sat 06-May-17 19:09:14

Yes me too. Seems a strange thing to say out of the blue, but some folk can be quite tactless.
Shysal I agree with roses that seems a good way to broach the subject.

MawBroon Sat 06-May-17 19:28:37

acanthus - Ah, but are you?
< 🦆 🦆Ducks behind 🛋 sofa> grin

annsixty Sat 06-May-17 19:49:42

My H has this problem. I see a neighbour a couple of times a month and H is convinced her H is dead and refers to it each time I see her. I have told them and they think it is hilarious. On the other side of the coin, a friend from our past rang recently and he is stage whispering to me " how is T and give him my regards " he has been dead 7 years.

M0nica Sat 06-May-17 19:53:58

As she doesn't see you much, she may just have got you confused with someone else, who was seriously ill.

Nevetheless, a strange way to put it.

norose4 Sat 06-May-17 19:54:54

Depending on ages/stages of all concerned she may have been fishing, so as not to miss an opportunity perhaps🤔

BlueBelle Sat 06-May-17 20:01:39

I think your husbands right what is there to get upset about Perhaps she'd seen your husband out and about without you a few times or maybe she's just strange say you don't know her I d probably be a bit puzzled but upset no there's really nothing to get upset over, is there ? Unless it's your husbands 'delight' in telling you

Beammeupscottie Sat 06-May-17 20:48:44

I would be upset by that remark. I think she was looking for a lonely widower and testing the water.

Elrel Sat 06-May-17 20:50:41

Shysal, just 'How are things with you?' Could be enough for her to tell you whether anything has happened to her DH.

Jalima1108 Sat 06-May-17 21:14:01

What JackyB said! hmm

I would watch her!
and accompany him next time

Norah Sat 06-May-17 22:02:43

Strange but not rude. Perhaps she was confused with another acquaintance. No worries.

FarNorth Sat 06-May-17 22:54:50

If it was mistaken identity, for someone whose wife was ill, it's a very insensitive way of asking.

I'd think she was fishing, in a clumsy way, and it wouldn't annoy me, even if my DH was clearly flattered.

It would only bother me if I thought he returned her interest.

SueDonim Sat 06-May-17 23:09:02

Someone recently said to my 89yo mother 'Oh, you're still around, are you? I haven't seen you lately.' My mother chose not to be offended and made a joke out of it instead.

paddyann Sun 07-May-17 10:34:55

I walked into a local shop a number of years ago to be met by the owner chalk white and visibly shaken...I heard you had died he said ..poor man ,he even had a card written ready for my funeral.Sadly it was my elder sister who had died and he'd been given the wrong name

radicalnan Sun 07-May-17 10:44:33

Goodness me, if she is after him she sounds a bit creepy.....does she specilise in widowers then? Fortunately he doesn't qualify, lucky escape all round.

Larsonsmum Sun 07-May-17 10:44:45

I don't think it was at all rude or odd, and can't fathom why you'd be this upset.