Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.TWO

"Cutting off an estranged child is one last chance for a bitter parent to get one over on them .... sticking the boot in from beyond the grave" is a truly horrible thing to post buggsy.

A surprising statement in a post that accuses Yogagirl of being "outrageously rude" to posters who don't share her opinions and everything that she does post "seeps of bitterness". What seeps through in her's and many of the posts on this thread is the pain.

Seems to me that you've seen Yogagirl's response to mumofbadboysto stick the boot in your self.

I thank you too mumofbadboys for your kindness and you're appreciation of the difficult task of living with estrangement.

Smileless well said in answer to mumof.

Lucklegs our pain is great.

celebgran good luck for your op Monday.

I don't think any of us who post on this thread, and who are not estranged from an AC , can possibly comment on what they personally would or wouldn't do regarding inheritance.

I think I would disinherit my AC but I can't say for certain. It would depend on circumstances.

I would say, though, that any AC who has been unspeakably cruel to their parents shouldn't really expect to receive the fruits of their labour. I didn't have a particularly good relationship with my mum (although we were not estranged). She didn't have much to leave when she died but my siblings got about 1k each and I got nothing. It didn't bother me. It was her money to do what she wanted with.

Celeb

Sending you heaps of positive thoughts and good wishes for your op. .

Well if you're not all a little bit bitter, you must be saints and we could all learn a lot from you. Rejection of any kind is very painful and leaves lasting scars, how much more if it is unexpected, unexplained and comes from someone we love. I think the lack of explanation must be the worst thing. You must keep trying to work it out and that keeps it alive. If I'm wrong I apologise in advance but there was no need for bugsys post.

Oh didems Mumofmadboys

Yoga girl that's not necessary mum of mad boys has nto been rude to us
It's not like you

Thank you for your input Eglantine

Eglantine 19 very good post

We have tried to let it go as in words of song because bitterness only destroys us ?For your kind understanding post

Smileless Thank you for your posts

Luckylegs I have no doubt you were the best of mothers

Just about to ask you for your email add Celebgran so that I can send you a get well e-card, not sure if I should now

I'm popping in & out as busy with my work today, so reading & posting with hast

You're right Eglantine especially about not having an explanation as to why the estrangement has happened being so hard.

Just this morning Luckylegs posted about feeling guilty for not being a good mother. In the absence of an explanation, what is she to think?

Bitterness is an emotion we all fight to rid ourselves of. I remain angry and there are still times when bitterness creeps in but it wasn't anger or bitterness that led us to make the decision we did regarding our wills.

I believe that inheritance is a gift, not a right. When we present someone with a gift, however big or small, we like to think it will be appreciated, even valued. We don't expect to receive a gift from someone we don't appreciate or value and if we did, how could we appreciate or value it if we don't appreciate or value the giver.

The most important gift any of us has to offer is ourselves. It's also the most valuable and costly and when that has been rejected, IMO there's nothing of real value left to give.

I keep an eye on this thread as I have a good friend ( not living near me sadly) in this same awful situation who isn't allowed to ever see her grandchildren, and she is heartbroken over it, so reading your comments sometimes helps me to say the right things to her, and also your good advice.
I do hope that anybody who posts on here and isn't in this situation will refrain from posting anything which isn't helpful, life is difficult enough for some people.

roses

CelebgranDid my post not come through?

Your post to Celeb is on the previous page Rhinestone.

I/We are estranged from our eldest son, for what reasons we can only hazard a guess. No children in the relationship which I suppose is a blessing, as to be isolated from a grandchild would be unbearable. I am blessed with 4 Granddaughters from our 2 DD's. But on the subject of inheritance our estranged son will inherit his share, same as our other 3 children. On this my husband is adamant, I have seen this son and his wife about 4 times in 8 years and everyone is perfectly civil, they just choose not to have a parent/son relationship with us sadly. But he will always be our son. Can I ask if any of you were blessed to be reconciled with your EC, would you have second thoughts about adding them back into your wills.

TBH grannygrace I've never given that much thought as I just can't see a reconciliation ever being a possibility. It's a good question to which I don't have an answer.

Very sadly there's been no civility from our ES since he cut us out. What a strange and difficult situation for you and your DH to be in with your son how do you manage to cope?

Our ES will always by our son but unfortunately we no longer seem to be his parents, not even enough to see us. His children are our only GC and there are times when it is unbearable but somehow we manage, not sure how, but we do.

grannygrace I don't know the answer to that as it's as likely as the moon turning into chocolate.
However, I would most probably wait a year after reconciliation to change my will.
I have an example to use - my son's father fell out with my MiL for 3 years, and she told me she changed her will to leave everything to her niece and nephew. Within a matter of months, her son, an only child, approached her to reconcile. I personally would wait a while to change my will, to satisfy myself that the reconciliation was genuine.

Otherwise Cancer Research UK and Alone in London, both charities, will benefit.

I don't think EC should inherit anything at all.
I would advise everyone here lock down their wills so that their wants for their money that they have earned are fulfilled.

No one is entitled to anyone else's money. It's a gift and a privilege.
I don't always agree with posters on here however if an adult has chosen (for whatever reason) to have nothing to do with their parent then they choose to have NOTHING to do with them.

What a strange and difficult situation for you and your DH to be in with your son how do you manage to cope?

Smileless we just do,too be honest after all this time I have allowed myself to shut down about it. Sadly DH still struggles, but it's not part of our everyday conversation. Actually went to visit youngest DD and he was there doing some work for them. This DD is the only one he has a relationship with,pains eldest DD as he has never met niece 2. Quite bizarre as we were all very civilised but no affection between us at all. Such is life I suppose.

Like Fairydoll, idk if I would disinherit my dd if we were estranged. I don't think so, not entirely, but maybe I would.

But I don't see how any ac who has co their parents can expect to inherit. In fact, if they really want "no contact," then they shouldn't want to receive an inheritance because that would be "contact" even if posthumously.

Celeb, you will be in my prayers on Monday. Best of luck!

Smileless, thanks for your kind words. Hope the weather gets better for you and Mr. S.

Oh, I see Bibbity already said what I was trying to say about inheritance - and better, I might add - "... if an adult has chosen (for whatever reason) to have nothing to do with their parent then they choose to have NOTHING to do with them."

Exactly! And that includes NO inheritance. Can't have one's cake and eat it too.

Grannygrace, I'm so sorry for your and dh's situation. But you have seen ds and dil a few times during their marriage. Is it possible they have just gone vlc (very low contact) with you people? Or did they specifically cut you out after the last visit?

I realize vlc probably doesn't feel much better than nc. But it means that they might get together with you again sometime. Do you think it's possible? Would you/dh be willing to see them again? Or is it easier not to see them at all? Either way, (((hugs)))

Bugsy, I have just reread your post to Yogagirl. Have you no understanding of how your uncalled for cruel comments might upset some one that is. You don't have to be estranged to have empathy for someone that is and I truly feel sorry for you, what has happened to you to make you so bitter?
Yogagirl ?

Excellent post Smileless : Sat 14.13 won't give you anymore [flowers[ or your new house will look like a florist

Thank you very much Rose
I'm reading & posting as you can see, so waiting for a backlash from yesterday I was not going to come on here yesterday, as very busy working day but when I saw the new web page I thought to navigate to 'our' page and then of course got pulled in!

It was my ND 34th Birthday yesterday, we celebrated the day before, Friday being my one and only day off, we had a smashing day together, very special, I had GD yesterday evening after my work, so ND could go out and enjoy a birthday dinner with her hubby. He is so nice, he was showing me his new tricks [he is a C entertainer] really making me laugh & a few too lol. He got my ND to video it, so funny seeing my face & me jumping with some of the tricks!