Gransnet forums

Relationships

Page 3 of 3 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

I feel so sad

(53 Posts)
Add comment | Report
Nannyme Sat 03-Jun-17 10:08:13

I have been married to my second husband for 13 years. Everything was really lovely until he was away with his mates and I answered the phone in his study. On his desk was a hotel receipt for two people from a hotel not too far from where we live and somewhere he had no need to stay. I couldn't get it out of my mind so when he came home I asked him why he had stayed in that hotel and he more or less told me I was stupid and seeing things, or it was a receipt for before I knew him, but I knew I hadn't imagined it. He has always gone away on business a lot so the net time he went away I did the unthinkable and went through all his papers and lo and behold found numerous hotel receipts, train tickets etc, none of which related to where he supposedly goes on business. I tackled him several times but each time he denied anything was going on. That was 10 months ago but I finally broke down and told him to stop denying it and tell me the truth.
Now is feels so sorry but has told me he has finished it but apparently it has been going on for three years.
I am totally devastated, heartbroken, feeling betrayed. If I hadn't found out he said it would probably still be going on. What can I do, we are both in our 70's and we should be enjoying what time we have left.

Add comment | Report
shysal Sat 10-Jun-17 17:01:38

I agree about the solicitor, you can have a free 30 minutes appointment at most. You are likely to be entitled to 50% of all assets, but don't give him time or opportunity to squirrel any away. From experience I can tell you that a husband whom you had always thought was an honourable man is likely to change under the influence of another woman, so don't accept any 'gentleman's agreement'!
I hope things work out in a way that is best for you. Divorcing my ex was the best solution for me.

Add comment | Report
GillT57 Sat 10-Jun-17 18:24:37

So sorry about this, what a terrible situation to find yourself in. I have never experienced this myself, but as far as I am concerned, the breaking of trust would be the end of the relationship, along with the the constant denial and accusations that you were imagining it. I could, possibly, forgive a sexual fling if it was admitted, but the lies and deception are beyond it for me. Every time he goes to play golf/go away on business/go to visit an elderly relative you are going to wonder, you are going to be checking up on him, and you will turn into a person that you won't like, suspicious, mistrustful, checking up with friends.....do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life like that? Keep the anger, and use it to your advantage, get your financial affairs in order and think about what to do next. You don't need counselling, you need legal advice. Do his work colleagues know? Are you always going to be wondering who knew and whether they felt sorry for you? In the words of Mumsnet, GROTB (get rid of the bastard). Make a lovely new life for yourself, and leave his mistress to look after him in his old age. Don't make excuses for him, he has betrayed you dreadfully, possibly out your health at risk ( he is a liar, do get checked for STD, why believe him on this?), and he has ruined your future life together. You can never, will never, and should never trust him again.

Page 3 of 3 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |