Should we be more selfish?

You are not bring selfish. Your d is going to gave a lovely break and why shouldn't you? The significance of your special days probably didn't register in the excitement of the invitation. I would have the holiday, then get together with your family for a meal out to celebrate, it doesn't matter if it's a couple of weeks late.

Do what you want to do, it's your anniversary so celebrate with a special holiday if that's something you enjoy.
I don't think the younger generations take so much notice of other family anniversary's etc, it's not the normal thing to have a party for every special one these days. I know from working for many years in the hospitality business that the number of organised do's greatly reduced over the years.

Congratulations! Definitely go for holidays/experiences for two every time, precious moments together are priceless. Think theyre known as SKI holidays, Spending Kids' Inheritance!! My DH is 60 next week so Ive booked a surprise Med Cruise ( told him now!) really intend to push the boat out literally!! Have fun!

I agree that celebrating wedding anniversaries seems to have gone out of fashion. My parent's and grandparent's generation saw anniversaries as a really big achievement and made a big thing out of celebration.
Nowadays, although it's important to the couple, we all sort of know there's a lot of luck involved in staying married and alive after forty or fifty years.
Many people aren't so lucky, so it feels a bit unfair to have a big celebration when friends and other family members haven't reached that magic date because of divorce or widowhood.

Just go away on your own.
Last Christmas we treated ourselves to a fabulous holiday in favourite place, Cornwall, Children (adults) were a bit diasppointed, and I felt guilty, but it was so wonderful to spend Christmas there, the guilt wore off!
Go for it Emelle!

Yes definitely go away, enjoy planning it and make it something special. 40 years together is a special achievement, you have earned it, there is nothing selfish in that! Our children are of the opinion that we got married before they were born and it is nothing to do with them. They will turn up if they are free and there is food involved, bless them, but just to please us.

Don't limit yourselves to the one trip either, when you come home, start planning the next one, while you can.

Go away if you want. We've spent our lives supporting offspring but this year, we went to Switzerland, just the two of us. It was fantastic and we're already looking at the next trip.

Go away with your husband and make some glorious memories.

I can't understand women with lovely husbands who don't make the best use of them.

You don't know what your family have in mind they may well have something up their sleeves so to speak but in the meantime plan your own plans, life is too short to be hanging around.

Happy 70th Merlotgran.????

merlotgran Sun 11-Jun-17 16:39:16

Happy 70th!!

Emelle... get going on planning your own celebrations. I don't think the younger ones realise what an accomplishment it is to be long-married. My stepsons just twigged that this year we will have been married 25 years (DH was a widower). In the rush of life, they lose track. Good on the birthdays, though.

Now plan something great and push out the boat as others have said. Go whilst you are fit and health insurance does not entail a loan from QuickQuid!

radicalnan Mon 12-Jun-17 11:06:01 What a nice reminder. I make use of mine at every opportunity when aching joints or tired eyes don't get in the way.

Imo, birthdays and anniversaries are for ourselves, not anyone else. We can invite other people to share these or they can invite us, but it isn't necessary. So you're not being "selfish" if you and dh go away on your own to celebrate. Nor is dd being "selfish" to go off with sil and the gds to enjoy a great opportunity.

Hopefully, dd will remember in time for phone calls, cards, gifts or whathaveyou. Also agree with those pps who have said, maybe you can celebrate together on alternate dates.

But why are you talking about the "Bank of Mum and Dad?" Are you and dh financing the trip for dd and family? Or do you often loan/give them money? Or is it just that you foot the bill for family celebrations?

From the other side ... I missed my own parents' 40th due to a previously booked holiday. This was because I had no idea they were planning to celebrate - they'd never celebrated any previous anniversary or milestone birthday (theirs or us children's). No slight was intended or taken. Conversely, SIL and family unfailingly plan a large family event at August Bank Holiday which we always attend, missing the chance to grab a long weekend away before term starts. Both approaches have their merits and de-merits m- my personal opinion is that attendance at celebrations other than weddings and funerals should be optional.

Personally I would treat yourselves..and also say to your daughter that you're having a little celebration afterwards, so you end up doing both...even though the dates won't be quite right...I think you'd still enjoy it, And yes, I'd definitely stop the financial support unless their out on the streets! I don't know where this constant support of adult children has come from but whilst we've helped ours out when things have been critical, they just have to cope, as we did, otherwise. I don't think it's good to go around feeling guilty or resentful-and the shame of it is that it's often lost on them-all more important to us than them I think. Let go of those feelings and get out and enjoy yourselves, I say.?

Give that lady a medal, best thing you could ever do, start thinking about yourselves. Life is too short.

Happy Birthday, metro!

It's lovely to have enough money to spend on your family and I'm sure most appreciate it. But, as some have already said, you don't know what's around the corner so spend some on yourselves as well - without any feelings of guilt. Enjoy!

My husband was recently diagnosed with vascular dementia, albeit in it's early stages. On diagnosis I said well, now we have a diagnosis we can book a holiday and her response was , 'do as much as you can as often as you can!' Wise words indeed.

Emelle, I hope you have a wonderful time together for the birthday and anniversary. Is there anything you have both always wanted to do, or somewhere you longed to visit? We have reached the stage when travel insurance starts to become prohibitively expensive and we are regretting skimping and saving when we were younger. Your family has been inconsiderate but we seem to have brought up a generation which has adopted different values from us. You are far from alone in experiencing this. Make up for lost time and enjoy the rest of your lives together while you can. Do what you fancy and enjoy it. You DO deserve it!

I agree.

I was 70 last year. My DH suggested to DD that he organise a surprise party for me. My DD soon put him right and we had our usual birthday meal for the family and took a Baltic cruise instead. I've trained her well!

Have the holiday and don't worry about it. I don't think your daughter will read anything into it at all.

My mother often said ' there are no pockets in a shroud'. I now understand that sentiment fully and intend to enjoy as many holidays and experiences as possible with my husband while we still can!

Grannypiper, wish I could act on your words of wisdom, I've been hanging around in an emotionally abusive marriage for 30 years, stayed to give 3 children 'stability' in the early years (or so I thought! Biggest mistake ), and now I know things are never going to get better only worse, but still here helping adult children, waiting for them to move out, ad I don't want to rock the boat and start any animosity or bad feeling. Not that any of them seem to really care about my feelings. As someone just said, live your life and let them get on with theirs. Trouble is, I'm too kind and caring always out others before myself!