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Husband and porn

(61 Posts)
loopylou Sun 11-Jun-17 22:07:44

I'm shaking. I went on the laptop to find out something for my DD, went in history and am shocked.
Found out my husband has been spending hours on very graphic porn sites (thankfully not child abuse) amongst other things. We've been married 40 years and I don't know what to do or where to turn to for advice.
He's out at the moment and doesn't know what I have discovered.
I feel sick.

Luckylegs9 Wed 14-Jun-17 08:10:02

Loopylou, he is not ashamed you say, so he wouldn't be upset at people knowing. It's not your shame, it's his. Up to you if you don't want people to know, but remember you have done nothing to justify this. You could just say to those you care for, you have nothing in common any more and make each other miserable, it's up to you. Stay strong. There is a life beyond this, doesn't seem so at the moment, but there is, just stay positive and do what you want. No one else.💐 I do not believe porn is harmless, quite the opposite. Makes my stomache ache churn. Those dreadful lowlife that prey on vulnerable girls and boys who are desperate are despicable. Everyone that watches those videos contributes to that circle of misery. I have never seen one and never want to. I believe in love.

GillT57 Wed 14-Jun-17 12:24:36

Before anyone justifies porn they need to ask how they would feel if it was their daughter or son who was being watched, leered over by whoever chose to log on to the website. Feels disgusting doesn't it? Makes my stomach heave to think of some dirty old git pleasuring himself watching my DD. Now tell me you accept porn, or is it only ok if it is someone else's daughter or son?

Luckygirl Wed 14-Jun-17 12:36:36

Indeed Gill.

If you look at Mumsnet, then, if the posts are to be believed, porn-watching is an accepted activity among many younger folk.

Another reason to detest porn is that it influences the young, who see it on their phones, and they feel pushed into replicating some of the activities that are not appropriate to teens; and also replicating the fashions for e.g. shaved pubes. They feel these behaviours and actions are expected of them, regardless of their wishes.

Porn is pernicious.

kittylester Wed 14-Jun-17 12:38:11

I have just come on to support GGMk2. Inappropriate sexual behaviour is definitely a sign of some sorts of dementia. That might not be the case here but it could be. There might be other indicators too. My friend's father isn't allowed to be alone with his granddaughters for just this reason.

TriciaF Wed 14-Jun-17 14:50:29

Luckygirl wrote "Porn is pernicious."
And like other addictions can lead to other things, it's a downward slope.

ninathenana Wed 14-Jun-17 15:47:46

phoenix pure speculation on my part but possibly blaming loopy for the same excuse men have been known to give for affairs. "You weren't loving enough/I wasn't getting enough so had to find my fun elsewhere.
loopy this is just my guess, what has gone on in your bedroom is none of my or anyone elses buisness.
flowers

Lisalou Fri 16-Jun-17 10:13:40

Porn is a curious habit, many men like a bit of porn and it doesnt mean they love their spouse any less. It is a fantasy for most. My husband likes porn, but nothing like what you are describing. I know he watches, and it doesnt bother me, as we have a healthy, active sexlife and it is not a hidden thing.
What you describe, I see as a betrayal, first because he has been hiding his habit for god only knows how long, second, because he is talking to real people, not just a bit of voyeurism. Thirdly, because he seems to be intent on acting upon it.
The last straw is that he blames you. HOW DARE HE!!!

Luckygirl Fri 16-Jun-17 12:18:33

"Many men like a bit of porn" - and so the cycle of exploitation is shored up and continues. Those who watch it are as much to blame for the exploitation as are the direct exploiters. If no-one watched it, the trade would stop.

Iam64 Fri 16-Jun-17 22:14:46

I'm with you Lucky girl. What on earth is A bit of porn'? Those who watch it, contribute to the exploitation of others

whitewave Fri 16-Jun-17 22:51:57

I would metaphorically kick his ass from here to Kingdom come. It is wrong on so many levels.