Unhappy relationship with my daughter

it will be no consolation that the way your GS sees you are treated is the way he will treat his Mother when he is an adult. It will make you feel sad for her. I'm afraid all you can do is put up with her behaviour.

Try inviting them to your house for dinner !

I see my daughter whenever I'm close to her home, shopping or going out with friends, as long as she has nothing arranged of course, sometimes I go over at the weekend. I love to see my DGSs.

It is rare for me to stay for a meal, if I'm there at lunchtime I often take my own with me, after all why should she cater for me, also we have different taste. Don't get the wrong idea, she is very generous & it works for us. DGS1 usually asks if I'm staying for tea, last time I had been for a lovely lunch so I told him the truth that I had had a big lunch & wasn't hungry, sometimes I'm going shopping on my way home. The reason I don't like to stay is it disrupts his routine on a school night.

My DD spends a lot of time with her friends as I would expect, I am not envious at all. I do wonder some-times what GPs want, I think we can all be very thankful when we have contact with DGC there are many who don't have any contact at all

Tread very carefully here, please. You do see your grandson, which is something many, many grandparents would envy.
To me this set-up sounds like one of two things. Either it is just the way the young live these days. They do not feel obliged to invite us, the elder generation, as we did feel obliged to invite our elders, and they do not see that we feel hurt, or dubious as to whether we should invite them, or invite ourselves to their place.

Much more worrying is the other possibility that comes to my mind; that your daughter is concealing something from you. Could she be ashamed to admit that money is so tight that she cannot afford to invite you to stay and eat?
Is she trying to hide that her husband/partner (is she living with anyone?) dislikes you, or that he drinks, or hits her?
One of the young women in my family will only meet me outside her home, obviously at times where her husband isn't home and isn't keeping tabs on her. I don't know why, and yes, it worries me, as I know of nothing we have done to give offence, so I may just be reading my own situation into yours, sorry.

You have my sympathy, it's very hard to deal with. We also have the same problem with my granddaughter and great grandchildren, which has gone on for too many years so we decided to apply to the court for direct and indirect contact. Since this commenced, my daughter and I have been made to feel like we're criminals. I think legislation has pulled families apart. Now I write to my 3 greatgrandchildren frequently and save the letters on the computer. If we don't get access, I will send them the letters when they're a bit older and I hope they will understand where I am coming from. I have this has helped you to understand that you're not alone with this terrible problem, just because we love our grandchildren. Hoping you find a way to cope and don't give up.

I understand this letter very much. Sometimes I feel like I'm 'walking on eggshells' with my daughter. I have two spot on grandchildren , well behaved and bright and pick the youngest aged 6 up from school 3 times a week. I
Love the eldest coming in and look after both til first parent returns. Get on famously with SIL . My daughter is a difficult individual and needs careful handling.... she is very strict with her children. I find that keeping your mouth closed is the best way to go. And recently my daughter has invited me to two family events with the children which I enjoyed immensely as did she I think and the kids. My mother used to say " slowly, slowly catchy monkey" and she's been proved right. My daughter and I will be fine, if I let her arrange our relationship her way. It might work for you.Until then enjoy your grandson.... and ask her if she'd like a free weekend and let him sleep at yours. My two have bunks in their own room at Nans and always love to come over. Slowly slowly with this daughter!

Assunta, When I was first married at 18, my husband was very domineering and hated me spending any time with anyone including my parents. He also hated coming home from work and there being people in the house. I walked a very very fine line between upsetting him or upsetting my parents. I paid in many ways if he was upset and I definitely couldn't explain to my parents how things were. I'm not saying how that is for your daughter but just maybe the problem isn't you.

She sounds like a very independent girl and you do see quite a lot of your grandson, you are lucky to be able to take him out on your own I know people who aren't allowed to do that. I agree the not feeding you is strange, unless money is short or maybe she thinks you don't like her cooking, do they come to you at all? If you can talk to her do, she sounds irritated by something.

I have to admit the part about you and dh watching dd and family eat really jumped out at me. It seems so incredibly rude on her and sil's part. I understand preferring friends over family - some people are like that. But eating dinner while you two just watch? I don't understand that.

Could it be that you and dh refused to leave when dd asked? That might explain it, but idk. From now on, if you don't want that to happen, please leave when asked, as hurtful as it might be.

I'm also confused about your dual complaint - that you don't get time alone with gs, but that dd asks you to babysit. I think it's that you would like time alone with him when you and dh ask and not just when she needs you to watch him. Is that it? I'm sorry you're dissatisfied with your relationship with gs, but please try to enjoy the time you do spend with him. Don't expect more - you won't get it.

As pps (previous posters) have said, it's great that you get to see gs once a week. Some gps would give their right arm for that. I wouldn't gripe or ask for more. Again, please just enjoy the time you have. Fighting this might end up in your getting less time with him. I know you don't want that to happen and neither do I.

(((Hugs)))