Niece spotted with someone else

Say nothing it's up to her
It's her life ??

Hi Blue - glad you've decided to say nothing but thought I would tell you a story from many years ago.

I was about 17, working in London & my BF was away at university. I'd known her and her family since I was 7 and used to spend a lot of time at their house. I passed their house on my walk home and would occasionally call in to say hello to my BF's parents.

Sorry this is long; I'm setting the scene. Anyway a few times I called in the mum would be in the front room chatting to a tall handsome chap and the dad would be watching TV in the back room. I thought it was a but odd ..... But of course these 40 something parents were old & past it in my eyes so I told myself "no, not Mrs D .... Way too old blah blah"

Moving on. These people didn't have a house phone and would use the phone box to call family etc .... Reaching the crescendo now! So one evening as I'm on the bus waiting for it to stop, I saw Mrs D literally running up the road into the arms of the chap! My mouth literally dropped open

It was the most romantic scene straight out of Brief Encounter ..... Which I saw several more times over the next few months.

I said nothing to my BF !!!! How could I ??? I vaguely recall some gossip in the area and the chap was never seen by me again.

In my 30s Mrs D came to work for us and we became close again. She was with us for about 25+ years. She was still happily married and Mr D also helped out occasionally with our business. She was devastated when he died .... Sadly she passed away a few years ago.

Her secret liaisons were never discussed between her and I though I admit I would occasionally giggle to myself.

Just think! If I had spilt the beans this lovely couple's life may have taken a different turn.

So I'm with the 'say nothings' on this one. It's always the messenger who gets shot!

Thanks all for your messages - I didn't see her myself. I was asked a question whether my niece was still with her fiance, I said that as far as I knew she was, which then led to the conversation.

The description given was the opposite of her fiance (she has no brother btw) so I was a bit taken aback.

I think you're right quizqueen- it's up to the person who bumped into her to ask the question, but I don't think that will happen as that person doesn't want to be seen as the one to blame.

No, I'm staying well away - my family is awkward enough and it would cause a family row.

Thank you all for taking the time to put forward your views.

A close family member has told me that my niece (who has a fiance) has been spotted on two separate occasions with another man.

Last time I looked, having a fiancee means you're still not married! Technically, your niece is still single and she's also an adult. It's her own business (and no one else's) who she walks with or even holds hands with.

blue60, you also haven't witnessed any of this firsthand, so more the reason to hold your tongue. This is all hearsay or what some people call 'mischievous gossip'! Don't allow anyone (even close family members) to drag you into the middle of this and cause trouble when there isn't any.

Iam that woman that was seen with another guy whom I was having an affair with by my inlaws, how sensible were they to keep stumm. It all fizzled out and Iam still with the husband happily 40 years on.Keep quiet I say it pays for all concerned

I've been single (widowed) for nine years and live in a fairly small community. I'm a member of a pub quiz team but my next-door-neighbours don't quiz. At our quiz Christmas dinner I was sat opposite another member of our team who happens to be a man. He helped me to pull my Christmas cracker. That was, apparently, more than enough for the village gossips. My neighbour's husband returned home from the pub a few nights later and told her, "Liz has a fancy man!" (Yes, those really were his words!) My friend lost no time in informing me I had a boyfriend (it was news to me but I wasn't offended!)

So, seeing someone together with someone else (even in a group at a group event) makes people jump to outrageous conclusions and they may well be way off the mark. Don't touch your niece's situation with a bargepole!

Dont go there!

You haven't actually seen anything. Could the close family member be trying to stir up trouble? Did she tell you so that you would say something but she wouldn't "get the blame"? Please stay out of it, but I think you've decided that already.

Its a tricky one. You actually haven't witness this yourself and therefore I would be very careful. You obviously trust the member of family that have told you but, they could have read it wrong, some of the comments above are right about having friends of the opposite sex, but as you suspect in this case it probably not the case. Once you have spoken about this it will open up a can of worms, and families will fall out that is one thing that will happen, and some wont thank you for spilling the beans. I would stay well out of it.

Tough if you stir up family trouble, why should a young man go through with a wedding if his fiancee is cheating ? Tell the Neice that she has been seen twice and that she should do the right thing before her fiance finds hurt.

'seen twice'............doing what? FGS, its not something witnessed by the OP, its heresy by someone else who could have their own agenda. Say absolutely nothing. If there was a problem you would not help....and if there is nothing then you will be seen as a nosey relative who makes snap judgements.
People have friends of both sexes....see my first post......its not the 1930s when girls had to ask permission to 'walk out'. In the words of the song......'Let it go.............'

If you decide to say nothing now be prepared for the possibility of blame/anger coming your way if it proves to be true. I am saying this as in my ex's family one nephews fiancé was playing away, one of the other close family members knew about it (it was with their son whom she later married) but said nothing. When it all became general knowledge someone let slip that family 2 had known all along and family 1 was incensed that they had not spoken up. Very frosty relations ensued with both families barely speaking to each other over it

'Last time I looked, having a fiancee means you're still not married!'

Yes Willa45, I agree. But when you have been living with a person for a couple of years, bought a house and spent money on doing it up, looking for wedding venues I see that as a commitment. That's my opinion and may be very different to others'.

While I intend not to say or do anything about it, it's not something I feel at ease with. I just hope that she will make the right decision for herself, or hope that what was seen is a mistake.

As has been pointed out it's none of my business. Thank you all once again.

icanhandthemback - totally agree the woman herself probably needs support as you suggest - but at the same time would not thank you, and if she is innocent it would all rebound on you.

icanhandthemback - totally agree the woman herself probably needs support as you suggest - but at the same time would not thank you, and if she is innocent it would all rebound on you.

icanhandthemback - totally agree the woman herself probably needs support as you suggest - but at the same time would not thank you, and if she is innocent it would all rebound on you.

icanhandthemback - totally agree the woman herself probably needs support as you suggest - but at the same time would not thank you, and if she is innocent it would all rebound on you.

icanhandthemback - totally agree the woman herself probably needs support as you suggest - but at the same time would not thank you, and if she is innocent it would all rebound on you.

icanhandthemback - totally agree the woman herself probably needs support as you suggest - but at the same time would not thank you, and if she is innocent it would all rebound on you.

icanhandthemback - totally agree the woman herself probably needs support as you suggest - but at the same time would not thank you, and if she is innocent it would all rebound on you.

You don't have any explanation for what you saw so you may be completely misreading the situation. Keep quiet. If you MUST say something to anyone, approach your niece.

I would say nothing, but it can rebound both ways, damned if you do and damned if you dont
I would keep quiet, and if it all comes out in the end, you can truthfully say you were told by someone else but didnt believe it was anything serious, or might have been exaggerated so didnt want to cause trouble

The OP said that the other relative came face to face with the niece while she was with the man. Did the niece look guilty? Whether she did or not the niece must have known at that time her secret was out - if there is a secret that is.

I don't see why you can't have a general chat about a wedding with your sister, is your niece excited, making any plans yet etc (weddings are booked long ahead now) and just see if you get any feeling from what is said. It might set your mind at rest. I would agree it could be a work colleague or old friend if they hadn't been holding hands, also if she is engaged then surely she is not free.

Please, please, please, don't get involved, it could be completely innocent, the close family member could be wrong or trying to stir up trouble or it could be completely innocent. Either way, it isn't your place to interfere, unless you see it yourself leave well alone.