Feeling used by son and his partner who live with us

Buy local papers, fold it open at the house rental page. Hand it to him

I think all four of you should sit down and discuss the two moves before they go away, you could say you want to get the room decorated while they are away and will be seeing a local agent and the house will be on the market then, so when they come back you would like them to have made a plan and be ready to go. I know if it comes to a sale and they are still in the house they will have to sign a form foregoing their right to be there to enable you to move. Good luck with it all

I know someone on here will correct me if I'm wrong about this!

I seem to remember that, when I wanted to sell my previous house, I had to ask my son (over 18, still living at home) to sign a waiver/legal document stating that he would move out of the house once it was sold. He was not named on the Deeds and was not a joint owner or paying lodger or anything, he just lived there.

It might be worth checking where you'd stand if you just went ahead and put the house on the market.

Good luck!

Well said Jinty44.

That's all there is to it really.

Seems so unfair when you have done all this for them .....you could do all the above (give them a date for moving) put for sale sign up.....erc ! You could also get an Estate Agent or two round (if you haven't already) to value the house ....make sure your S and his girlfriend are in when they come ...explain in front of agent your S will be gone and the room re decorated when you get some viewings ..oh, and casually mention they are looking for accommodation .....most agents nowadays also have rental accommodation on their books so he.she will have a good idea of deposit, montly rent, outgoings, etc .......and get your S to make an apt there and then !

I have two or three friends who have similar problems with their sons ...only one who has a problem with her daughter ! One friend, who had sold her house and bought a retirement apartment, was asked by her son to help him buy a house in London (and you know how expensive that is !) ...she gave him a lot of money ,,and told the younger son he would have the same when he found a house. Older then asked for more money to fit new ch and windows ....sensibly she said Ask your father (divorced years ago but he was a surgeon and had two houses !( ,,,2nd son then asked for his share, Refused because he would have squandered it, so money still in bank only for buying a property).....she sent him a small cheque on his birthday ..some months ago and hasn't heard from him since ! It is so difficult with grown up children nowadays ! Like a lot of you on here, neither I not my husband had any help whatever from our parents and would never have asked (not that they had anything to give anyway !) now it seems the norm sadly ! Best of luck ! ...ps you could tell him that if he stays there and the time comes when you need care the house will be taken by the Council in any case (whether it would or no !)

I would be quite annoyed to find out they are going to Portugal on holiday and Indonesia next. They should be putting the cost of these holidays towards a rental deposit and monthly rental on a place of their own, not having a good time at your expense. I would call the estate agent this week if only for a pre- sale valuation prior to the For Sale board going up. Tell them that the time is right for your house move and this means it's time for them to start finding their own place now. You have put your plans on hold for long enough now.....it's time to put yourselves first.

Well said Lorelei.

MiniMouse, that aspect had crossed my mind too. What would happen if they just dug their heels in and refused to move out?

Exactly Ana! It was easy for me - my son would do anything for a cheese & pickle sandwich!

Perhaps you could start looking for a property for yourselves. Tell them about it and discuss getting an estate agent in for a valuation. Then ask politely when they are likely to move out and say it really must be by September 1st or whatever at the latest and get DH to back you up. Try and keep it friendly as you don't want a fallout. Let us know how you get on. Good luck!

I recall when we let our flats out, that the buy-to-let mortgagor made the first set of tenants who moved in sign a waiver that any guests, even temporary ones, could not stay in the flat IF there was a repossession by the mortgagor. The tenant rental leases provided for termination/eviction of tenants for that reason, among others, but the 'hangers-on' waiver agreeing to vacate was a new one for me.

Your son should be doing the chores as well and it's not fair to the girl that you are blaming her for this

You need to stop being a walkover and lay down the law. It is your home and they need to find their own place. Stop doing anything that is their responsibility, give them a date for moving out and get on with the rest of your life.

I must be on my own here then.
I understand that they are going to Portugal and they are then on to Indonesia but and it's a big one!
If they are staying with you at reduced rents isn't that how they can go on such a wonderful trip. And isn't tat how th younger people manage to save and get started ? I have one child left at home (21) and a (30) threatening to come back purely for the 'cheap' rent so can get some serious savings to get on the property ladder because as a single man he has no chance otherwise.
I have no problem sharing my home with my children whatsoever provided of course I/we are respected still. I still consider this 'our ' home as it's the same house they were all brought up in and we haven't felt the need to move on yet.

My Step-S gave his girlfriend a key to our house without our permission & eventually moved her in, my DH was a pushover very kind person who hated confrontation so nothing was said.

However Step-S did pay a reasonable rent & she did their washing & meals.

Luckily we had a 4 bed, all doubles, house so weren't cramped.

Crunch came when they discovered she was pregnant, quick hunt for a flat, they knew we would not have tolerated a baby in the house

I agree with others, set a deadline, put your house on the market & I wouldn't go to the expense of decorating prior to sale, it makes little difference to house value, most people want to decorate in their own style. Be firm & plan your future just the 2 of you

If they are living with jimmyRFU so that they could save a deposit for their own home, they would not be going on expensive holidays to Portugal, Indonesia, plus one other holiday to an unspecified destination. How much will these holidays cost for two plus holiday expenses - well to the north of £5,000, I suspect. Think what a difference that would make to their savings.

I think they are free loading.

Oh, jimmyRFU - they may be family (well, one of them is) but they regard you as an M.U.G. First Class, which is a pretty hard truth to swallow when it comes to relatives.

Obviously, on the basis of the old proverb "blood is thicker than water", your son - and his ladyfriend - are taking far too much advantage and apparently expect to carrying on doing so.

I'm with a previous post which advised you to give them their marching order AND consult the C.A.B. as to all the legal angles if they prove stubborn.

The utter truth is that they're a couple of spongers.....letting them take root was a big, big mistake. But then, who expects that their own flesh and blood and co. will turn into shameless freeloaders?

I agree with the idea of beginning to prepare for a sale now and let them know the room will be redone when they're away, etc. They said they'd move out "when you ask," so go to it. They may get angry for a few days - or more - but they will have to move out. In the end, imo, it will be better for all of you.

I'm not sure why you're pointing a finger at her, though, for not doing chores. Do you ask any of this of ds? Men can cook and clean just as women can. Maybe if you asked them each to do some of this, she would be more willing?

But no matter. The focus needs to be on getting them out and getting a place just for you and dh. Best of luck!

Sold my house cheaper in desperation to my son and partner and moved away myself. Seems to me the more you help them the more they use and abuse you sadly
Good luck. Be firm

until they get their own place and she would do washing, clean the bedroom, cook. I do everything. She cant do chores as she works full time

I agree with Starlady - it's time you showed your DS what a washing machine, vacuum cleaner and oven are for.

And when you saying she is 'planning' and 'buying stuff' - is this in preparation for them getting their own place - that sounds hopeful.
Your DS sounds as if he is quite happy with the status quo, perhaps he if he's not good at household chores he could be be handed a paintbrush and paint and get on with some re-decorating, starting with their room?

Four days on - I wonder whether the OP is going to come back?

Hubby and I are supposed to be sitting down and discussing them moving out tonight. He is at work, should be on his way home. I've tried to talk to them but son DS says what do we pay rent for? what do you use it for? You have no right to ask us to leave. Apparently his GF who lives here has rights because she pays towards the bills. I'm beginning to think they will never leave and I want my space back. Waiting for hubby to come home.

jimmyRFU - Wow!
Is that what they actually said to you? I hope your husband is able to handle the situation when he gets hone.
That is aggressive and bullying behavior from your son and GF.
Plus you can spend your money any way you wish.....no matter if DS gave it to you for rent.

Good Luck Jimmy. What an unpleasant situation. I hope it all gets resolved quickly to YOUR satisfaction.

This has taken an ugly turn, hope you get it sorted x