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Getting a bit fed up of her showing off

(58 Posts)
bytheway Wed 05-Jul-17 18:55:21


Although we live miles apart i have a close relationship with one of my four siblings. I get along perfectly well with the other 3 but have always had a particularly close relationship with this one.

However, I have noticed over the past few months that she is showing off a lot, especially on social media and also when she rings me.

Her husband has done very well in his career and they have a much better standard of living than the rest of us. I have never felt jealous of her for this, quite the opposite, i have been glad that she has an 'easy' adulthood i.e. choosing to work when and if it suits her. being able to afford private healthcare etc...

Her husband has always dealt with any problems himself and she's never had the worries the rest of us have had over the years about affording bills etc.

However, she has recently moved into a very very desirable house in a very very desirable area and oh boy do we have to hear about it. Along with pictures on Faceache etc... There has also been harping about the round the world cruise and the trip across Canada.

Its really starting to annoy me. The final straw was when we were chatting on the weekend and she managed to weedle in to the conversation about how much pay off her hubby is getting when he retires next year (a 7 figure sum) I have never ever asked her about their finances.

Some of you may think 'prehaps she lonely' but she isn't, she has a great social life and lots of friends.

I really don't understand why she's doing this? We weren't brought up to discuss money, believing it to be vulgar. But even though i know things are more open nowadays i don't understand why she is doing this.

Anyone any ideas? or is it me?

Flossie777 Wed 05-Jul-17 21:39:57

Dear Bytheway, if she has to big her self up all the time, she might be insecure about something, the husband ?? It's not you.

M0nica Wed 05-Jul-17 22:18:40

The inevitable mention is: How old is she and could this be start of mental change?. I do not necessarily mean dementia, but I have seen changes in my closest friend, which includes constantly putting putting me down, I have attributed it to age and illness.

MissAdventure Wed 05-Jul-17 22:25:42

The first thought is that she has self esteem issues, maybe?
Perhaps something has subtly changed for her, over the years, and she now feels the need to prove herself somehow?

Coolgran65 Wed 05-Jul-17 23:24:02

Self esteem is what comes to my mind.
And very possibly her easy adulthood isn't as wonderful as it appears when looking on. Money isn't everything .

Could be that there's an empty space in her life and she's trying to fill it.

Synonymous Wed 05-Jul-17 23:52:06

bytheway try not to get wound up by your sibling. Perhaps you need to gently ask her if these things are worrying her as she seems so fixated on them. This could well be the case as there are big changes coming for her and her husband. She may quite reasonably be concerned that her husband, who is clearly a high flyer, may find it difficult to settle for what may well eventually be a much quieter existence when it is just the two of them. She may well be seeking reassurance from you that everything will be alright. The trouble is that she is pushing away the one person she may well be relying on. You need to reassure her that you will be there the same as you always have been and that money is not and never has been the thing that binds the two of you together and nothing is going to change between you however much money will suddenly arrive in their coffers. Make sure that you tell her how happy you are for the two of them and that she needs to keep a journal of this tumultuous time of her life. Writing things down can be a real help to get a handle on what is happening to you. Just try to imagine what is driving all this talk as it will not only be excitement, there could be a bit of dread hidden in there of which she has no conscious notion at present..

BlueBelle Thu 06-Jul-17 06:11:41

I don't agree that it may be her age or her self esteem or anything like that and I certainly don't think she needs reassuring some people are just full of themselves and the more they get and have, the more they need to tell the world

Her privileged life style has changed her over the years and you are now starting to notice it through FB and other social media She has been influenced by those around her She s had apparently a blest marriage, pampered lifestyle and is now so far away from her roots that you are noticing the unattractive side of bragging

Does she ever give you a treat, take you away for a break, or otherwise use her money gained over the years for helping others does she worry about you, ever offer to pay a bill if you struggle, give her brothers sisters or parents a handout?
If her bragging is equal to her generosity carry on accepting her weaknesses if not then I d tell her she's become a bore

Anya Thu 06-Jul-17 06:32:30

Good point Bluebelle and I'd add to that, does she simply talk about herself all the time or does she ask after you and your family and show an interest in your answers?

Nanabilly Thu 06-Jul-17 07:22:20

I used to work with a woman who always said things to impress.Always got plenty of money . Foreign holidays many times every year. Happiest marriage on the planet. She had a nickname at work ..The Queen! or queenie!..
We used to go away with her and her family once a year for two weeks and often out on weekends and everything seemed happy and blissful and it did on occasions cause arguments between me and my husband as we would ask ourselves why can we not afford what they can afford..then it all fell into place when one of their teenage daughters turned up on my doorstep one evening crying and asking where her mum was ...I had no idea she had been sleeping around and had gone off with one her many beau's for a better life and it also turned out she had left her husband in thousands of ££££'s worth of debt and even squirreled away his tax money he needed for end of year Bill and left him with nothing in the account , he almost ended up in jail because of it .
So I would take what she says with a pinch of salt and Just be there to give her support when if it all comes crashing down around her ears in whatever way it does. She might be living a lie troubles may be part of her life ..husband worries could be too... She could be unhappy at the amount of time she spends alone while he is out earning his crust.I'm sure if she was as content as you think she is she would not be feeling the need to brag so openly about it to you .

Jane10 Thu 06-Jul-17 07:33:46

Maybe she's not actually showing off. Perhaps she's just telling you about her life. She just happens to have moved house to a different area and, like anyone else, is keen to talk about it. If what she says is factual, it's the reality of her life rather than showing off? Give her a break rather than condemn her for having more than you. Sounds like she's one of the lucky ones in life.

Anniebach Thu 06-Jul-17 08:23:46

Surely it's what people do when they move house, talk about it, I am reluctant to say this but are you a little envious? You don't say she recently moved house, but she moved into a very,very desirable house etc.

f77ms Thu 06-Jul-17 08:39:23

Agree with Bluebelle . I have a sister who is comfortably off but she never brags about it . Your sister will end up alienating everyone unless you gently point out that bragging is not a desirable personality trait.

kittylester Thu 06-Jul-17 09:21:16

She maybe feels comfortable enough with you to be able to talk about her comfortable life.

One if ny brothers is very well off and does flaunt it but I shared a mother so know where it stems from!! He would, however, give you any help at all if you were in need.

Another thing to bear in mind, anders been alluded to above,everyone has their own cross to bear - can you discover what hers is?

Luckylegs9 Thu 06-Jul-17 13:14:13

If you have always been close, you know the real her. I would chat to her about it.

Barmyoldbat Thu 06-Jul-17 21:41:50

I agree with Bluebelle, my own sister is the same so much so that I don't bother with her, she bores me sick and I got fed up up with little digs, oh you have a lovely little house when she come to visit. Lovely house yes by why add little? Everyone is judged by what they have and the size of their house and their lifestyle. I wouldn't have a her as a friend.

Madgran77 Fri 07-Jul-17 08:30:08

If she uses some of her money to treat her loved ones and friends, then fair enough ....let her waffle on, enjoy the treats and tell her you appreciate her generosity! If she doesn't and just waffles on, tell her you know how lucky she is, you are pleased she has such a charmed life but as you are not in that position, although happy with your lot, hearing quite so much about her good fortune is just boring!!

Gagagran Fri 07-Jul-17 08:59:36

Just wondering if she is the youngest child in the family and this is her way of keeping her end up?

alig99 Fri 07-Jul-17 09:15:24

Head above parapet. Success is a very dirty thing. You are not allowed to show you enjoy the fruits of your labour and you must of course share your hard work wit others that my not have worked so hard or put in the effort required to be a success. Of course we are often just a little bit envious of others that have done well for themselves whilst we ourselves haven't done as well. Ducking down now hmm

Teetime Fri 07-Jul-17 09:21:33

I agree with Bluebelle.

I have a golf acquaintance/friend like this who is full of herself, talks constantly and doesn't listen..... I haven't contacted her for some months now for the lunch I promised I would arrange. grin.

radicalnan Fri 07-Jul-17 09:36:25

I am not sure what the alternatives are for yur sister. She wants to talk to you about her life and that is her life, lucky her.

What would you prefer? She is being authentic. All of us live different lives and share them with each other. I have friends and family who are wealthy and have fabulous holidays etc and don't expect them to censor their conversations to fit in with what I can afford to do, after all it doesn't mean they don't have problems or that I don't have things / experiences that money can't buy.

You probably have friends who have less than you materially, that's life. Swings and Roundabouts.

DotMH1901 Fri 07-Jul-17 09:51:08

We had an Auntie like this when we were little. Mum used to listen sympathetically over a cup of tea and contribute little bits to the conversation such as 'how nice for you dear' 'well, that's lovely' and similar. My Auntie had had very little when she was growing up and I often wondered if it was because she could hardly believe her luck at having all these things that made her constantly talk about them. Mum never seemed to let it bother her - my Auntie had no children and Mum used to say how hard it must be for her to visit and see the three of us running around. Maybe it is the same with your sister?

Barmyoldbat Fri 07-Jul-17 09:53:42

It's not about envy of the person being in a better position, it's all about how it's pushed in your face and the way in which it is said. I have a life long friend who has charmed life with no money worries but I don't hear her go on about it her life in a way that annoys me. In fact I wouldn't enjoy her life. It's all about being being respectful and thoughtful of other people.

Juggernaut Fri 07-Jul-17 10:46:42

My DM had three siblings, two of them very like her, but the other one, she's such a show off, to the point of being a total bitch at times!
"Our B's house is very comfy, it will never be as posh as mine of course, but that can't be helped!" DM's house was worth almost three times as much as hers, and in a far, far, nicer area!
"It's a shame that B's, J's and P's children aren't as bright as mine. Still I suppose they can always do some sort of factory work!" We turned out to be a Barrister, a Doctor, a Librarian and a Police Superintendent.
When my DM had a shower cubicle fitted, the comment was "Is it because you're too fat to get in the bath?" DM was 4 inches taller and weighed 18lbs less, was very slim, but had hip problems so couldn't get up or down in bath!
My DH bought me a gorgeous eternity ring, when Aunt J saw it, she said "Well, the size of those stones, they're definitely fake". It's not fake, it's diamonds, and it's not huge, but it's bigger than hers, which is just not allowed!
None of us have ever been able to work out why she's this way, she's the second eldest, married a man with a very good career, travelled the world with him due to his job, and has basically led a blessed life.
Still, there's nowt so queer as folk!

Juney64 Fri 07-Jul-17 11:16:28

I blame Facebook. Seriously, I do. This 'like' button on there has a lot to answer for. Although I have a FB presence, I rarely go on there... for this very reason.

There's always someone bragging about something and it seems that the more people brag, the more 'likes' they get. For some, this can be addictive and encourages those people to brag some more — for the 'like' count. Given enough time, this spills over into daily life and begins to change people. They actually believe the 'likes' on their comments.

I'm too recognisable on GN to give you absolute instances but I'd ask you to believe me when I say I could give you two specific reference points where I've watched this happen over time.

I don't have an antidote for this other than staying away but how can you say any of this to a third party? You really can't.

This doesn't apply to everyone of course. I'm referring to those whose heads are easily turned by the compliments. I think it's a sign of the times we live in.

Victoria08 Fri 07-Jul-17 11:30:33

Can't abide anyone who just wants to talk about themselves and their problems, family etc.

Got talking to a lady at the bus stop the other day. She was telling me all about her grandchildren and family.
I tried to tell her about my grandchildren, but she just ploughed on with her stories.
Not the least bit interested in me or mine.

I consider it very bad manners.
Trouble is, I am a very good listener, so get taken advantage of quite frequently.